Whats up with this guy? Tell me how it is..

[Sinny]

Okay.Where to start? ill try and cut the crap.

I should probably tell you that im 19 and this guys 31. I should add also, the only previous long relationship i have had was with a guy of 27. And this new guy (31) had split with his GF of 4 years who is 21...i dont think age is relevent in my dilema given our previous exspirences..or maybe it is?

I met this guy at my local pub, we became pub buddies, thats all it was untill i split with my ex. After he learned we split, flirting started with nice smiles and private jokes. After i refused a few times i let him take me out, on a few occasions he took me to another favored place of his and introduced me to all his close friends, and i even went to friends houses with him.

We took the next step and he stayed the night at mine, and he'd been an up standing gentleman all night. He left in the morning and told me to txt him. I never did, just as i was busy at the time. A week or more later he contacted me, and came round mine..he was rather surprised i hadnt been in touch, i smiled and played it cool.

On the 3rd time i went to meet him, he was rather upset and angry with himself, and told me he shouldnt have got involved with me because hes still in love with his ex and how bad he felt for me.

I told him to stop being mushy and dont worrry about it...i was looking for something casual and fun myself...my ex still pretty much consumed my mind.

He said he cant do that, that u cant have sex no strings attached...not with friends at least, he said we now had a bond. I maintained that if he wanted to call it a day, he could as long as i got a beer out of it or we could carry on bein casual.

As time went on i went from seeing him weekends, to having the odd drink in the week, to him coming round mine very often every other night. During one of these nights i asked him what king of thing we had going on, and he said were good mates and your a good comfort. I asked if we could see other people (i was being a bit defensive but he didnt notice lol) and he said sure dont let me stop u from seeing anyone..do what u gotta do.

Not that i had anyone in mind, but then one night we were both at the pub "as friends" he sang on kareokee (hes quite good)...but i put my eyes anywhere other than him because i felt a lil awkward. then he got dowwn and asked me to dance, i said no because we were there as friends with many othe mutual friends around.

Then i got chatting to a lad i knew and was rather fond of, he bought me drinks and offered my guy over too...he kindly refused and pulled me to the side saying he was off home for a bit, and told me that he could tell this lad was intrested and i should go for it..like talking to one of the girl friends really. infact he rather pushed the subject.

Anyway mr 31 left and me and this lad had a really good night, we went to a friends for more drinks and i didnt get home untill the small hours, where i drunkenly cheched my texts and facebook...where i find messages from mr 31 upset and angry that id gone off with someone else reading similar to " Ive only been to work for a few days, and then i want to see you and therea already another man!"

we didnt speak for a few days then he started coming round like normal and we never discussed his reaction that night.

Since then he has had me round his own home alot...introduced me to his mom and dad, told me alot about his daughter from his last reltionship..(she 1)..told me cares about me and presses that he thinks about me now and then....with us still being "friends".

The confusing bit is...this has been going on for a year now and the last few months i havent seen him alot, sometimes at weeks intervals. At no point do i contact him alot, for my prides sake i act indifferent and allow him to contact me manly, as an exsperiment i even ignored him for several days to see what i can get out of him..as his usual txts are short and unemotional, if i ignor these he reaches out more, showing some feeling for once.

Most the time we spend is as friends even when were lying in bed, untill the sex, then it gets hot...then after the sex we continue as if nothings happend and we are just bunking together, but recently, the less i see him, the more affectionate hes getting, wanting cuddles and kissing alot more.

And dont get this wrong this is not me being a needy typical girl, when hes affectionate i hardly respond, it will take more than that for my defences to drop...been there done that...

Untill the other night he came round, we were laughing and joking, and he was being veryyyy affectionate...i werent respondiong much but after a while i felt bad not relaxing with him, so i loosened up kissed him back laughed and rested on him...

When he pushed me away jokingly and said "look at ya getting all mushy and shit"...he said that rather rudely. we continued that night but i havent seen him since (about a week ago now)

i dont know if i should see him agian seeing as he changes his mind on where hes going with all the time..i never know how to act around him, hes always asking if i see other people, sometimes he acts like im nothing to him, sometimes he says im such a good friends, and at other times he presses that were more than that...

Im pretty easy going, i ont ask him about his "other" private life, i dont chase him around, i play it cool, give him space, **** him unemotionally...and even return his affection when he wants to have it thrown in my face....

WHAT DOES THIS GUY WANT?? SOMEONE PLEASE SHED SOME LIGHT

[Regnent]

I have to bring it up.
While age can sometimes be ignored, experiences and life stages cannot.

He's got a kid, I assume he's got a career of some sort, 12 years of experiences over you.

You've got what? School? Maybe a job?

Who knows what he wants. He's 31, you're 19.

I think once you get both parties into their 30's, age is less relevant, but at this point, the gap isn't doing anything possitive for a real relationship.

There's bound to be so many questions in this type of case that you can't be sure of anything. You're not even done developing as a person yet, and you want to know what he's thinking?

I'm not trying to be overly harsh here, but seriously, find someone closer to your age. At least you'll both have the same questions at that point.

[Sinny]

Thanks for your veiw.... i get what you mean with the age thing...but im not looking for love, or even a relationship, hes still in a mess over his ex and me with mine...we both understand this...all i want is something clear cut...if its a hook up, id rather have it structured with none of this friend business, but he said he doesnt want that, he wants more than sex. He wants a friend to have sex with..even that would be okay with me, but as i say now and then he gets emotional, and nearly all of these occasions i keep up my defences i dont want to exspose myself, as you say hes alot older and more exsperienced..i bear this in mind...but it is him that complictes things and gets affectionate, on the couple of occasions i responded back to him, simply because id be evil if i didnt..hes made me feel stupid afterwards...i cant stress enough that i havent pushed this "thing" at all...but the ways hes acting is getting to me...ruining a good thing...for the sake of my time and our friendship i just want to know why an older guy like him would want to confuse the situation and change the goal posts everytime we meet??

[hello1]

You know what I think your falling for him, you are hoping he falling for you too and thats why your asking us "why is he acting like this?"

I am 21 years old, older than you but I wouldn't even date a 31 year old man! they are at a different point in their life and the older someone is, the more bagage they have. This man has a child, to me that be a right turn off from the start. I think you should just end it and let him get back with his baby mum or find someone who wants be in a serious relationship.

[Regnent]

Even a sexual relationship between you two is going to be confusing. Sure, he probably won't have -some- of the immature and under devoloped 'feelings' confusing him, but common now. He's in his 30's, regardless of his ex, he's going to be trying to find some stability. Or he should be. If he's one of those 30 year old acting like he's 20's, you're doing yourself no good being around him.

Even in just a sexual relationship, you should be finding someone either stable, or in a similar stage of life. You're looking to grow your experiances, not taint them with perspectives a decade ahead of you. (or behind, depends on your view)

[Sinny]

Thanks guys... i had my suspicions i might have been letting him get to me a lil to much, now i can see it from an outside point of veiw thats all i need ..

[Kaius]

You being practically a child is no match for someone in his 30s. When he became an adult, you just started elementary school. He has lots more life experience and wits than you do. By the time you turn 31, you would not be the same person you are today. How can you expect things to work out? Also, how can you respect a man who is interested in such a young girl? I mean, seriously, he doesn't like you for who you are. He likes you because you are fresh meat to him, and he likes them younger the better.