Hey y'all
Been reading through a lot of the posts on here, there seems to be some good and well rounded advice. Nice to hear it come from people with all different kinds of experiences. Which is why I decided to register and post; to find out, if I'm a loser, simply don't understand women, or I'm asking for too much.
This might be long, so get comfy! It's not the most enthralling story in the world, but I guess I just need to get this out.
2 months ago I broke out of a long term relationship. 2 weeks prior to the break up, I had the most amazing experience in my life to-date. I was out with some guy friends, we had had a couple of drinks, and moved on to a new bar. A regular bar for about 3 years. I've often been there to hit on women and practice my social skills. In those situations nothing had ever amounted to much. Well, imagine my suprise when... I was standing chatting with my pals, looked up from my drink, and about 3 metres away a girl stood, by complete chance as I lifted my head up and put my glass down, our eyes met. They locked, and held, with a slight 'unbelievable' kind of smile starting on both of our faces. Now, this might sound lame so far. But I've looked many a girl in the eye across a room, I feel it's a good way to get noticed or let them know your not afraid. Never, had that happened, it was the whole 'across a crowded room thing' but just like it was straight out of a movie script. You know, the slow motion, the gorgeous girl, the music, the feeling inside, the whole...is this really happening feeling?!
Anyway, I got the courage to go and speak to her... Straight away she was friendly and interested, usually it takes a few comments or questions before reaching this point! Well we spoke and I said I would see her later in the pub/club. I went outside for a smoke, she was there. Turns out, she had a boyfriend, I told her I had a girlfriend. We exchanged numbers. A week later we met up for a 'date'. We'd texted quite a lot during the week. So far. So ****ing amazing!!
First date...we had sex, which neither of us had talked about or planned. Turns out, very unusual for both of us. And it was by far the best ever, for either of us!
I broke it off with my girlfriend (obviously felt really bad about the whole cheating thing, it hadn't been working out for a while between us).
So she broke it off with her boyfriend also. And a lttle while after, for the first time in my life a girl was about to say the three magic words first... When I stopped her from saying it, just to say the four magic words back.
Up to this point our relationship felt like something out of a story book. We were ecstatic.
It wasn't long till she started spending most nights at mine, she pratically lives with me now, but it's just not 'official'.
As you can imagine, as we spent more time together, we learnt more about each other. Sometimes I think we're so similar that when she says something, I won't say 'me too' cause it just sounds cheesey! Well this is where the things I am confused about come in...
She would go out with her friends for parties and social occassions, and her ex-boyfriend would always be there. She would often end up staying at his, sleeping on the couch, never alone though, it would be when other people were crashing there too. I was never invited out on the nights out, and I'm still not, because it's 'too senstive', or thats what the reason was for a while. It started feeling a bit wierd that she was seeing her ex a fair bit and I mentioned to her that it felt odd but I completely trusted her 100%. She didn't really say much, but think she was glad I felt free to say. Anyway, nothing's changed much in that regard.
There was a point where she was telling her family and friends about us and I hadn't said anything to anyone but my best friends. She said this really bothered her like she was my dirty little secret, it wasn't like that at all. So I started including her in stuff with my friends, trying to bring her into my social circle. So now it seems wierd that I'm not included in anything she does with her friends, so if we do stuff with other people it's always my friends.
She hardly texts me when she's out anywhere, which is fine, realise when you get carried away with fun you loose track of time, I do it myself. But she used to text a lot more, now I'm lucky to get a response...and if i do, its like 'nightnight' or anything else that can fit under 5 words.
I do trust her implicitly, at the end of the day what's a relationship without trust? So it's not that I'm worried she would cheat on me, and I totally, totally understand the importance of spending time alone with friends.
There are other things too, like she never says the magic 3 words in person, but by text. She often doesn't want hugs or kisses, only only when it suits her. (wierd for me cause all previous girls ive spent time with have loved attention.)
BUT ... the sex is incredible, she says she always gets butterflies in her stomache when we kiss still, that i'm the perfect boyfriend, never forget she loves me etc. But then she always takes the piss, and its ok, i like banter, but its just like all the time now. I think she is great, I have a massive amount of respect for her too, I'm just a little confused about the above things...seems she says one thing, but the way she acts is a little confusing.
I don't know if I'm just used to girls that are a lot more affectionate and vocal about their feelings...I just hope she's not trying to make herself love me, tyring to be in the relationship cause I seem like a good guy. I'm afraid to ask her if the relationship is still working for her because when I approach that sort of thing, I don't think she likes talking about it. She would say ye, or of course...and I don't want her to think I'm insecure. ((although....it may be apparent I have my insecurities...I was burnt real bad in the past))
Anyway.... my ramblings are over, if you read all this nonsense then you deserve a medal! And if you have any advice, at all....then you deserve two medals!
chow for now.