Old Love Letters......

[bluesummer]

I was just reading someone else's thread about their bf having pics of their ex, and it kind of got me thinking....

My fiance and I have pics of our exes, which isn't a big deal to me. Most of them are pictures of our grads or important events that we're not just going to toss away to make each other feel better. It's obvious we both have pasts, so whatever.

The only thing I thought about was old love letters or cards or things like that. When I had fully moved on, I junked everything my exes gave me in this respect, simply because it didn't mean anything anymore, and was pointless to dwell on. My fiance admitted to having kept these things, and asked me if it bothered me, to which I replied "No" (this was early on in the relationship).

Now I'm thinking, is it okay to keep them now that we're getting married? I'm thinking of bringing it up and asking, in a non-confrontational way, if he still intends to keep them.....and maybe explain why he feels the need to keep them. If he wants to, I won't put up a big fuss over it, I guess I just need to understand what the point is of keeping these things. Is it my right to do that? Or should I just keep my mouth shut?

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I have some old letters, photos and stuff from old flames, including my husband. They are in a box someplace at the back of a closet but its fun finding them every few years & looking through them. Its a part of your past, why would you ever want to get rid of them, unless its to deliberately forget a hurtful period?

So, question for you: I have a couple of very nice pieces of jewelry from some 'old friends'. One is a beautiful native art brooch I am very fond of. The other is a hand-carved ivory & gold daguerre locket. Both are very classy pieces, but I don't wear them, b/c my husband knows who gave them to me.

Should I wear them? Or just save them for my future (hopefully) daughter-in-law?

[all alone]

i wouldn't read into it too much. I think it's a personal decision. Some people would rather dump everything the second they break up to get over it, others would rather keep them for historic purposes. I think it really just depends on your personality.

[vashti]

Let it go. I have pictures and letters from my first love, who was a first class asshole. They are somewhere in the back of my closet. The last time I looked at them, I pulled them out with my daughter and we had a good laugh about them. It's nice for kids to see that you were once a person separate from your spouse. it makes you seem more human to them.

[Junket]

I have some letters still from a girl I, yes, met over the internet. She was from California, nice girl.

We had talked extensively before AmeriCorps, but never took it seriously. Just a lot of wistful conversations when we were lonely. I had stayed in contact with her throughout my service year, and since I never got any mail, decided to start sending her letters.

I kept the one's she sent. They're tucked away in a mail envelope I keep of keepsake mail. I also have all the mail Amy has given me in the past. Including the world's greatest for-a-guy-valentine card that has ever existed.

[bluesummer]

Maybe I just have a different viewpoint. I got rid of the letters/cards from my ex-husband because he was a jerkoff and all those things he said felt like lies anyways. In our first year together he made me throw out a shoebox full of letters from my ex-bf that I'd been with for five years. The message I got from that was that men didn't like the lingering presence of other males around 'their' woman, which is another reason I scrapped everything before moving in with my fiance. I wanted him to feel like I had no attachments.

This isn't a question of whether or not he loves me. Material possessions also don't bother me, I can understand keeping that stuff (especially jewellery or expensive things). I just always figured people that needed to hold onto these things were carrying some emotional baggage. Maybe not.

Meh, whatever. I guess it's really not important.

[starbuck]

I agree with those who say not to read too much into it. I keep letters, too. Usually they're in a box somewhere tucked away and I rarely ever take them out. Sometimes old letters remind us more of our past selves than our past partners. I could throw them away if I absolutely HAD to, but I'd like to look back at that stuff when I'm old and grey.

"Every man's memory is his private literature."--Aldous Huxley

EDIT: Posted before I read your last response. Doesn't sound like you're sweating it.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, if you mean your ex, I don't blame you. In your shoes I would have put everything of his into a huge pile & lit a bonfire in the yard. I might have kept the voodoo doll for special occasions, tho.

It depends on the situation & the kind of breakup, I guess.

[bluesummer]

I think, in truth, I would've LIKED to have kept those letters from my first bf I was with for five years. They were so corny and idealistic......

Nothing as funny as reading the words of your 18 yr old self writing shit like "We're going to be together forever...." and "You're the only one I'll ever love....." Lol. You're right, Vash....it would be a good thing to show to kids. Especially when they're teenagers and being mad at you for not believing that they're going to marry their gf/bf. You get to be all like "Oh yeah, well read this.....I used to say the same thing."

[vashti]

Looking back at old things tends to remind you how much you've evolved. As I said, I laughed at the old love letters, but when I got them, I certainly didn't laugh. I thought they were romantic. I'm not entirely sure I'd even recognize the guy any more. He's probably lost all his hair by now.

I can assure you I have no residual emotional baggage whatsoever... I forgot the stuff was even in the closet - my kid was rumaging around in there looking for art supplies. It was fun to look back... We looked at old pictures of my husband and his ex-wife, too. We laughed even harder at THOSE photos.

Really, those letters will mean less than nothing to you in 5 years.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, its a good reminder about perspective, I think. I mean, just imagine when you're 70 and looking back at all the dumb stuff you'll have argued with your hubby about.

Sometimes, I really wish we could just *peek* into the future. Oh well.

[Dasein]

I must admit that I have thrown out most letters/cards that have been given to me by exes. I don't really want to be reminded and I like to focus on here and now.

Recently my partner was ripping a whole stack of my CD's so we can have a huge music library. I waded through all these CD's just so I could separate the photo CD's that have pictures of me and my exes. It wasn't because my current partner would flip out but more because that is a part of my past.

[1averagejoe]

All that shit from my ex was burned or deleted. The only stuff I still have are prom and homecoming pictures, which my mom has. I don't want to see them at all, that's a part of my past I don't want to remember.

[snoz]

Letters are a great thing to hold on to I mean there was a few things that I've received I've burnt/thrown out at the heat of the moment but I do regret doing it.

I think it's a pure self reflection thing. Where you once were and where you're now. I laughed when you said "We're going to be together forever...." just made me smile to think we were once that naive (in a good way).

What sucks is I had written a letter to my first ex's mum about how I'll always love her daughter blah blah this is no puppy love and she still has that letter. We had a good laugh about that the other day too.

[Zilla80]

I think, in truth, I would've LIKED to have kept those letters from my first bf I was with for five years. They were so corny and idealistic......

Ahh yes, I wish I would have kept my letters from my first girlfriend. My first taste of love. Those letters were the best.

However my last girlfriend made me get rid of them all and I stupidly did.