Have I fallen in love with my BOSS? Please help xx

[Petalcub]

Hi

Im so glad that I joined here, I really need some adivce and the sooner the better.

I work for someone that Im very very attracted to. He iis everything that I love in someone. I connect with him from a personality point of view and physically too.

Ive really respected him for the last 6 years of working for him. He has always been quite considerate towards me, and to be honest, Ive been told that he can be a shit. He is 20 years olderr than me.

He gives NOTHING away and is very professional. About a year ago, he made a comment towards me. It sounds really rubbish, but coming from him it is not. He more or less said that if there was anything going, he would be in line for it.

I rang him the next day and asked him to clarify and he very nicely and flattered seemed to brush it off. He ended the call by saying that he wold be coming to the office in a couple of days and would see me then, in a very sympathetic voice.

Since then Ive felt that we both realise that we are attracted to each other.

Im living with someone. And he is in a 10 year+ relationship with someone who he dos not let get involved in his life. He does not live with them.

I would have to move as he lives 6 hours away from me. I would have to give up my job. Sell my house and get out of the relationship Im in.

Do I just keep sitting on the way I feel or do I do something? Would he come forward and say anything to me if he was really interested, even though he is in an awkward position? Or is he waiting for me to say something more concrete?

Hope to hear any comments soon xxxx

[MerryH]

I'm gonna be real with you, Petalcub. Sorry in advance.

First, to break it down a little bit:

-You have a crush on your boss of 6 years.
-One year ago, your boss "made a comment" towards you. (?)
-You call him the next day and he brushes you off.
-For the past year, you've felt that you "both realize that we are attracted to each other".

Let's not forget:

-You're living with someone.
-He's in a 10+ year relationship.

I think you're seeing advances from someone who isn't advancing on you, based on your story. Nothing you mentioned makes it sound like he's pursuing you. Yet you're thinking a bout giving up your job, selling your house, and moving 6 hours away (not to mention breaking up with your current boyfriend) for someone who hasn't really shown concrete interest in you. Why?

I want to say "Get a grip", but I don't think that would be very nice. What's a better way to say that? Anyone?

[Petalcub]

Hi, thanks for the advice, and you put it well, really, I mean that.

Definately I see your poit of view and Im glad someone has had the balls to say it to me.

If you can give me anymore advice on how to get a grip, Id really appreciate it.

I just cant get it out of my head, how do you deal with a crush?

Anymore help from someone straight talking like yourself would be very much appreciated.

Thank you, P x

[MerryH]

Thanks for taking that well and not being offended.

As for how to get over the crush, maybe try redirecting your thoughts? Any time he pops into your head, instantly replace it with something positive, like your boyfriend, your kids(?), your pets, the beach, flowers, puppies, whatever.

You've got to start focusing on reality, on your real life, and your emotional well-being. Get your head on straight, your feet on the ground, and do things that make your life better. Volunteer work, hobbies, organizing your living space, get a new haircut, anything that makes you happy.

[Petalcub]

Hi, your right, but the minute I do that, the desire gets worse! Its as if I cant win. How do I go about sorting that out?

Also I now he liked me, he has made some direct comments about when my OH has gone out of the room, I wonder if we will see him again, that would sort things out. There are other things too, little comments that he has dropped in here and there.

I want to private message you, but cant yet as I havent had enough posts. I can tell you in more detail then.

You absolutely right in what advice youve given me, I cant agree enough, but it is just like this one isnt going away.

Please feel free to comment again, and be as bold as you like, I do appreciate it more than you know.

Thanks in advance x

[MerryH]

Are you still holding out hope that you'll be together? That's kind of what it sounds like.

Maybe he has a thing for you, or maybe he just has a naturally flirtatious personality. Does it matter? You getting involved with him is so many different levels of wrong. First, you're his subordinate. He could be risking his reputation and his career by starting something with you. He is in a long-term relationship. Not only would this make him look even worse, but you'd be breaking up a (presumably) happy relationship. You're also in a relationship, which you'd have to dissolve before anything happens. Even if you and Boss are madly in love with each other, the circumstances that you're both in just don't allow for things to progress. Maybe some day, things will all come together, but you can't count on that happening. So for now, forget him.

If you fully realize that nothing is going to happen and you still can't get it out of your head no matter what you try, then maybe you should try talking to a therapist. I'm not saying that to imply you're crazy or any nonsense like that, but you can get help to sort out your feelings and learn how to better manage your thoughts.

Good luck.

[Petalcub]

Hi, firstly Id like to say thanks again for the advice, honestly, I appreciate it.

He owns the company. He doesnt have a good relationship with his OH. Im not the ony one to pick-up on that.

Yes I suppose Im holding out hope that one day it may come together, who knows. Since having read your replies Ive been much better, applying myself to things more and having more interests etc.

He definately hasnt got a naturally flirtatious personality, thats one of the things I like about him. Also he is very professional, he wont get involved with things the way they are at the moment. But again, thats what I like about him, he has principles and sticks to them. I know he must really like me to drop in the comments to me that he does, for him they are strong words.

I believe the Lord works in mysterious ways and if its meant to be it will be. Who knows, the Company may be sold by him, the part of the Company I work for may need to fold up as it isnt making much money. My OH may get made redundant, I may get made redundant. Ive also learnt that he was interested enough to want to get involved with me before my current relationship.

The best things come to those that wait - so we will see.

But like you say for now I will get on with life and that way, I cant loose, I believe if you do tha you attract the good things that come to you and you gain the energy that you deserve.

I have got a councellor and have been to see her on this very subject, she said basically the same as you. I was going to go back but after gerring such good advice from you I wont need to. Im very grateful to you.

See what you think to this reply, I would be very glad to hear from you.

Thanks again, P x

[MerryH]

I'm really glad you're doing better, and I'm glad I could help, but advice from the internet should not replace your counselor. She is better equipped to help you.

But you really do sound less conflicted. Good for you.

[Petalcub]

Youve just reminded me of what she has said, I must of gone a bit rusty!

Thans again, Im really grateful xxxxx

P x

[FortyLovebut20]

"The best things come to those that wait - so we will see."
lol I can relate to that too PC lololol xx

[Agape]

"he is in a 10 year+ relationship with someone"

+

"I would have to move as he lives 6 hours away from me. I would have to give up my job. Sell my house and get out of the relationship Im in."

--> Seems like too much