Complicated Situation

[Dargali]

My boyfriend used to only live five minutes from my home but now I or he has to travel for 2hours + by public transport (train then bus) if we ever want to see one another. I was the one who moved away but I really had little choice in the matter.

My mother has been in and out of relationships since I was 14 (I�m twenty now) and her most recent relationship (the one she is currently in) has been going well, so her boyfriend decided to buy a house and have us live in it (my mum, me and my two younger siblings) the only catch was that he didn�t want any animals in the new house, and he only told us this 2 weeks before we left our property. I had 6 pet rats, a dog and my sister had a hamster, 2 weeks was not enough notice to re-home any of them and anyhow I did not want to lose my animals especially my dog would I�d had since she was a puppy for 9 years. My mother was fine with getting rid of all the animals, I however was not and ending up rowing with her boyfriend. My boyfriend also had a disagreement with her boyfriend, asking �why can�t you just be nice to her?�, in which he replied �why should I?�

Moving home made no difference to my mother�s financial situation (as her boyfriend would charge her rent money in the new home); she was renting property before and claimed child benefits for me, my younger brother and sister. She had prevented me moving out before throwing a tantrum about not being able to manage if she lost my child benefits (she had told me previously that if had not received child benefits for us she would have given us up for adoption years ago), but now I had turned twenty my child benefits stopped.

I decided to leave home because I could not want live with someone who didn�t believe they should be nice to me, but also to save my animals. I had nowhere to go however, apart from to live with my father. Who was delighted to have me, as he�d tried to get me away from my mother before, he didn�t mind my animals.

The house my mother�s boyfriend brought was only a street away from where we previously rented, my father�s house was 70 + miles away.

What I left behind was my boyfriend, obviously I have to travel to see him now, and my course in college which would have started to today (foundation art & design, a pathway to university), because my mother�s boyfriend left it so late to tell me of the no animal rule I had no time to apply for another college, as they are full.

But now I have questions that keep me awake at night.

Am I ruining my education and putting strain on my relationship for the sake of a few animals?

Should I feel this angry with my mother?

Does she even miss me? Did she want me in the first place of was I there only for money?

My boyfriend is very support of my decisions and loves me no matter what; I am the one who is always stressed. He tells me that it is not necessary to have foundation to get into university, it just helps, and the worse case scenario is that I�d just take foundation next year and go to uni a year later.

As I say I�m always stressed and my head is full of fear, I fear he will not love me in a year from now, I want to run away whenever we argue, but of course I can�t � I would have to run 70 miles to get home. But whenever I am home I have this quiet mourning as I miss him so much, it�s not like I can just pop over and see him briefly anymore, everyday I�m away from him I feel more and more distressed, but also feel like I should stay away.

I love him so much, but I don�t ever think we�ll get married or have children. Even if we stayed together forever he�d never marry me, I feel ashamed of even wanting to be married.

Help my messed up mind.

[feelsoguilty]

Hi Dargali, I think going back to live with your mum is a bad move, there were other strong reasons for you to move out apart from the animals...'she had told me previously that if had not received child benefits for us she would have given us up for adoption years ago' that is an absolutely disgusting thing to say to your children, makes me feel sick to my stomach, she is obviously an awful mother, she shouldn't be in and out of relationships, she should of been focussing on her children... Ok so your 20 now but you mentioned you had two younger siblings. Fact is, single parents should't just expose their chldren to any old partner, they should wait a while and see how it goes before allowing them to meet their children. Maybe other things to consider would be moving into a flat, mabe you and your boyfriend, or a friend you;ve had for a while and can trust. Or maybe you should try and get your drivers lisence to make that journey shorter and more bearable, hope this helps, good luck x