Sorry for making this so long but there is a decent amount of backstory so please bear with me. So, I am currently attending college away from home so I'm living on campus. Last semester I made a group of new friends and our group would hang out upwards of 4-5 hours per day (kinda a crazy amount but we all got along well). This group (we called it the squad) consisted of me, two other guys, I'll call them B and T, and two other girls, I'll call K and C with T and K dating. About halfway through last semester K and T had a bad break up and I ended up helping K get through it as she was having a really hard time with it.

I had no interest in K at all as anything other than a friend at the time even though we would hang out a lot. Well about 3 weeks into winter break and I started to crush on K bad, like really bad, even though we hardly talked over break and hadn't seen each other since the end of the semester. The crush continued to grow into the current semester and we were spending more time than ever with each other to the exclusion of hanging with "the squad" at all often times (one day we were hanging for over 12 hours straight). I eventually couldn't take it any more and said something about having confused feelings towards her and ended up being told that she was actually crushing on B for about a week before I spoke up.

We continued to hang out as friends and she ended up confessing to B about her crush on him and was turned away as he told her he wasn't interested after she had been dating his best friend T. Everything kinda continued as it had the first few weeks till about 5 weeks into the semester it was killing me and I told her that we needed some time apart so I could get my head straight and she agreed. We avoided each other for the most part for almost a month and then resumed our friendship but toned down to hanging out about three times a week.

Ever since we temporarily cut off contact though, I have been feeling almost outted by most of the squad and only have and few people who seem to want to spend time with me any more. I also found that while my crush on K has pretty much died, I still find myself longing for her attention and approval and I also find that because of that, I am treating her poorly sometimes without meaning to in what I believe is a subconscious attempt to keep from getting hurt like before. I have no clue what to do as this is driving away two of my last few friends here and causing me just as many problems as truely crushing on her did. Also, I can't just ditch my friends as that's not who I am and I can't just "get a girlfriend" as I have no interest in someone who I don't connect with on some level first. I would appreciate any advice as I feel clueless and lost.

Thanks
-tick