Girlfriend Drama

[Carpenter_10]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year now. She's 20, I'm 26. Lately we've been having a lot of problems.

First off, my past relationships don't even compare to this girl. She is by far the BEST girlfriend I have ever had, and I love her, but I'm finding myself in the same situation as always working to hold onto a relationship.

We sometimes fight, but it's usually not heated, more like disagreements or conflicts of interest, but nothing abusive. This use to happen once every few months, then every month, then every few weeks, now every few times we see each other.

The first 7-9 months we were together were amazing. She is so cool, beautiful, funny, and just fun overall. But these last few months have started showing more bad times than good.

The main issue is trust and control issues. She gets mad when I want to hang out alone with my friends, and hates when I talk or even acknowledge other girls (she has tons of douchebag guy friends and I don't say anything). I know she loves me, but I feel like she loves the 'idea' of me, and what I mean to her, but doesn't let me have my independence.

A few days ago, she accused me of letting my friends manipulate me into avoiding her. Putting aside the fact that it's simply not true, I have never felt so insulted by a girlfriend. She made me feel like I have no confidence to make my own decisions, suggesting that I am controlled whether it's by my friends, or her.

So needless to say, I want to have a talk with her, but after she told me this, all I said was "Wow! have a good night"....dismissing her. She is being very passive aggressive towards me now, and it's eating me up, I feel like a break-up is imminent, but she won't even talk to me.

Added to this is she has her midterms this week, so I don't want to put any added stress on her. But I feel like I should at least try to get through to her to give both her and I some closure until we work things out.

What should I do?

[bulrush]

She sounds somewhat insecure. Why would a breakup with someone so controlling bother you? Aside from the emotional investment, that is.

Find out if she wants to own, then work on, her insecurities. If not, then it's time to move on. If so, then you can help her work on them.

[vashti]

You aren't a shrink. Accept her for the way she is, or break up with her and let her fix herself while you look for a healthier partner. You've only got a year invested, which isn't much in the long run.