How do you even go about trying to talk to your ex again?

[AlastairBarnes]

Hi, just wondering how any of you would even go about trying to go about talkin to your ex after no contact for a while?

My situation is that we broke up because i cheated, tried to make up for it but think it was all bit too much at the time, and then we just left things. Then after a while of no contact, her cousin who is a friend of mine even said to me my ex couldnt stop thinking about me and missed me, i didnt act on this. Then the weekend before the last, we were in the same place and it was the first time we'd seen each other. Everything was fine and i was making no effort to try and talk to her or acknowledge her, but the girls i came up with from work told me she was giving them dirty looks throughout the night and even blatently bumped into one of them. And then the worse thing, walked through them to a random guy, kissed him, turned round and like smirked at my friends and then walked off. She clearly didnt like the guy or had a thing with the guy but my friends seemed to think she meant to do it so they would tell me to ruin my night. I mean why? I was thinking right this all could of been exaggerated with alcohol, but then the next day i get a private facebook message, sayin was really glad we could be in the same place with no drama etc but she kinda made it sound that i would be the one starting the drama, after all this i heard, and after weeks into months of no contact. I dont understand why she would even bother contacting me, things did not end the best and she was the one who wanted me out of her life at that time especially due to exams, and i didnt even try and talk to her that night which she probably would of expected me to, as i was pretty over the top and desperate before! If anyone could shed some light on this or just advice on how to try and make contact it would greatly be appreaciated. I know im the one who has hurt her more than she could ever hurt me but I actualy cant stop thinking about her, and I know if it wasnt a big deal I wouldnt be thinking like this. Thanks

[xxazurexx]

Well the usual way to contact would be via telephone, text message, or email, or even the 'real' postal service.

[AlastairBarnes]

Seriously is this the best advice you can give?

[xxazurexx]

Well yeah. You asked and in the title of your thread as to how one would go about contacting an ex again and in the first line of your opening post also....and the usual means are by the ones I stated.

In regard to the rest of your post. If I was her I wouldn't entertain you again or reply and because of the fact you cheated on me and cheaters don't get a second chance and you didn't even have the courtesy to speak to her and when you saw her, yet chose to ignore her.

I would never go on the hearsay of friends and because I learned that some friends can be shit stirrers who are looking to cause drama. How do you know for sure that she was giving your female friends 'dirty' looks and that she stormed past one of them? How do you really know for sure that she kissed some other guy and smirked at your female friends? Did you actually see her do any of this stuff?

If it's been months and without contact, she may have long moved on and be with another guy now.

[Cloud206]

Mate, just don't ,if you made it this far without her you can do it from now on too .

[AlastairBarnes]

azure your right that was the question i asked and thanks for your response. I meant to ask in what way would you be the must appropriate and it what manner should i do it?
My friends have nothing to gain in the situation as they dont even know her, but i do understand it all could be exaggerated, though i find it unlikely all this is a coincidence. I also totally understand your concern about cheating as any type of cheating is wrong, even if it was my type of cheating of kissing one girl one night when i was drunk, its still wrong, and has cost me alot. It hasnt been months, rather than around a month and i think i would of found out if she was with a new guy as we do share quite a few of the same friends.
And Cloud206, mate i know i really should not get involved again or even try and contact her, i made my self look like a fool being desperate chasing her too soon and really lost self respect lol but i always have this feeling to contact her, even if we will just be friends. I have been on a good few dates, and the attention for me to move on is there dont get me wrong, but none with her personality, and im starting to realise thats what im missing the most!

[xxazurexx]

I think you would be contacting her and under a false pretence. The friends thing is an excuse and because you still have feelings and you want this girl back. To say you are wanting to 'test the waters', would be more accurate.

It's down to you what you choose to do. But you are best doing it with no expectations because this female might not be interested now.

[AlastairBarnes]

You are right azure, but the truth is i really dont know if i want to go back out with her or just have her as a friend, i just miss her and think life would be better with her in it. This sounds so stupid and i know im actually acting like i cant do anything myself but whats the right way to contact her again? and in what way? i know as soon as i get in contact again il be fine its just i dont know how to get the ball rolling. Like facebook, text message or what? Sorry for being an idiot, just tryin to think of a way that i dont seem over the top but i just want to be friendly again and actualy talk now and again. Well at least for now.
Thanks azure again, your 100% right, no expectations is the best, and if anyone else has any advice just add it in will be greatly appreaciated!!

[xxazurexx]

Not being mean, but I think you should put aside what you need and want, your selfishness in other words and leave her alone. You can't just go waltzing back into peoples lives as and when you see fit and it's not wise to particularly go back to an exes. Think about her, rather than what YOU want.

She could still have feelings, you are gonna open up old wounds. She could be under the impression you have gone back looking for more and she is going to be hurt when she realises you havn't.

Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.

If you don't want anything from her,....leave her alone and let her be free to find some other guy who does want to be with her.

[AlastairBarnes]

I do want her back though, im only going in with no expectations, which is best. But il think about what you said, thankyou.

[xxazurexx]

I think you need to make your mind up, what it is you want.

In one post you just want friends, then the next you don't know if you want her back, then you say in your last post, you do want her back.