i love her but its hard for her to love back

[ufas1987]

Ive been with this girl for 4 months now. the first 2 months we were just seeing eachother and now were dating. I really love this girl, i show her all the time. when we were still kinda seein eachother she told me not to fall in love because she was leaving to go back to the east(1000 miles away) in a couple months and she has also had a tough time with other relationships in her life before meeting me. i totally understand! Well i did it...i fell in love! this girl is perfect in every way and i dont wanna loose her. The thing is its really hard for her to show her feelings...shes told me that she has no feelings joking. well i know there is no one in the world that has no feelings! Ive told her i loved her once before and she just tells me she doesnt know if she can share the same feeling with me as i do with her and she doesnt know if she can ever say those 3 words again. Well these last 2 weeks ive spent by her side. i stayed with her every night and helped her pack her stuff. i said it was no prob but every item i packed just took another chunk outa my heart. Now shes gone...been gone for 2 days and i just cant get over the fact shes not by my side anymore. were still together(dating) but now its a long distance relationship. we both want it to work. I just get worried that its not gonna work out and im also worried she will find someone else. i know its not good to be jealous during a LDR but i just cant help it and im startin so feel like a tester boyfriend. i dont know...all i can say is since were so far apart i need a little reassurence from time to time but its hard for her to say anything. i told her i loved her again lastnight on the phone and after 2 months she still says she can share the same feelings. i told her its ok and ill hold onto those words until she feels comfortable to say them to me. but i feel like im doin something wrong cuz i show my feelings for her so much but she hardly ever does for me. i am so love sick over this its crazy...she means the world to me. I have 1 year left in the military and i told her i would move out there to be with her when its up. and she also knows i plan to visit her here in the next couple months and she says she wants me to. i dont know what to do...should i keep it cuz i love her so much or should i brake it off so it doesnt hurt any or us???

[xxazurexx]

Why are so crazy for this female, who seems not to have feelings for you? Telling someone you love them, is the easiest thing in the world and if your feelings are true....I'm sorry, I don't think hers are.

Just because you have them for her, doesn't mean they will magically emerge on her part and for you. Your feeling it, won't make her feel it.

Sounds to me, that she's keeping you on a string...just in case.

[ufas1987]

well she has no problem showing at all. for some reason she just cant say it. and thats all i have to work off of is words cuz shes gone.

[ufas1987]

well she has no problem showing at all. for some reason she just cant say it. and thats all i have to work off of is words cuz shes gone.

oh and she really just has a hard part with the"i love you too"...she tells me she misses me and that she says she cares about me.

[l337acc]

Aaaah yes, the military.. I use to be in the Marine Corps, so I can at least give you my opinion..

I'm going to have to agree with xxazurexx.

I have RARELY ever seen LDR work, ESPECIALLY in the military - my own included.

In my opinion she isn't showing you her feelings because she can't. Its superficial. She could be a military groupie. Or just leading you on. Or is a military groupie that is leading you on (90% of groupies are like that).

In any way, I would move on. I know, it sucks. But you will eventually meet someone who actually loves you as much as you love them. This girl is keeping her options open, hence the non-commital attitude, and I can guarantee that there is a line of guys following her home trying to get with her the moment she got off the plane (or car).

I wouldn't tell her that you love her anymore. Talk to her, yes. But don't share any more feelings, and start looking towards the future. You cannot violate her sovereignty, so any more effort in this area would be moot. I would remain friends, and if she comes back to you then its meant to be. But it just sounds to me like shes "keeping your d**k in a jar"

[ufas1987]

well the one thing that makes me think she actually cares is that she does have all these other guys tryin to talk to her, especially one of her best friends. well hes like in love with her too but he also has a girl friend. everytime he calls or texts her she tells me and she shows me the text and she always shows me what she replyin so i really thing she cares... its just hard for her to say i love you cuz of her past.

[l337acc]

She sounds exactly like a girlfriend/fiance that i used to have when I was in the military. If she is anything like her, then I would stay away. She makes you feel like she cares and that you can trust her, but in reality is narcissistic and is playing games with your heart/head. I would proceed with caution, just keep your options open and expect the "unexpected." Truth is stranger than fiction.

Showing you the text messages/calls is basically rubbing it in your face that she can have anyone, therefore the fact that she is with you at the moment is suppose to make you feel lucky -- thus instilling the "fear of loss" if you don't give her what she wants. And my guess is that it worked

[ufas1987]

i think it did work. im actually talkin to her rightnow....ive told her i needed reassurence about how she feels and she says to be comfortable with the relationship and that it stresses her out every time i bring it up

[xxazurexx]

Yeah it will stress her out and because she feels awkward and when put in the spotlight. It will be like the door salesman trying to convince her into buying double glazing....she will avoid him and run from it.

I've been in this situation before and a few times where I've had guy friends have feelings for me, but I didn't feel same way. I too would tell him to be quiet and because it made me feel awkward when he talked like this....I just was not feeling it for the guy, so didn't want to talk about it at all. No kidding, there is nothing worse for a woman, than some guy declaring feelings for us that we aren't feeling or we can't reciprocate. It's akin to the guy forcing himself on us and it's not attractive.

[ufas1987]

what should i do?? she still wants to talk to me. should i just let it go and roll with the relationship? sometimes i feel like im wasting our time.

[xxazurexx]

Have a straight up talk with her about it. Tell her that although you love her and everything, you feel that this is going nowhere and because your feelings are not being reciprocated/she isn't willing to reciprocate them. That if she doesn't love you, then it's time for you to let go and move on and do it.

Continuing to just roll with it, will get you nowhere....trust me on that one.

Maybe when you are gone, she will realise what she lost, but she won't know what she lost and until you are gone.