I'm trapped, can't get over him

[canyuhearmenow]

How do I get over him?

I'm trapped.

2 months ago, I broke up with my ex on the grounds that we would stay friends after the break up. We cared about each other deeply, but felt that the beginning of our relationship, which was rocky, had done its damage on the remainder of our relationship and that we needed to draw it to a close. With our last month on campus together, we would go out to dinner, hang out one on one, never physical but still keeping things very intimate together. And the whole time I couldn't help thinking in the back of my head, we're probably going to get back together.

And because that thought is there, I'm constantly considering it. Sometimes I think of the idea and I think, I'd like that. After we have some time apart, maybe we can try again. Our last part of our relationship was wonderful, and he treated me exactly as I wanted to be treated and better; I simply couldn't forgive him for what he had done in the beginning months of our relationship. Maybe with time, I can forgive him, and then we can try again.

And then I think of the idea other times and it makes me feel sick. It makes me wonder if I really want to go back to that after everything that had happened between us. Do I really want to put in the effort again, after all of the hurt I've been through? Shouldn't I just close this case and move on?

And then of course, sometimes I'll get downright mad. Mad about the things he did, mad at myself for not being able to simply forgive him after he had changed his ways. Mad about the way things worked out. And I want to never see or hear from him again.

And then of course, I start hoping that we'll get back together one day.

I've stopped all communication with him in order to stop thinking at all about our future and just move on. And yet I feel more trapped in these thoughts and feelings than ever.

How do I move on? Should I move on? I need someone to talk sense into me.

[beamielove]

Wow your situation is very similar to mine. I also don't know what to do. Like you, I can't forget about the past and sometimes thinking about it just puts me in a bad mood. We broke up a week ago and yesterday he called to tell me he loves me and that he wants to work things out but I don't know if I want to go through everything again. But I miss him so much. I just don't know if we can get better....

If you don't mind me asking, what did he do at the beginning of the relationship?

[canyuhearmenow]

at the beginning of the relationship, he had fears of commitment, and would spend entire weeks not even greeting me when we saw each other on campus. if i saw him, id hang out with him, and he would talk to his friends and ignore me. and then he would walk away without saying goodbye.
it was very hurtful, but these things would happen spontaneously and without pattern. so one day i finally confronted him about it, and he panicked and broke up with me! he told me he couldn't tell me the truth about himself and that he didn't think he ever could, and he left.
then one day we were sitting at the cafe with our friends, and they all left except us two. he told me that he had problems with lying. he told me he used to be in a physically abusive relationship, but that wasnt true. he told me he used to deal drugs, and that wasnt true. and there were a lot of lies that he just didnt think he could own up to me about. he wanted me back, and he just didnt want to string me along while he felt like he couldnt tell me the truth.
I WAS REALLY STUPID...AND I SAID OK.
so we were together again. but then a girl he once hooked up with and had feelings for last year would constantly come up to him and kiss him on the cheek. sometimes he would kiss her back or blow kisses to her.
i was NOT okay with this. and i tried to tell him, and after arguing with me for a while he finally told me he was wrong and at the next opportunity, he would tell her to stop. and it took him three months to do so. during that time, he broke up with me AGAIN because he felt like he wasnt a good enough boyfriend.
and i came back to him and told him he was.

even today i get mad thinking about this girl. i wish i didnt. is it really that big of a deal? i don't know. i also wish i didnt go back to him afterwards.

but anyways, please let me know your thoughts, and please tell me if i have the right to be so angry because i wish i wasnt and i wish i could stop being so resentful.

[DarkHelmet82]

relationships are like drugs... once you are no longer in one its like going cold turkey from a heroine addiction.. seems like its impossible.. i feel ya.. i am going thorough a rough patch myself.. IT SUCKS

[Cinnabella]

at the beginning of the relationship, he had fears of commitment, and would spend entire weeks not even greeting me when we saw each other on campus. if i saw him, id hang out with him, and he would talk to his friends and ignore me. and then he would walk away without saying goodbye.
it was very hurtful, but these things would happen spontaneously and without pattern. so one day i finally confronted him about it, and he panicked and broke up with me! he told me he couldn't tell me the truth about himself and that he didn't think he ever could, and he left.
then one day we were sitting at the cafe with our friends, and they all left except us two. he told me that he had problems with lying. he told me he used to be in a physically abusive relationship, but that wasnt true. he told me he used to deal drugs, and that wasnt true. and there were a lot of lies that he just didnt think he could own up to me about. he wanted me back, and he just didnt want to string me along while he felt like he couldnt tell me the truth.
I WAS REALLY STUPID...AND I SAID OK.
so we were together again. but then a girl he once hooked up with and had feelings for last year would constantly come up to him and kiss him on the cheek. sometimes he would kiss her back or blow kisses to her.
i was NOT okay with this. and i tried to tell him, and after arguing with me for a while he finally told me he was wrong and at the next opportunity, he would tell her to stop. and it took him three months to do so. during that time, he broke up with me AGAIN because he felt like he wasnt a good enough boyfriend.
and i came back to him and told him he was.


You shouldn't be Ok with this, she was being a bitch, not worth a coin :@.

even today i get mad thinking about this girl. i wish i didnt. is it really that big of a deal? i don't know. i also wish i didnt go back to him afterwards.

but anyways, please let me know your thoughts, and please tell me if i have the right to be so angry because i wish i wasnt and i wish i could stop being so resentful.

I think this guy is very coward, he doesn't know what he wanted with you, he was messing around with other girls, he doesn't plan for a future together. What's good about him? You were wasting your time on a Player. Forget him and move on, he deserves to be with that girl.