6 weeks on and so very confused

[confused79]

Hi all,

I've joined up here as I'm so confused over what's going on with my ex. As you all can appreciate it's always difficult to decide what's the best way to play things and as each break up is different, former rules often don't apply or work.

My partner of almost 3 years broke up with me around 6 weeks ago. It was fairly spontaneous and although we didn't have a 'perfect' relationship, we were pretty strong. No fights, always got on well and both wanted the same things long term. The reasons for the split aren't clear but I knew the type of person he was when we started seeing each other, so my eyes have always been wide open. I feel that pressures of life got to him and unable to distinguish the route of the problem, freaked out over small repairable issues we had and left. I recall thinking at the time just how difficult he was finding it, in fact he cried more then I did - uncontrollable.

Over the past few weeks he's been very cautious over contact. At first 'x' were removed from texts and he told a friend that he would be worried if we got back together that the same thing would happen further down the line. So he's aware that he doesn't want to 'dangle carrotts' or give me false hope.

However, in some texts he has revealed a bit too much information and often finds pointless things to make contact with me about. Usually making statements rather then questions. He got annoyed (as he normally would) when I ignored a text. He told me 2 weeks on that reality had hit and how he was in a bad place. Sadly, without a sensible network around him, he threw himself into a rebound relationship (He's never told me about this). Odd how he did that just a few days after admitting the loss he felt.

He asked me over one night but I didn't go (maybe a mistake) but when we did finally go out we had a lovely time. I then misjudged things and went back to our home where we ended up in our first proper row. This gave him something to justify his decision but soon backed down and admitted he knew this was an extreme event.

Since then we made peace and have been in regular contact (I managed 2 weeks of NC, he managed a few days at a time) When I did get back in touch he was initially angry and screamed for attention from me. He didn't get it. It's very much a case of him saying one thing but meaning another and for the first time in my life, every single person, friends, family, all say the same thing.

Over the past week he went from saying he didn't think seeing each other would be a good idea and we needed more time to move on, to arranging to see me less then 4 days later. A relative of mine fell ill and he's used this as a reason to be in daily contact. He started putting 'xx' at the end of some texts, called me by our pet name and even 'sexy'. He says he's thinking of me and when he called to arrange meeting, suggested us doing one thing that he always wanted us to do as a couple - going to the gym. That really threw me as surely that's very suggestive. A coffee is one thing but that is quite a strange suggestion.

We did have a lot of fun and were quite playful. We didn't discuss us but just general banter - very much like we normally would. He text me again last night to say he was thinking of me and again used our pet name. Something he's avoided doing for the past 5 weeks.

Knowing what he's like, I do think he regrets this but doesn't know what the hell to do about it. It feels like he's got himself in a hole, tries to get out but resorts to just sitting there.

I don't know how to go about helping him and encouraging him out. I'm not sat waiting for him and have been getting on with things. I have my head screwed on but it's annoying me. Something that's so easily solved being dragged out!

Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest and see if you guys think like everyone else, that he's battling with how he feels.

Thanks

[Gigabitch]

Breaking up means you don't call each other any more. You can't be friends with your ex. Do him a favor and tell him to leave you alone- it sounds like he can't do this for himself, but it's best for both of you.

[Tug]

It just seems like there are a ton of guys out there doing almost the same thing. I'm going through a similar situation right now. We haven't talked or hang out as much as you guys have but it's been about a month since the break up. From what I've learned so far (reading books about it and forums like this), try not to be as available to him. Tell him that you really love him but need to be able to move on in either one direction or the other. Maybe to help him get out of the hole, tell him that you are realizing how his decision to take a break was the best decision (because it helped you/him realize things about yourselves and your relationship that you wouldn't have otherwise)..like saying, now lets move on. Good luck, hope it all works out for you. Don't be too available for him either, make him value you and he might realize he could lose something good unless he makes up his mind

Yeah thats it, thats exactly what you need to do is play games. Why dont you just tell the guy how you feel? If you cant do that than tell him he made a decision and he has to be a man and live with it and move on with your life.