I want to break up + other problems

[gryffindor]

I have been dating a boy since august. We decided to formalize the relationship not so long ago, I think one or two months ago. But I realized that I'm not in love with him, and I really want to break up with him. But I feel bad, because he is loving and wonderful. And I know he loves me very much, not in a friends kind of way. My discomfort feelings started when a friend of mine said that he wanted to go on a date with me. I noticed that I really wanted to go on this date and that I wouldn't mind if my current boyfriend went on a date with somebody else. I found myself dreaming of him cheating on me. When I analyzed this, I think that it was because I wanted to take the responsability off of my shoulders. Anyways, I'm going to break up with him tomorrow. I don't know who to do it though, I've always been on the other end of the line, so to say. I don't know how to politely say that I'm not in love and that currently I don't want to have a boyfriend. I'm bad with feelings, I'm usually pretty cold around people. I mean, it's going to hurt him anyways, he can't read the signs I've been giving him, but any advise on that?

I also realized that not only did I want to date my friend, I also wanted to date other people although I'm positive that I won't have that many chances to. This also brings me to the thought: I might regret the breakup. And that would be devastating and extremely unfair for my now-boyfriend. I don't want to regret my decision and then be alone. But, on the other hand, I also don't want to be with someone just because I want to be in a relationship. I want to be with someone because I am in love with that someone. I have only once been in love, and I'm not even sure if you could call it love. The thing was, this boy just loved to flirt and I was lovestruck and felt like a fool. (Btw, the friend who asked me on a date is this boy who now grew up a little bit and we cleared things out: we just want to have fun. Of course I'm also afraid that I will fall for him again.)

On the other hand I like another boy who is my friend but we kinda have a verbally aggressive relationship. I I'm confused because I consider myself a feminist but I can't help liking him, which makes me upset. It isn't extremely aggressive, but our conversations can turn rude at any point. It's umpredictable. I think he doesn't know that I fancy him. We don't go to places together, we just met in school but now I'm at university and he's in his last year of high school. Anyways, again: any advise on asking people out informally?

I know it sounds weird that I'm just getting out of a relationship and want to date people, but it's what it is and I feel like that's what I want to do at the moment. (Another thing to take into consideration: my now-boyfriend doesn't know either of my friends so he wouldn't be affected if I started dating any of them, because he wouldn't find out.)

Thank you in advance for the advise and sorry for the long post ♥ (I hope it wasn't so badly written)

[Slytherin]

I completely identify with this. I read this post and I could have written the exact same one. I have been seeing a girl for a similar amount of time, then I was asked out by a girl who didn't realise and I found myself really wanting to go. I also don't want to regret this decision, but I feel like I want to break up with her. She's lovely, and I would feel bad about it, but if it's not right then it's not right? Let me know how your break up went if you went through with it. I don't know how I would explain it. I don't want to be with someone for the sake of it. I was in love once, many years ago, and perhaps I've just been broken since then, but this doesn't feel like love.

[gryffindor]

Hey, fellow Hogwarts student! I read that you were having the same problem as me regarding your relationship. I wanted to inform you that I broke up with my boyfriend. He was sad: he cried, I cried, we cuddled for one hour and I regretted my decision. However, he said that, after all, it was my decision to make and he couldn't change that. I almost begged him to write me as soon as he could because I wanted to remain friends. He said yes, but that he couldn't promise anything. Anyways: we broke up. And at first I was very sad, for two days I thought of him almost all the time. But then the feeling went away and I didn't feel guilty at all. I think that I forgot about him sooner than I thought I would. And I started going out and flirting again as I wanted to do. However, I still don't know how to face the other two boys that I like (specially the one with who I have a complicated relationship).

Anyways, if you decide to break up with her, do it softly because you have the capacity of hurting her too much, and I'm sure that you don't want that. But the truth is that you will end up hurting her anyways and it will take time for her to heal completely.

What I said to break up was that I was a lone wolf and that I didn't like being in a relationship. I reassured him that he is an amazing guy and that I'm sorry to be breaking up with him but that it would be unfair not to do so, because I would be lying. In the long run, I would end up hurting him and me too. Of course that I didn't tell him that I wasn't in love, but still, that was the implicit truth.

Anyways, tell me what you decided to do!