Can you show too much feelings and distroy the challenge?

[Spellbound]

Things are just so confusing. Can you show a woman too much feelings? Can you really give them what they want? Do women really need a challenge?

By nature I am a far more sensitive guy than most. I treat a woman like she matters. I do open up to them and tell them how I feel. But that does not seem to be enough. My girlfriend, of just over a year, just broke up with me - on Christmas Day of all days. I tried to make it a special day for her. I gave he meaningful gifts from the heart not just store things. I made her things that had special meaning to us and things that had meaning to me and shared the experience with her. She absolutely loved them, but when it came down to it, it wasn't enough - and I don't mean materialistically - she's not that type. We had shared things with each other that we had never shared with others before so we were close, but still something was missing for her - I think it was the challenge. Her quote to me was "You were wonderful and caring and everything I should have wanted. Everything I thought I wanted, I just couldn't fall in love. I will always love you, and if we stayed together, it would be pleasant an comfortable, but we both want and deserve more than that." I keep thinking of something she told me when we were still just friends, on how she likes a challenge, but not too much of one. I gave her everything she was looking for but I think that took the challenge out of it. Cause lets face it - this goes for everyone not just woman. When you have everything you every wanted, what left to strive for. Life becomes boring. I'm not saying don't tell a woman how you feel, or show her that she matters, but something has to remain for her to work towards - right? If anyone else has had a similar experience I kind of need to know I'm not alone. And to any woman out there, I would love to hear your opinions too. I think I know what I did wrong, but I can do nothing but speculate.

[Aeradalia]

It may not have been the challenge that was lacking... rather that she simply did not develop the necessary feelings for you. I'm reminded of a song that basically describes someone being everything you could possibly want but they don't mean anything to you and you don't know why.

My boyfriend isn't a 'challenge' in that he doesn't try to be mysterious and I don't have to wonder what he's thinking or how he feels. I can read him rather well and even take comfort in this. So there are quite a few women that don't need a 'challenge' and would love to be showered with affection... etc.

It seems that she never really developed strong feelings for you, and this is no fault of yours... sorry

[Cain]

I like a challenge too, but only initially. I don't want someone that I can get easily, but I also don't want to constantly be challenged by her throughout the entire relationship.

My new girl was a challenge, and she likes a little bit of a challenge as well. Though, from what I know, she doesn't like a challenge forever. She does, however, like for a man to be a man and not let her walk all over him. Did your girl wear the pants in the relationship? Did you back down at every argument? Did you allow her to treat you badly at times and you not speak up?

[Aeradalia]

She does, however, like for a man to be a man and not let her walk all over him. Did your girl wear the pants in the relationship? Did you back down at every argument? Did you allow her to treat you badly at times and you not speak up?

Good point Cain... that would definitely make a woman lose interest in you. It's not so much an absence of being challege but a perceived lack of self-respect.

[Spellbound]

As I think back, In the year we were together don't really remember too many arguments at all. A couple here and there but nothing major. We were a lot alike and saw things (at least I thought) pretty much the same way. I guess the few we had ended in an understanding. We both had a way of making each other understand the reasons why we were mad or upset. I don't think either one of us ever fully won an argument - the few I can think of, we compromised and met somewhere in the middle.

As for speaking up, I did let her know what was on my mind. But in all honesty she was a very caring woman, was always trying do thoughtful things for me (as I did for her) and rarely complained about anything. Prior to this I was in an 8 year marriage that failed from lack of trust on her part and lack of communication on both our ends. So I went into this one stressing how important communication and trust was to me and she had the same values. So I'm not sure how to answer to was I a man. We really didn't disagree on too many discussions being made. Sometimes I came up with the ideas sometimes it was her. But as I said we saw things a lot alike, so she never suggested anything I didn't honestly want to do and vise verser.

[Cain]

Then maybe she just never fell in love with you like she said.

Who knows? Does it even really matter now?

[Spellbound]

Lol I wish it was that easy not to matter. Haha I had an easier time when I left my wife of 8 years than this. I'm sure it will ease in time, but I had honestly thought we were right for each other. But something was lacking and I want to learn from it. I know what went wrong in my marriage, but this time I am scratching my head going "What the **** just happened?"

[Cain]

I hate to break it to you, man, but you probably will never know what happened. In fact, she probably doesn't even know why your relationship fell apart.

[boobaa]

**** girls!

The only reason why we need them, is because we have a penis! Its true!

[carl1222]

Good point Cain... that would definitely make a woman lose interest in you. It's not so much an absence of being challege but a perceived lack of self-respect.

You hit the nail on the head, Aeradalia. It's not really about being a challenge. It's more about not being a pushover. Indeed, women will often challenge men, hoping that they won't be successful.

Carl.

ps ... yet another great reason never to put your partner on a pedestal.

[Aeradalia]

**** girls!

The only reason why we need them, is because we have a penis! Its true!

Try explaining that to gay men Booba...

[Aeradalia]

I hate to break it to you, man, but you probably will never know what happened. In fact, she probably doesn't even know why your relationship fell apart.

Sometimes when it's 'game over' you don't get an explanation for it. When you did everything right... you did everything you were suppose to... the feedback you got agrees with this... and yet it fails... then the only thing that 'makes sense' is the right emotions simply weren't there.

You didn't fail and she didn't fail... so no one's at fault and there really isn't much that can be learned. She fell out of love and you didn't. It's sad, tragic even... but probably the closest to an answer you will get.

[IndiReloaded]

but this time I am scratching my head going "What the **** just happened?"

Ah. Usually this happens when you 'rescue' a gal from some kind of crap (family, bad ex, bad experience, etc) & she then grows up with your care and doesn't need you anymore. Just a guess, can't really tell from your post, but if this rings a bell then you know.

[Spellbound]

Thanks Aeradalai. I guess I'll just have to deal with it, tho it hurts like hell. I still believe there has to be a reason for some one to loose their love for someone else. Sad part is she wants to be friends (we started off as friends for 6 months - and really good ones too) but I just don't think I can - at least not for a while. She says she hurts too which makes the whole thing seem stupid. But we have always been honest with each other and as much as I want to deny it I know deep in my heart it is through. She wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it. Lol if only life had a rewind button. I would like to try different things, to see if it would make a difference. Things that would still be true to me and not change who I am, but thing to try and learn from. Oh well - we all suffer in life - thats just the way it is.

[Cain]

Thanks Aeradalai. I guess I'll just have to deal with it, tho it hurts like hell. I still believe there has to be a reason for some one to loose their love for someone else. Sad part is she wants to be friends (we started off as friends for 6 months - and really good ones too) but I just don't think I can - at least not for a while. She says she hurts too which makes the whole thing seem stupid. But we have always been honest with each other and as much as I want to deny it I know deep in my heart it is through. She wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it. Lol if only life had a rewind button. I would like to try different things, to see if it would make a difference. Things that would still be true to me and not change who I am, but thing to try and learn from. Oh well - we all suffer in life - thats just the way it is.

You're going through the bargaining stage of grief.

Don't worry. You'll get through this. Trust me.