Stuck in an unusual social life... (rant)
Hi... I haven't posted here in months but every once in a while a guy needs to log on and rant a bit.
So, I'm doing a one-year physics program in Canada, planning on getting back to Europe after I'm done. It's going well, no complaints except that the work is so intense that it doesn't really leave much room for anything else - especially since I'm kind of slow. The social aspect of it is rather... let's say "unique": I have 30 classmates, we have classes together (off-campus so we don't really get to mingle with other students, we don't even have time) and we all live in the same floor at the university dorms, so essentially we spend a lot of time with each other, working and going on the odd trip to the pub - and no one else.
I can't complain about them, they're all good people and I get along with them just fine. But this doesn't help me resolve an age-old problem for me, that of finding a "significant other". I'm 21 and I've never as much as kissed a girl, which I know shouldn't be seen as a bad thing, but I really long for a connection of that kind - I've dreamt about it for too long. I need to make it happen, but right now I don't have the conditions to do it.
I mean, I'm leaving in 6 months anyway, and I can't even meet new people because I'm stuck working all the time... and to make things worse, I think I'm starting to "like" one of my classmates, but I certainly can't act on it because it would lead to an ocean of awkwardness. It's been like this my whole life - seems that everyone I've ever liked was out of bounds, either for being taken, being out of my league, or some weird situation like this. Why do I fall into impossible fantasies so much?
Sorry for the long post - I don't even know why I'm writing this. The obvious answer is to suck it up and keep working until I get back home, then I'll have at least 3 years in some European country to build a more normal life as a grad student, but right now I'm a bit frustrated by this situation.
She went home for Christmas today and when she hugged me goodbye I was left with such a bittersweet feeling... because it felt good. Better than it should. But it might be that the only reason I'm considering her is because I don't know enough people and I'm desperate enough as it is...
Ok I'll stop here. Sorry for wasting your time.
Better get back to work.
Time to stop complaining when there is no reason to. Life's good, man.