Career vs. Boyfriend... Who will win?

[centzontotochti]

My high-school English teacher told me to write like a girl's skirt... long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep you interested. So, that's exactly what I'm going to do in this post...

I currently have a boyfriend that I've been with for about 6 months. Things were going well, but not until about 3 weeks ago did he become absolutely amazing. For about 3 weeks, he's been leaving me "I love you" notes on my car at 6:30am while I'm at the gym, he's been coming into my place of work to bring me food when I'm staying late to finish up projects, he's been taking me out to dinner, movies, etc. To make a long story short, I feel like a princess!

About a week ago, I got offered a job in my hometown of Pittsburgh. I've been craving to go back for some time now, but I just haven't had the opportunity. This would not only increase my pay, but it would also satisfy that craving to return home and start some new adventures in my life. The only thing that is holding me back is this boyfriend. I could never ask him to move to Pittsburgh from Austin (a city that he loves), and I could never offer to support him if he couldn't find a job in Pittsburgh.

In order to help myself make this decision, I sat the boyfriend down and I asked him the question that no girl should ever ask a guy: Are we going to get married or what? haha And to my surprise, he said "yes. I want to get married to you. I want to have kids with you. I want to be with you forever."

So the big decision is: Does one stay for the love of a boy, or does one leave for the love of a city and independence?

[VincenzoG91]

You can't love a city, it's just streets and buildings, and those buildings eventually get renamed and replaced. And you can't love independence, it's just an abstract concept that won't keep you warm at night. And with the average American changing jobs every 3 years now, a good relationship can easily outlast a good job.

However, six months is not a really long relationship. A commitment is nice, but why did the relationship only become great recently? And what was it like before? How do you two fight, and how do you make up? Have there been any recurring problems? I don't really need detailed answers here, I just hope that you can pose those questions to yourself and think this over.

And about Pittsburgh... that seems random that somebody from Pittsburgh reached all the way out to Austin to find a job candidate. Was there a recruiter involved? And more importantly, were you actively looking for a job in Pittsburgh? And while the pay will be better, have you factored in the higher cost of living in Pittsburgh? Or the depressed economy in Pittsburgh compared to a place like Austin?

I don't know the right answer for you, but I hope that my questions are helpful. Hope you make the right choice and everything turns out well.

[Illusional]

duh... first ask him if he's willing to move with you. if it's a yes, that will solve everything, and if he says no, then come back and i'll leave you another answer. stop jumping to conclusions.


raverboy

[nerdy_guy]

Six months? and you're asking him for marriage? I could be a prince for 6 months, then turn to an ogre after that. Like I always say, marriage doesn't solve anything. Illusional is right, try asking if he'd move with you, who knows, maybe he might be in love with you more than he loves Austin. Try asking for his input on the whole matter. Find out what he has to say about it. Come back if you're not satisfied with his answer.

[lahnnabell]

Funny that this thread should come up. I just chose my career over my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, but he's moving across the country, nearer to where I grew up. At first this was a great opportunity for me to go home and be closer to him, but I was recently offered the promotion I'd been working for months for. I had to take it.

We both know that this is the best course of action right now. I needed this promotion and he needs this opportunity to leave home and grow up (essentially). I know I can't do a 3,000 mile distance for an indefinite period of time, and neither can he. I'm pretty sure that it will only breed resentment and frustration and ultimately result in a blow out break-up over the phone. I don't want that. So, when he leaves, we will break up.

We've been together for a year this month, and neither of us are ready to say "I do". I want to get married because I'm ready and willing, not for the sole purpose of saving a relationship. The answer for you does not lie in getting married. 6 months is usually the "honeymoon period" where couples spend time getting to know one another before the reality and hard work comes in. You have to give yourselves time to cultivate a strong, healthy relationship. 6 months is hardly enough time, in my opinion. You have to see each other at your worst before you can decide if it's something you want for the rest of your life.

[Gribble]

Absolutely you should take a career over love. Love is fickle. Whether you like it or not, your relationship is almost certainly going to end. What will you have then? A broken heart, all the more painful because you gave up a solid, tangible opportunity for the sake of flighty emotions.

Bah. Dump him and move. Fall in love in Pittsburg.