career vs girl

[fantasy123]

gonna graduate college. looking for grad schools. I think the story doesn't need to be said more.

I love her, shes the best, we been together 3 years and have talked about getting married. But part of me fears the regret of not going to schools I want because of it and the what-ifs, . and I have been unhappy because I can't balance them and now we are in a big fight and she wants me to make a decision... and I have been keeping it bottled but can't anymore, and I don't want to resent her...

I guess I'm not looking for "what should I do" but what should I think about?

[vashti]

Why don't you just apply to wherever you like, and see where you get in? Then, tell her you'd like her to come along.

[Roqua_99]

Reality is mate, we can't tell you what you want to think about. You have to make that choice on your own. if I were you I would stay with her. Job's can come and go, girl's you have been with for year's don't.

Good luck my friend.

[reeba]

Relationships are a team effort. both of you need to have some flexibility.

By the way, right now a specific school may seem like a 'career', but it isn't. The right program might help you get your 'little toe' in the door, but it doesn't gaurantee the perfect long term career. Breaking up with a girl that you would otherwise seriously consider as a life partner, because of a 2 year school opportunity isn't the wisest of decisions.

[Cici54]

I don't know why you can't go to grad school and stay in a relationship. Depending on what she's doing in the career area, ask her to come with her, or do a long distance thing. If you were thinking about marriage anyway, you were always going to have to both organize where you're working and where you're living together. Grad school is just like a job, in that it's a lot of work, and you generally have to be in a certain place. No matter where you are in life, it's always going to be a balancing act between career responsibilities and relationships.
Why exactly is it her vs. grad school? If it's moving away, you can try to stay close or try something long distance. If it's that grad school is a big commitment, then take into consideration that this is intended to benefit you in the long term.

[Applesauce]

if she sees a future with you, then she should have your best interests in mind which means getting into the school of your choice. If she is already fighting with you about moving, then she isn't the one for you

[reeba]

i coudln't disagree more with applesauces reply. 'if she is the girl for you then she would have your best interests in mind'. so where is 'if you are the guy for her you would have her interests in mind'. note i left of 'best'. that word makes it sound like it is your way or the highway. and soemone with that attitude shoudln't be in a relationship.

my college career spans 14 years, and if you want to include teaching i can even add a couple of years to that. a fancy degree means little in the world outside of academia. unless you plan on getting a phd or going into a specific area of research, the shcool you go to will mean squat 3 years from now. ask anyone who has graduated recently and they will tell you the same. a degree gets your little toe in the door, a degree from the right school might get your big toe in the door, but it is work experience that gets your foot in the door.

so what i'm saying is, there are probably MANY grad programs that can help you reach your goals. but i doubt that there are MANY girls that you would consider as a partner for life. the wrong relationship is a hell of a lot more detremental to you for many many years (mentally, financially, etc), than chosing a school that is your fifth choice instead of your first choice.

[Junket]

Girls are an expense.

Careers are an investment.

[Applesauce]

reeba says:

"i coudln't disagree more with applesauces reply. 'if she is the girl for you then she would have your best interests in mind'. so where is 'if you are the guy for her you would have her interests in mind'. note i left of 'best'. that word makes it sound like it is your way or the highway. and soemone with that attitude shoudln't be in a relationship."

the OP didn't mention anything about his gf needing to relocate for school or a career. Therefore, my advice is contingent on the info he provided. It's selfish of her to get mad at him for wanting to advance his education and secure himself a stable future. What if their relationship doesn't work out? Then he has to live with the decision to structure his life around someone who is now no longer a part of it

"my college career spans 14 years, and if you want to include teaching i can even add a couple of years to that. a fancy degree means little in the world outside of academia. unless you plan on getting a phd or going into a specific area of research, the shcool you go to will mean squat 3 years from now. ask anyone who has graduated recently and they will tell you the same. a degree gets your little toe in the door, a degree from the right school might get your big toe in the door, but it is work experience that gets your foot in the door."

if your resume is suppose to impress me, I'm not. You must be doing something wrong if you've been in college for 14 yrs. Also, you are quick to pass judgment without taking into consideration valid reasons for the OP to move for school. Perhaps one of the schools offers him a scholarship. Maybe he gets accepted to the school of his choice that will better prepare him for his career. Or maybe the only school he gets accepted to is far away