One Month Guy Comes Back but What Does He Want?

[nataly66687]

The one guy I had dated for 1 month, goes and messages me last night, saying "Hey", I didn't notice the message until today, and replied, and him and I talked a bit, sharing how each of us was doing, and I told him I was still talking to guys and dating on and off, but being screwed over by guys too basically getting hurt.

HIM: "I'm sorry. I didn't want to screw you over. You actually are a really sweet girl. And very cute."

HIM: "If you want to get out and see a movie or something, I'd still like to be your friend. Just let me know."

ME: "Why be friends, there's no point in that."

HIM: "Well, I'd love to do more, but I think I am missing something important. There's something about you that keeps me interested, but I feel like I need to make a change in my life before it can work."

ME: "What do you mean?"

HIM: "Once I get my situation and little more stable, then I won't have so much self doubt."

ME: "I don't get it. Your life is already set what more do you need or need to do to change it, I don't get it."

HIM: "I'm OK, but living paycheck to paycheck. I'm pretty close to changing that. But I still doubt everything. I have only myself to depend on. If I make a mistake, it really hurts. So I feel like I need to be extra cautious."

ME: "Well the doubtfulness needs to be changed and only you can change it. You and I can try dating again, and just date, like we did, I didn't see anything wrong when we dated and thought all was well."

HIM: "It was actually pretty good. But I have doubts about my life. I'm working on it, but like you say, only if can change it."

ME: "Then why can't you change while we date? Why does everything need to be set in stone, then go forth. Everything should have been that way, before you got onto the dating websites etc."

HIM: "I don't know. I'm very conflicted. Date me. I'll put the full effort into it."

So what does he mean exactly? I am so confused here.

[TheEvilJester]

I don't see what there is to be confused about here. I mean, as I see it, this almost certainly means one of two things:

A) He sincerely did like you and might want to consider dating you again..... but he just feels he isn't ready yet.

or

B) He isn't interested in dating you, but just didn't want to hurt your feelings, so he didn't want to come out and just say that.

Honestly, whether it is A or B doesn't really change the course of action I personally feel you should take. Which is that my personal advice would be not to date him again. At least not yet. First off, you deserve to be with somebody who wants to be with you, not somebody you basically have to convince to give you a chance. If he's sincere about wanting to get his life in order and then still wants to give you another chance, let him take care of all that and reach back out to you then. If you still happen to be single and find you are still interested in dating him, maybe you pursue it then.

I personally, though, would not recommend dating somebody who is basically telling you they don't think they are ready to be dating yet. You have to do what feels right for you, though. So, if you do choose to give him a chance anyway, at least please do so with caution. Do so knowing that he could, at any time, decide it just isn't working or he still doesn't feel ready to get serious with somebody. If it winds up working out after all, then that is great, but I just wouldn't get your hopes too high for a guy who sounds like he's trying to prepare you for eventual rejection already. I could certainly be wrong, and I'd be happy to be wrong, but I just recommend caution. Good luck to you either way.

[nataly66687]

Well him and I talked everything out and he does want to date me again and so we will date and take things slow and see what happens.