need help making a move

[niceguy01]

Hey guys and gals, thanks for replying to my first post. Thought I would start a new one.

I need help making a move on my "friend" whom I fell in love with. For the second time this week, she invited me to her place to watch a movie, and I'm like "ok, I'm making a move tonight" but then I get paralyzed, and I can't do anything. All I want to do is hold her hand, or put my arm around her, but I just can't do it!

Anyways, I asked her out for dinner tomorrow nite, and she accepted. The question is, should I buy her a bouquet of flowers? I feel this would probably be an easy way to make a move. But I also feel the need to make some sort of intimate contact, but I'm having a tough time getting myself to do it. I'm not sure why I can't make some sort of move, I think I'm scared of rejection as well as freaking out my friend.

I can't believe I'm typing this in a forum, but I really need some help! I think there is a good possibility she likes me, but she won't wait forever, that's why I feel I need to make a move on her and soon, otherwise I fear someone else will sweep her away.

[Ellynn]

Just do it! Flowers are always a nice touch...and I think it will get your message across in a good way.

[baadshah_007]

all the best.

[Cybog]

ugh. The classic chump mistake.

Save yourself the cash and don't buy a bouquet. An entire bouquet of flowers says "Pompous Sucker" all over it. Any guy can go out and spend 50 bucks and get something expensive. That doesn't mean anything to a chick.

If you want to impress this little lady, remember the Golden Rule: Less is More.

1 single flower (white, yellow or purple) says "He spent the time to go out and get 1 single flower just for me!" whereas an entire dozen roses says "Ok, he's trying to show off..."

Save the bouquets for anniversaries or Valentine's day (If you are chump enough to actually celebrate Valentine's day that is) and go with something simple and direct.

And as far as putting "the moves" on her, stop being a pussy and do something. Put your arm around her. Hold her hand. ANYTHING.

I think there is a good possibility she likes me

For god's sake if she's asking you to come over for dinner...it's not because she finds you revolting. She could have asked any douche bag in the planet out, and she asked you. Get a clue.

Make a move now, or sit around while some other chump does. Your choice.

[niceguy01]

Thanks for all the replies!

I wasn't intending to spend $50 on flowers, I was thinking along the lines of a small bouquet, and I think that is the best way. Or, should I buy a single rose? I'm thinking it's a little early for roses though.

Also, I was the one that asked her out for dinner, but she invited me over to her place twice in a row to watch a movie, and I'm taking it as a good sign.

As far as making a move, your right Cybog I have to do it, otherwise some other guy will. I just find it difficult, but tonight when I'm with her I'm going to do something.

Wish me luck

[AnthonyCasta]

Allright ... Here is my opnion .. I have always been a little scared of making a move on a good friend .. You should ask yourself how valueable is your friendship? This is important because if she doesn't have the same feelings for you and you let her know or show her that you have "more then friends" feelings it could ruin what you have. I speak this from experience. Flowers are a good touch .. if you sence the vibe from them is bad, you can always come back with you deserve them, or something along those lines...

Let me ask you this ... does she talk about other guys around you?

Good luck and keep us posted ...

[niceguy01]

Hey guys, thanks for all the replies!

Well, everything went well last night, she had a really great time, liked the flowers and dinner. She did not get freaked out as I worried, she did not push me away. However, she told me she doesn't want to rush into any relationships, and I can totally understand that as she has been burned in the past. At the end of the night, she didn't kiss me, I was kind of hoping that she would, BUT when she hugged me last night, it was WAY different than the other times she hugged me. She held me really tight, maybe that means something?

Anthony, no, she doesn't talk about other guys around me. Like me, she doesn't have many friends. I'm assuming this is a good sign?

By now, she must suspect that I like her. And if she didn't have at least some interest, I'm pretty positive she would have let her feelings be known. She doesn't seem the type to give false hope to a guy. Instead, I got the impression last night that she wants to spend even more time with me! Tonight, for example, I'm heading over to a friends to watch Summerslam, and she wants to come, even though she really isn't in to wrestling that much.

So, it was a good evening, we both enjoyed ourselves, I think we are closer now than before. I'll give it time, hopefully it will work out the way I'm hoping.

[niceguy01]

Well, it looks like me and her aren't getting together tonight

She called up and said she couldn't make it because she decided to babysit for one of her friends. I told her that's fine, but I'm a little pissed off and confused because it seemed like she was really interested in going with me, and yet she decides to cancel my plans and babysit for someone. I mean, she could have said to this friend "sorry, but I'm busy tonite". I know that's what I would have done.

Also, another thing that is bugging me and I really haven't thought about too much untill now, is that she always mentions "friend", never gives a name. I dunno if it's a guy friend, or a female friend, or what, like she will say "I'm going out with friends". She has never introduced me to her so called "friends". I wonder why?

So, what do you suggest I do? Should I wait for her to call me? Should I call her in the next few days? She is interested in hanging out with me still, she said that. I'm confused. I'm in love with her so much, I just want to be with her. I got good vibes last night, I was all happy, now I'm just sad and confused.

I'm starting to think it's time to start telling her how I feel and get this off my chest. I've been trying subtly, but I think I have to tell her, it's driving me nuts.

Sorry for the long post, I just need some help here.

[Abraxxas]

I know where you are, been there before and my advice to you is to stop thinking about it so much. I know, I know, easier said than done but you've seen positive signs from her so far, a little bit at a time and that says a lot. She may be feeling a bit nervous about all this too if she can sense what you're feeling which it sounds like she does and the more calm and normal you act around her the more comfortable she will be with things. If you seem all nervous and wierd around her suddenly she may not know what to think of it herself.

Right now your mind is going 250 and you're thinking of every "what if" you can possibly imagine and likely driving yourself insane in the process Maybe this friend shes babysitting for had something big come up? Sounds like you've been spending a fair amount of time with her lately and I wouldnt let one change of plans work you up too much, after all you just spent time with her last night. I would just feel good about how well your last couple get-togethers seem to have went and be happy about that.

When you're watching movies with her does she get snuggly with you? Like laying on you or next to you or anything?

[niceguy01]

hey abbraxxas, what you said is exactly the way I feel! I'm glad I'm not the only one that has felt like this before

Anyways, when we watch a movie, she does sit next to me, she gets close but she doesn't make any physical contact. Yesterday, I put my arm around her chair, not really around her, and she didn't seem to mind.

The fact is, I'm expecting that if she has feelings for me, she would let me know, as it is now, it's not very apparent, and I would like to know where I stand.

[Tone]

You're the man. She's the woman. She's probably waiting for YOU to make the right moves. And what girl would NOT want to babysit rather than go watch wrestling with a bunch of guys for crying out loud... calm down dude... when you said "we probably won't be getting together after tonight" I expected you to tell us she got a boyfriend or something catastrophic not "she cancelled on me to go watch wrestling with my buddies" gimme a break lol...

Anyways dude - like was said you need to just RELAX. She wants to take things slow, so take things slow but do not be shy about how you feel - and by that I don't mean spill your guts to her.. do it with body language, show her how you feel about her, rather than tell her... little things like touching her arm while you talk or somethin...

Good luck, and remember just calm down and don't be afraid to take a chance, be more afraid of living with regret.

[niceguy01]

Bad news, I got rejected by her

I told her how I feel, and she gave me the "friends" thing. She said she would never say never about not getting together and that in her words, she couldn't date me, not now. I don't know if this means she is leaving an opening or not.

I talked to my friend about it, the one who dated her for a while, and he told me he was also rejected at first, but then she decided to go for him. He said I should wait it out, that her feelings could change, and that he talked to her and felt that she would go for me down the road.

So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't know what I should do, should I simply erase her from my life, or should I stay friends with her.

I'm going to be talking to her tonight. What do you guys think I should do? My heart says to stay friends, that it might just take more time. But my head is saying to just erase her, because not being able to get together with her will tear me up inside, plus the last time I stayed friends with a girl I liked never worked out and I got hurt even more.

[Tone]

Man you got a lot to learn, the second something isn't going your way you just want to give up and quit. Toughen up dude.

Like I already said - you need to relax and take things slow - because that's what SHE wants. She obviously doesn't like rushing into things, as per her last relationship that you failed to learn from, so don't sweat it. If her telling you she doesn't want a boyfriend right now scares you off and she doesn't hear from you anymore, she's going to realize she was right in saying no to you, isn't she? Why would she want to be with anyone who runs soon as things don't go his way?

What I would do - is if you think this girl likes you, which it sure sounds like it from what you tell us, is hang in there. Keep hanging out with her and just don't even worry about any of that stuff... just enjoy being with her and let her enjoy being with you... make her want to be your girlfriend.

If it doesn't look like there is gonna be a chance, if you don't think she's diggin you, then yeah, move on.

When you talk to her tonight - don't mention anything about all this... just hang out like you normally would, show her how much fun it is to hang out together. Pretend like it (her rejecting you) never happened... how did that go btw? What was said on each end?

[Ellynn]

Be friends with her....nothing really to lose that way........never know what can happen....the possibilities are endless.


But also keep your options open. Don't dwell on things working out with her. Keep in mind other women........

[Turtle]

I just joined this forum today and started reading this thread. The first mistake I think you made was the flowers. You gave them to her before you actually told her how you felt, so she probably was wondering what the flowers meant (ex: your intentions)

That being said, I have been on the losing side of these situations before. It is going to be really hard, but be her friend and DO NOT get overly flirtatious or try and do anything extra physical like put your arm around her if you didnt do that stuff before you told her how you felt.

I am not saying give up. I have learned that a woman will give you subtle hints to let you know when she may be ready to let you into her life a little more. Be friends now but look for anything different in her mannerisms. See if she initiates contact while watching a movie, or puts her arm around you, or rubs your arms/ back/ etc. Once you get the definite sign in your mind then follow someone elses advice on this thread....BE THE MAN. She is the woman and wants to be pursued but that doesnt mean she wont let you know when she is ready. Once she is take advantage.