Exes

[confusius]

I was just wondering. Is it normal for a person to keep being in touch with all her exes? I don't know. Personally I think it's kinda weird, but that's just me.

When I say in touch I mean calls, hang out together, skype, etc.

[TehWolf]

i do with mine on Facebook but not as often and we dont really text each other anymore

[Cerby]

FB sometimes, but hanging out is not really acceptable in my book.

[Cinnabella]

No- to me, ppl only stay in touch with their exes if they want something more or they have kids together.

[confusius]

Yeah that's what I thought. At least it it shows that I wasn't that crazy after all. Few talks here and there it's fine from time to time. But text messages, phone calls, skype, hang out together it's kinda shady. I wish I could believe there wasn't really anything into it.

[Cinnabella]

With me I won't want few talks even, I only talked with my ex bf coz I wanted him back years ago.

[Boisdevie]

Keeping in touch with exes like that = seriously wierd

[robFord]

It's extremely painful and difficult to be friends with your ex. Unless both sides have actually moved on and there are no hidden agendas on either side, someone is guaranteed to get hurt.

[confusius]

So it looks like my emotions took me back to this stage. This was the core reason at some point my ex and I had a somewhat unhealthy relationship. I'll love to hear more about this. It has been haunting me again lately and I feel bad about the fact that I let it come between us. I know it's too late now, but it's for my own state of mind. Cleaning my demons so I can move on.

The main reason I intent to never contact her again is because I want to make the difference. She is still in contact with everyone of her exes and mentally, I don't want to be part of this exes mingle party. Emotionally I do want to keep contact with her. I'm now entering a one month of no contact and it feels good. Still missing her, but I know this no contact thing is for my own good.

Like I said when I posted this. She literally skype, hang out, with her ALL her exes (3 exes I believe). She even have a monthly update thing with them. When we were together I let her know that I didn't like it. But it had to take me to really get angry so she could try to do something. All she said was trust me. It was hard when we were going to be hanging out together and she will find it normal to text back and forth with them. Or talk to the phone. And let the mama and the sister of one of her exes tell her how no matter what she will marry her son/brother. She said what they said did not matter to her, but yet she wasn't going to do much about it.

Anyway I just want to know if it's right and if I was wrong so I can improve myself for my next relationship.

Thanks!

[motleylou]

In my book that's pretty weird and I wouldn't stand for it. How would she of liked it if you and your ex were doing those things. My last gf told me time and time again that she was over her ex, but every once and awhile he would text her and she told me that she would just delete them but I found it hard to believe. The real tension started when I asked her to take down the pictures of her and her ex off of facebook. It was like a slap in the face for me, she has all these pictures up of him and her hugging and kissing and I didn't like it. She didn't respect me enough to take them down and that's when the tension in the relationship started. I didn't mind the pictures up at first because we just started going out and we didn't know what was gonna happen, we could of only dated for 3 weeks. But after 7 months and she moved in with me in my parents house to me it just got ridiculous, and also by this point she had been broken up with him for a year and a half. So no your not wrong for not liking that in fact with my next gf I'm gonna make sure that there is no sign of an ex, no facebook, emails, pictures still up in the room. Because in my mind it's just a really disrespectful thing to do to the new partner.

[Cinnabella]

I think there are some reasons behind this. She's still holding the feelings with them. I won't accept these weird behaviours, it causes problems.

[confusius]

Thanks guys. That intrigues me a bit. Just like motleylou said, I don't want to see any sign of the ex in my new relationship. It does cause problems. I thought I would support it, but it kept getting harder on me. Dealing with three of her exes at once; not to mention the family of one of them. She never understood how disrespectful it was to me when I was going to call her and she would tell me that she would be going to the movie theater with her ex.

The thing that also threw me off board was this. When we were dating she told me about this one ex of hers who cheated on her and she hasn't seen him in a long time. The guy was moving to Thailand one summer and found that it was an opportunity for her to find a closure to that past. I supported her and told her that I was fine if she wanted to see him so they can talk about their past and get their closure. Man! the next thing I knew she was telling me that the guy became one of her "best friend?" and they started hanging out a lot, and skyping, and all of that. Hitting bars together back in Thailand. That was a big slap in my face.

Thanks again guys. I'm setting my shits straight and this helps.

[Cinnabella]

For myself I will try not to involve with the person with these complications at the first place. I'm more cautious nowadays.

In any case, my ex said the same thing bout his ex wife, that she cheated on her and ya da, but the truth was that he cheated on her, she seemed still hurt and emotional wheh told me this, and told me that I'm better off without him. It's just an example of hidden reasons behind it, do you think that you would agree to be best friend with the ex who cheated on you? I'm not saying that she's bad or anything, but maybe she gave lie reasons so you will feel calmer for her being friends with him...

Hope you make the right decision for yourself. Good luck!

[confusius]

Thanks Cinnabella.

She gave me reasons to be friends with him by saying that the guy told her what was going on in his life during that time and that she understood why he did it and where he was coming from. I told her that it still doesn't make him her best friend, but of course that was just point of view to her and I was being jealous.

I learned my lesson this time though. I personally don't keep that kind of contact with my exes. I haven't talk to them in years except when they contacted me way back. And it wasn't like we were going to talk for hours or anything. it was more like an acquaintanceship conversation.

[motleylou]

Not trying to steal your thread Confusius but I'm curious if anyone out there has had a good relationship with someone who is friends or still has contact with their ex? And if so how you got past the fact that they were in contact with them? To me it was a slap in the face to me every time I saw the facebook pics she wouldn't take down or saw his number come up on her phone. I'm not a controlling bf at all, but the ex thing really bothered me, I always felt like I was one heart felt text or conversation between those 2 away from her calling off the relationship. Not a good feeling at all and one I never want to deal with again, too much stress and anxiety.