What's he thinking? Sex?

[paigem]

Met a guy. Went on a first date to a bar 3 weeks ago. Talked for a few hours, he walked me home to my transportation home with his arms around me and we kissed for a minute.

Then I heard from him every few days but only through text. First he asked me to the movies and when I said I had seen the movie he dropped it rather than mentioning seeing Another movie. So I had to say I love all movies so it's all good to me. It didn't work out with our schedules. I heard from him on christmas eve asking me in text if we can get together when he gets back from visiting family. He texted me for christmas and new year personalizing the texts with my name.

He got back and texted me to meet up. He had plans with his friends and wanted me to join. We met up first beforehand for a drink and chatted and then we ended up at a lounge/club without his friends who had left. He told me that after the lounge he was going to his place and I was welcome to come...I said I'd skip out. He got touchy and frisky during dancing and squeezed my ass, rubbed against me, but he seemed to be testing the waters and was still respectful if I put distance between us...and then tried to kiss me to which I avoided the kiss. His ego seemed bruised and he may have displayed a moment of attitude since he raised his hands up so as not to touch me and I laughed it off....but then a few mins later when I danced with my arms around him and closer he blurted that he was confused. I didn't know what to say...I mean, we're at a club, I don't mind dancing close but I didn't want to be unclassy and make out and have him constantly touching my ass.

Then toward the end of the night we went to a more private area upon his suggestion and he touched my private area for a quick second when my back was turned. I didn't say anything and wish I had. We sat down, he tried to kiss me again and this time I didn't reject him. It was pretty light making out and he didn't touch me anywhere. Then he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies for our next date. We left, he got us some food, we left there and he had the cab drop me off where I needed to be...we made out in the cab and he said he wished I wasn't going home. I left.

One day went by and then he texted asking if i still wanted to go to the movies. We made the plans. And that's where I'm at...haven't gone yet. This guy seems nice and respectful and has some good manners and apparently he researched me on the internet and let me know he did telling me he saw my work. And he seemed to remember practically everything I ever told him on our first date and had apparently mentioned me to his friends. Also, our first date was three weeks ago and we just saw each other a few days ago...I honestly couldn't even believe the few times he texted me that he even remembered me or was trying since so many days would pass by. But he seems to act non chalant and sometimes I sense he might be a jerk. But he's very honest and when we speak he puts on no act. Could be the best actor on earth? I'm extremely good at perceiving an act and my instincts are usually spot on. But this guy has got me confused.

And now I don't know if he's just putting in some dates to get sex. And more imporantly, if he thinks I'm that kind of girl (which means I must have gave him unintended signals or he just judged me to be that way) and since I messed up on the second date by not speaking up when he touched me, what do I say or how do I act on this next date so that he knows I'm not going to give it up and I'm a good girl...? And thus, find out if he'll still be interested. Also, what's up with him?

[Gratedwasabi]

First he asked me to the movies and when I said I had seen the movie he dropped it rather than mentioning seeing Another movie.
He told me that after the lounge he was going to his place and I was welcome to come...I said I'd skip out. He got touchy and frisky during dancing and squeezed my ass, rubbed against me, but he seemed to be testing the waters and was still respectful if I put distance between us...and then tried to kiss me to which I avoided the kiss

Then toward the end of the night we went to a more private area upon his suggestion and he touched my private area for a quick second when my back was turned.
we made out in the cab and he said he wished I wasn't going home. I left.
This guy seems nice and respectful and has some good manners

Yeah, he's a real gem. Saintly, even.

He's trying to **** you.

[HeartIsAching]

Yeah... I'd stay the hell away from him. His grabbing at you is sexual assault. Might be indicative of deeper-rooted problems.

[Boisdevie]

what do I say or how do I act on this next date so that he knows I'm not going to give it up and I'm a good girl...? And thus, find out if he'll still be interested. Also, what's up with him?

He's pretty good at controlling his sexual desires. Listen honey, he's a guy and you know what? Guys like to have SEX. You know when the guy puts his 'thing' in your 'thing'. And you're not going to give it up? Is 'it' some kind of prize? He is going to get bored with you and leave.
Are you waiting for marriage and a happy ever afer like in some kind of Disney film?
Oh and you're a good girl. So does that mean my GF is a slut because we have sex?

[eonbar]

Yeah... I'd stay the hell away from him. His grabbing at you is sexual assault. Might be indicative of deeper-rooted problems.

are you ****ing kiding? i lol'd when i read this. ha. sexual assault? hahaha. two people dancing in a club, getting all close, making out with him a few days before etc etc and he touches the same girls bum and you think thats 'deep rooted problems and sexual assault' Believe me i wouldn't do it and its in no way classy or the way to get a girl you like, but god, no wonder all you guys just go around suing each other.

anyway, back the OP. its too difficult to make a judgement about what he's into tbh. personally i dont think hes classy, and i think a movie is a crap date so i think that clouds my judgement, however, if you don't wanna 'give it up like a good girl' then don't. simple as. if he likes you enough then he'll ask you out again? obvious much?

[paigem]

Thanks eonbar. I don't think he has deep rooted problems lol. And I mean, alcohol could have even affected his actions. Anyway, you're right, a movie is kind of a crap date these days. He doesn't really seem to put too much effort into planning anything for us to do or something more for getting to know each other. I'm wondering if he's going to try and touch me at the movies. lol. But yea you're right it's still too difficult right now to judge what he's into. Definitely will probably discover piece by piece real soon if he's willing to date for a while or if he just wants to be sleeping around.

Boisdevie, um I don't know where you come off, but I'm not looking to **** a guy I hardly know on a second outing and I certainly won't do that til I really either know the person for a bit of time or am their girlfriend after having done the dating. (Hence why you're GIRLFRIEND is not a slut...keyword is girlfriend meaning she is committed to you not just for the sex, moron.) And second off, that's no way to gain anyone's respect by having sex too soon. I'm not an idiot. I know when it's time for sex, and that's down the line once I trust the guy is into me and not in it for the sex alone. You sound like the dumbest man on earth. I feel bad for your girlfriend. And I'm guessing she won't be getting marriage from you. Just a mouth full of d**k. Goodbye.

[ferriswheels]

guy is being a bit too much, he went for your parts before kissing you? the fact that he is present and into you is a good sign, but he also displays a disconcerting degree of sexual entitlement, i wouldn't trust him. but maybe he's just a horny bastard with a heart of gold.

[Yet another guy]

Hes really into you but it seems to me like he doesn't have much experience. Us inexperienced guys tend to open our hearts and get too close way too early. I'm guessing hes trying to act non chalant, as you say, because he senses that you aren't that much into him.

Also, he seems really horny, which fits well with my inexperienced - theory.

(Hence why you're GIRLFRIEND is not a slut...keyword is girlfriend meaning she is committed to you not just for the sex, moron.) And second off, that's no way to gain anyone's respect by having sex too soon.

So, you would feel like a slut if you had sex with him now because you don't want to commit to him? I think that you should talk with him about taking things slow before hes feelings get too deep.

No one would lose my respect if they wanted sex sooner than I would. I don't want to assume the worst about people and therefore I won't be assuming that she was a slut who's after just sex. Besides it would show that she is passionate about me. It's never a bad thing.

Why would he be "putting in some dates to get sex"? If sex was my only intention, I would be searching for those legendary sluts that all the rage is about.

How to act on your next date? If he crosses the line (kissing, touching, what ever the limit is for you), explain to him that you are not comfortable enough with him yet.

Also, what's this "I'm a good girl" - crap about? Being good has nothing to do with sex.

[girl68]

I think it'd be pretty easy to control the groping. When his hand goes wandering... stop freggin' kissing him and say firmly "no man, not gonna happen" I've done that plenty of times. I make it blatenly clear he ain't getting this at this time. We'll kind of laugh and make out again- his hands wander no more. If he continued to make moves though and I still wasn't feeling it and continually had to shoot him down I wouldn't be interested he can't read me and keeps trying and that isn't cool in my books and I'd leave it at that.

I don't really blame him all that much for *trying* though. He likes sex, wants it and is trying to get it. He might also like you too. But if you're not ready just yet then you're not ready just yet.

[paigem]

Ok, I left out some information that now I see might be important. He mentioned on our first date that he never got to do the whole hooking up thing in college and when other guys say they hooked up with girls he didn't have anything to say because he was in a relationship so he didn't get to do that kind of stuff and missed out... On top of that info, his texting even since the beginning has been short and almost a bit rude. He will say bye and leave a texting convo prematurely which is very odd or he won't say hi in text or anything cute/flirty. He sort of almost steers clear of such texting and writes things like want to meet up, etc...(more friendly but not even so friendly- almost not too interested). He never calls except for the first time he called me and he was a bit demanding asking me who I was, my age, etc...but then confessed later on that he couldn't remember what I looked like because he was very drunk and he wasn't sure whether to meet me or not...

Our second "date" really was at first not a date but him having plans and inviting me along. When I let him know I was out of work, he told me he was getting ready slowly... and I asked what was going on because I had told him the night before when we discussed meeting up that I'd be free at ten. Then I waited two hours til he met up with me. At first I was supposed to meet him with his friends, then he came alone because I think he got the hint when I asked to walk together to the lounge. But then when we got together he said he wanted to spend time with me and didn't care if we met up with his friends. Confused. When I said we should meet his friends, he didn't seem to fight me on it so I can see he really wanted to hang with them.

He hasn't been very flirty or playful but he'll put the moves on me. I can only conclude from these things that he is in it for hopes of getting laid? He really just doesn't put any effort when we're apart to talk to me or get to know me or call/text me much.

Should I not be giving him the time of day because he doesn't try too hard. I seem to be a back up or last minute if he's free girl to him...

[Yet another guy]

I wouldn't worry about lack of flirty texts, I personally hate texting and he might have similar views. There are better channels for flirting.
I don't get his comment about hooking up. Is he saying that he is now happy to be dating which he had missed out on or is that "hooking up" somehow different concept?
If he thinks of himslef as a "player" he isn't doing very good job at it. They are usually the smootherst and most flirty bunch.

That said, either he has very poor social skills or he doesn't seem to be very excited about your relationship, sorry.
If you don't want to bother with him anymore, call him and explain to him why you decided to end it.

[paigem]

I got the sense he basically meant he didn't get to sleep around. Which whatever he meant by it, it was odd to tell me.....I doubt he has poor social skills. He seems to have a lot of friends and he let me know also on our first outing that he has a lot of friends who are girls (and is friends with all his exes but one) and in fact, one of his friends at the lounge was a girl who I met briefly. She spoke highly of him as being her favorite person and mentioned they dated shortly in middle school. He seems confident of himself and most of the time dominant of his actions. He can be quite a talker if I ask a question about himself. His last long term relationship ended only a few months ago, so perhaps he is trying to be a playboy but isn't very good at it?

[xxazurexx]

He's pretty good at controlling his sexual desires. Listen honey, he's a guy and you know what? Guys like to have SEX. You know when the guy puts his 'thing' in your 'thing'. And you're not going to give it up? Is 'it' some kind of prize? He is going to get bored with you and leave.
Are you waiting for marriage and a happy ever afer like in some kind of Disney film?
Oh and you're a good girl. So does that mean my GF is a slut because we have sex?

Guys like to have sex, YEAH.....doesn't mean that women should give it up and within the first minute of meeting him.

Just because you are a MALE SLUT who likes to stick your dick in everything with a pulse and after 1 second of meeting, doesn't mean that everyone should follow suit.

Most women will WAIT and to ensure she aint gonna be used, abused and DITCHED, by some man who preys on women and just for sex.

Is that so hard for you to understand?

[xxazurexx]

are you ****ing kiding? i lol'd when i read this. ha. sexual assault? hahaha. two people dancing in a club, getting all close, making out with him a few days before etc etc and he touches the same girls bum and you think thats 'deep rooted problems and sexual assault' Believe me i wouldn't do it and its in no way classy or the way to get a girl you like, but god, no wonder all you guys just go around suing each other.

He grabbed her private part and he had NO RIGHT to touch her there and without her consent.

I'd have slapped his fcking face!

Eonbar and Boisdevie, two British guys - says a lot about the men from this country eh??

No wonder British women are looking elsewhere :|

[eonbar]

He grabbed her private part and he had NO RIGHT to touch her there and without her consent.

I'd have slapped his fcking face!

Eonbar and Boisdevie, two British guys - says a lot about the men from this country eh??

No wonder British women are looking elsewhere :|

i thought she said he grabbed her bum?
grabbing her bum is out of order imo, BUT what i was laughing at is the 'sexual assault' phrase.
If we had met up a few times, made out more than once and i grabbed your bum on the dance floor you may slap me away but im pretty sure no one would think that was sexual assault?

im not saying that i'd do it, as theres no way in hell i'd grab some girls bum in a club, im classy, but still....