Did I do the right thing?

[angelbabe]

Hi guys. I'm new here, and thought I'd get some advice or input on my current situation. I warn you this will be long. Read on if you dare..lol.

I have been with my boyfriend for more than 4 years. In the beginning, he was seeing someone else off and on, and was honest about it from the very start. I couldn't care less since I was single before that for almost two years, and was just looking for a good time.

Of course, I developed stronger feelings for him, and thought he was done with the other girl for sure. Well, as you probabaly guessed it, he wasn't. He ended up getting her pregnant. She decided to keep the baby, and instead of making their relationship stronger, it tore the both of them further apart. They ended their relationship on what seemed to be good terms.

Throughout all of this, I stood by him, as a friend only. It was rough for me because I still harbored romantic feelings for him, but knew I had to step back. There were times when he tried to reconcile with her, to try to make it work for the baby's sake, but it just wouldn't work out.

Eventually, we made it offical, and were together finally. It's been wonderful. I then did something I probably shouldn't have done, but at the same time, I'm glad I did. I went through his phone while he was sleeping, which I never did before, and found text messages he sent to her.

They were arguing, but at the end of one of his texts to her he said, "Just know, I always wanted to be with you." Of course, I was angry. I woke him up, and started flipping out. I was getting ready to leave, but he convinced me to stay, and at least talk about the situation.

After we talked for a long time, I told him he should make an attempt to try and work things out with her. He said it would be for the sake of having a family for his son, but I knew he must've still had romantic feelings for her. I mean, she is the mother of his son.

I want him to be happy, and I know he does love me, but I want him to at least try with her. If not, we could never move forward as a couple. I told him I would wait for some time, but if it doesn't work out this time, and he does come back to me, he would have to abandon all thoughts of trying to be with her romantically. I could deal with him being there for his son, in fact, I respect that he is a great father to him, but do you guys think I did the right thing?

I realize I could lose him forever, but I love him so much. I don't know if that was the right thing to do. It would be hard to just turn my back to everything we've made together, but I can't go on with him if he still wants her. I don't know what to do...

[Ashbee]

You must really love this guy... but really dont lower yourself to this! Dont be the woman that sits and waits for her man to decide what he wants...stand up for yourself. I mean if they try and work it out and it works your going to be left totally shattered right? Is it really worth it? It sounds to me like you need to get out of this complicaited mess and start a fresh!

[alovehangoverr]

I would have bailed as soon as he knocked her up.

But anyway..

I think you made a terrible choice in telling him "yeah try it with her.. if it doesn't work out, you still have me."

You shouldn't be second best for anyone.

If he still has feelings for her and wants to work it out than that's his business and you should remove yourself from him and his life completely if that's his choice. Don't wait around on someone who doesn't feel the same for you-- and trust me, if he's going back to this girl AGAIN to try and make it work [when it's obviously failed more than once prior] the two of you aren't even remotely on the same page.

[Gigabitch]

You shouldn't be second best for anyone.

Agreed. You're not a consolation prize.

[angelbabe]

Thank you guys. I think I really knew what to do all along, just needed to hear/read it from people that would actually tell me the truth, and not what I wanted to hear.

Wish me luck, I already packed up, and am moving in with a friend until I can find my own apartment. Things will be hard, but I still have a chance to find what's truly right for me, and that's to be number one.

Again, thanks for the honest responses.

[Yggdrasil]

You ladies beat me to it.

All I would add is: she deserves better than that and should offer herself as a safety net or spare tire.

That's so degrading.

Have some self respect and a feeling of self worth there angelbabe. Some self love, self respect and dignity.