Boyfriend says he won't get over his past anytime soon

[tigerlily21]

I'm new to this forum...but I honestly needed to talk to someone because this pain is killing me and I don't know what to do...

I was talking to my boyfriend last night about his depression. He says that he is trying hard to be happy but he just can't. He is not over the abuse of his childhood, the betrayal of his friends and family, or his exes. He said he doesn't have feelings for them but he's not over them because they were human beings.

I don't know how to to handle this.

This is my first real relationship. I've waited a long time for someone to love. I had my share of emotional baggage too from my emotional, mental, and sexual abuse that I tried my best to resolve myself and get out of the situation before entering a relationship because I knew it would affect me and I would put myself in bad situations as I so desperately wanted to be loved. It took a very long time but I matured and learned to love myself. I still have difficult trust issues and its very hard to let anyone too close to me (emotionally, physically, mentally)

He says he loves me deeply, wants to marry me, wants to have children with me despite having been vehemently against marriage and having children his whole life. He even refers to me as his fiance.

His exes were spoiled selfish lying cheaters who deceived him in such painful ways. I won't go into detail because I respect his privacy.

All three pursued him, all three cheated throughout the relationship, and all three broke up with him

I don't know how to feel or what to think...it just hurts...it hurts to hear how careless and cruel and selfish people were and how he just let himself get stomped on over and over...

I just don't see what there is that he doesn't want to let go of. I don't know if its himself he's fighting and not what happened. Sometimes I as feel as though we lost our chance to be truly happy because he wanted things to work out so much with the others back then for whatever reason he was so desperate. As if he stopped hoping once we reconnected. As if he loves who I am...but he wishes one of those other girls could have been me...he regrets so much of his past not just exes...

He never had romantic feelings for them like the ones he had with me from the beginning of our friendship years ago. Our circumstances prevented us from being together until now and we both know that and try our best to not dwell on it because it hurts.

I love him and I always have. I don't want to lose him. All this time, I just wanted him to be happy, if even it wasn't with me. I just don't know what I'm supposed to feel...its like there's a sheet of glass between us that prevents me from fully touching him and I don't know how to make it go away...I'm just sad...I don't know what say or do...if there is anything I could do...

I can't change the things that hurt him and I've been his shoulder to cry on...but with his exes...I don't know where that leaves us...i don't want to feel like its too late...
We were just two messed up kids who handled our hurt in different ways...

Sorry about how long that was...any advice please? comments?
Anything you want to say is appreciated...

[adalinaabella]

It is too lengthy will you please write in short.

[smackie9]

Therapy.....he need to see a therapist regularly to teach him how to deal with what happened, understand it, and then learn to forgive and let go.

[Cerby]

Smackie is on the right track, his demons are his own, and there is very little you can do to help. He needs to speak to someone who can help him come to terms with whatever his past entails.