Memories?

[teethgrinder]

Ok, heres the short story. Had been with my ex gf for 3 years. She was younger than me and I had been with her throughout uni. She started uni and dumped me for reasons which I tought seemed a bit lame but maybe they were not. This was in October. She came over a few months ago to drop of my stuff. I had not been in touch with her since. I thought I was getting over it OK. When she came round I found out, she had been experiementing with same sex relationships, but had settled for a drummer in band who she bought £100+ drums for for his bday and was moving in with in a month or so. I felt really really down. I introduced her to that type of music, so really didnt want to know the details of her life.

Now I cannot do anything that reminds me of her. She is always on my mind. I cannot listen to the music I like, I cannot go to the places we went to. This is nearly sixth months on!

Any suggestions on what to do?? Shall I do what I normally would do and hope things will go away, or shall I avoid them till I don't think about it.

It is playing on my mind and I'm scared I'm gonna mess up my exams again cos of her and I need my life to move on!

Help?

[confusedsoul]

Yes...thats what u need to do.. I know it hurts..but you know what, you liked it even when she was not around.. I have done it, the same songs which we used to listen together, I would just play them all aloud, and try to and enjoy THE MUSIC..you need to do it once, next time you will only enjoy the songs and wont even remember ur ex..
So dont let go your own passions, you need them to keep urself going.. And dont mess up the exams, they are def worth more than some ex who broke ur heart for some stupid reason..

[teethgrinder]

Thats another thing. The reasons were about arguments we were having. About things things such as insecurities, jealousy etc. We had been having them for years. Just makes be believe even more that she went to univeristy and wanted to have fun. I feel like a fool spending my whole time at uni with her!

Doh!

[Only-virgins]

Thats another thing. The reasons were about arguments we were having. About things things such as insecurities, jealousy etc. We had been having them for years. Just makes be believe even more that she went to univeristy and wanted to have fun. I feel like a fool spending my whole time at uni with her!

Doh!

Stop brain washing people to listen to your music please.

[teethgrinder]

Who said anything about brainwashing????

I just listened to what I always listened to. She her own person. She decided she liked it too. No persuasion by me!

[Only-virgins]

I just listened to what I always listened to. She her own person. She decided she liked it too. No persuasion by me!

I am sure she had a choice if you played it all the time everywere I bet right?. Cause and effect...cause and effect....damn I like saying that...cause and ...effect

[teethgrinder]

No not really.

[natashab]

Hey teethgrinder,
Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm also trying to get over my ex, 3 yr relationship, he ended it, it's only been a month..

I find everything is reminding me of him at the moment... but I figure the best way to get over it (I think!) is NOT to avoid the things that remind you. If you do, the associations between those things and that person will get stronger and will last longer... making your recovery slower...

Listen to the music, if it makes you think of her, think of her. If it makes you sad, be sad. The best way to get over someone is to go through those feelings... if you put it off it'll just take 3 or 4 times as long... and you don't want that! So I say, go through the grief now and remember this:

Before you met her, you were fine without her. You did not even know she existed and you were fine with that. You liked the music you liked and it was all cool. Just remember why you liked the music in the first place, before she came along. Once you've listened to it enough, your mind will wander to other things. Try to associate the music to memories from BEFORE she came into your life.

If listening to the music is really hard... just do it in a short periods. Try not to dwell too much on the feelings that surface. Experience them while you're going through it, and then try to get on with other stuff. DO NOT lock yourself away and listen to the music for hours on end, as that will drive you bonkers!!

I also have Uni, and exams in June but I am helping myself get through this period by writing a REALLY long list of fun stuff I'm going to do in the summer. I think this will get me through my studies.

Your studies are really important and I know it sounds crap, but it's a good opportunity to throw yourself into it, just for a while. Easier said than done, but you've been strong enough to get through the last 6 months without her.

Good luck

[Illusional]

everything still reminds you of her because you still think of her and you want to be with her. if you really wanna concentrate on your exams then you will. if you would rather also blow one semester for a girl, that is another option. it's like when you break up with someone and you call in sick for work because you're heartbroken. everyone can work, but they prefer not to because they are sad. suck it up and it will make life easier.

raverboy