Can this survive ?

[ppm]

I've been married for 5 years now, and to this day I've never had sex with my wife (nor with anyone else). She doesn't want to. It feels like we are drifting apart. Can a marriage survive without sex ? Or are we doomed ?

[Ellynn]

Um, how the heck did that happen?

Were you both waiting until marriage or something and then she just didn't want to or what?

And wouldn't you have realized something was wrong before 5 yrs have passed?

Ok, now that I got over the initial shock of it all, I will give you my advice.

First of all, you need to answer some of our questions.

Was she molested as a kid? Has she ever had sex? Have you ever initiated sex with her?

To me, it sounds like you are living like brother and sister. Sorry, but that is not a marriage. In fact, you never really had a marriage except on paper. I'm just shocked you didn't do something sooner. How old are you guys? Please answer some of these questions and maybe we can give you some more imput.

Oh yeah, and in my opinion, if this is how things are, YES, your marriage is doomed!

[ppm]

It's a long story, but yes we both waited for marriage. I tried to initiate this a couple of times, but since our honeymoon she had a different excuse. It started out with she doesn't want to, then she was not ready, etc. One day we did try to have sex, but before we could really do anything she told me it hurted too much. Eventually she ended up having an operation to help things along. But nothing happened after that.

I don't think she was molested, and as far as I know she has never had sex before in her life. I'm 29 and she is 26.

I know I should have done something sooner, I just never had the courage to talk to anyone. How do you tell someone you are 29, married and never had sex before ? The only reason I can do this today, is because she told me last night that I never buy her the things she really wants. She compaired us to other people at work and how they get the cars they want, and how some of the girls snap their fingers and the boyfriend / husband bites the bullet and buys them exactly what they want in life. I have really tried to look after her and give her the best I could afford. A new car that wouldn't let her stand next to the road, one that could be serviced anywhere, etc. It's just we don't have enough money to do all the things other people do. Her words still hurt me. I cannot concentrate on my work today, it keeps playing in my head. I feel like I want to cry, but I can't. I'm at work.

[Gigabitch]

It's hard to take you seriously, but I'll try.

You don't have a marriage. That isn't what a marriage is. Do your families know about this state of affairs?

[bluesummer]

Well, don't feel bad. I have a friend who's wife hasn't let him sleep with her in eight years.

But seriously, like everyone has said, your marriageis almost non-existant. You need to get the two of you into counselling soon, or else.

[Ellynn]

And sorry, but I think its rude that shes all about material things, and expects you to go out and buy her what she wants.

If I were you I would say fine, you can get your car when you start treating me like your husband and not your sugar daddy. Oh yeah and bring up the lack of sex as well!


Honestly though, I think its doomed. Get out now while you can. You deserve a normal healthy relationship. If she doesn't want that, cut her loose.

[xwfuro]

dude you must be really unhappy... talk to her about it and tell her how you feel otherwise your gonna never really be happy something will always be missing.