crazy jealous or reasonable?

[Neuro]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months. We really hit it off - he is wonderful in every way, and I am definitely experienced and mature enough at this point to judge these things.... He is in the process of moving in with me, as well, as he used to live over an hour away. It made the most sense for both of us, as he was coming over several times a week anyway, and the driving was just too much. I love him in my house and in my life, and we are a wonderful match so far.

However, last night made me question things a bit, and I need your input.

Now that he is in the area, he is looking to reconnect with people he couldn't see much as he was far away, which makes perfect sense.... although I do have to add that a lot of his close college friends are all in the area already. However, there is a girl in particular, whom he was friends with in high school and he thought she was cool and smart back then, and he would like us to get together with her and see if she is still cool since she lives in the neighboring town. I asked why he hasn't tried to see her before if they were friends as she was only an hour away and once or twice in the 12 years he surely could have met up with her.... he had no logical explanation, which is ok, I guess. I asked if they had at least been writing/keeping in touch as they are friends on facebook, and that was a negative. In looks, he compared her to an actress...which is immature of me to react to it, but nonetheless, I am a little irked. It is definitely not like we don't have enough friends that he suddenly has to go and try and meet up with a girl he thought was cool in high school but hasn't stayed in touch with ever since. My gut tells me to be bothered by this... she is single... and he is seeking her out now that he is in the area... am I reasonably bothered by this???

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He told you he wants you to meet her too. The guy sounds decent. Don't become a ****ing psycho bitch once he moves in please. That's really unfair to him.

[Neuro]

Maybe "****ing psycho bitch" is a bit too harsh for this... : ) Am I not even a little bit right in wondering about this... It is not like they kept in touch for 12 years and are now in the area to continue in person... I know he is not this desperate for friends. There was nothing for 12 years and now suddenly...? I don't know.

[TeeJay19]

If he really liked this girl he wouldn't have waited all this time to reconnect with her. Maybe he never really thought about her until now. Maybe moving a little closer to where she lives made him think "huh, I haven't seen her for while, maybe we should catch up." Plus he wants you to meet her to. If he was looking to hook up with this girl he'd be doing it behin your back. The fact that he's telling you he wants to meet up with her, and wants you to come along shows he's a pretty decent guy.

You're over reacting. Don't worry, it's normal. Nothing to feel bad about. Just remember that in order to have a good relationship there needs to be trust. If you can't trust him to hang out with other women then there's something wrong.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I said don't become a psycho bitch when he moves in. You're not being one now, but I can definitely see it escalating and you blowing every little thing he does out of proportion.

You're not acting like a psycho bitch yet, but you are thinking like one, and that's where it starts.

[Jeff12]

I want to, I've slowly like these, happy to join

you.

[surfhb]

Another 2 sides to every story type of deal here. This isnt his ex so I think youre being a little insecure.

Also....off topic I know....but WHY THE **** are you moving in with someone youve only known for a few months? Now thats just plain stupid! (big smiley face)

[Neuro]

Big, big smiley face.

Debated whether I should even mention the moving in part. I won't justify it, I understand the risks involved with this. I really do, and I know that I am taking a risky leap, but let's put that aside and focus on my real (other?) issue... another big smile.

Sure, this may come across as me being a crazy bitch and a bit on the insecure side. I see that, and I won't deny it.

However, give me the benefit of the doubt here and just hop into my shoes for a sec... he hasn't been in touch with this person in over a decade. If they had been writing/communicating all this time and now he is close enough to see her, I wouldn't have an issue, I swear. As a quick aside, he had his out of town female friends stay the night at his place, and that didn't bother me.... In other words, there are no trust issues here, just a queasy feeling of why he would have the desire to initiate contact with a single girl he hasn't been in touch with for over a decade and he remembers her being cool/smart and fun...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Why did you debate telling us the moving in part? Sketchy.

Anyway, you're just sounding more and more like a crazy bitch, but at least you know it. Your argument doesn't make any sense. Just don't bring it up with him unless something egregious happens.

[Tootz]

I think if he was planning on doing anything behind your back with this girl, then he wouldnt have mentioned her to you, or asked you to meet her. He sounds pretty sincere, but its normal to feel a little jealous.

[surfhb]

Yeah.....exactly! Why would he mentioned it?

I can understand you're questions and thoughts but he's moving in with you.....you pretty much know what's goIng to be up in his life 24/7, so why fret over it?

I still say the moving in part is the Elephant in the room but you're a big girl . How old are you? Have you ever lived with a lover? It changes the dynamics of the relationship the sec you move in....always

[vashti]

Are you guys serious? Why is this old high school crush even on his mind, if he is supposedly all about this new one?

I think you are crazy to be moving in with him. You haven't been seeing him long enough to determine if he is a man of real character. You should call off the move-in: not because he is interested in hooking up with that (single!) woman, but because it's ridiculous to be investing so heavily in him this soon.

[Neuro]

See, I knew I was not the only crazy one out there to think it's weird he is hung up on her.

12 years of no contact, and now he's suddenly curious to meet her... if I am a crazy bitch, so be it. I have to listen to my gut here. I am glad at least one person agrees with me.

I know myself well enough in order to judge what is crazy and what is not... and I am not someone who makes a big deal out of nothing. I pick my battles wisely. And while this one may seem crazy, I can't ignore my gut feeling. I understand where all of you are coming from, and I am not defending myself, which should speak in my favor.... big smile. )

[surfhb]

Again.....2 sides to every story. I figured in the days of Facebook and all , this not be a big deal. I've met up with several friends from high school in the last coupe of years.

So now that youve ignored every piece of advice youve been given (except one) and go with your gut, you are planning to call off moving in with this potentialy cheating douchebag right? It's obvious now you don't trust him so why make a life together?

Seriously....give a man some credit. Hes MOVING IN with you.....Why would we mention someone we hope to cheat on you with??!!

Major " hand slapping forehead" moment here!!!! Lol! Jeesh !!

The way you gals overthink things is soooo cute sometimes

[vashti]

I don't necessarily thinks he is consciously thinking of cheating, but he IS apparently interested in putting himself in a position where that would be a possibility.

Plus, I think it's odd that even though the other woman hasn't been interested in even keeping in contact by writing, he is wanting to go see her in person. Who does that?

Also, I know some people are not especially intuitive, but whenever my gut has been talking to me, it's never been wrong. Not once.