What are 5 things that annoy/offend/ or anger you when men look for sex?

[subtlety]

Hi, Good morning. This probably sounds like a really odd question but here goes.

I don't know how to put this in words exactly but I always feel like I can't be as overtly sexual as I want to be with the opposite sex out of fear of being judged and not really understanding why I am being judged. I think if I just asked what it is exactly that causes a person to be as the title states "annoyed/offended or angered" with a guy who wants to have sex then I would feel much more confident.

So what are your top 5 (or 4, 3, 2, or 1 ) things that bother or offend you when guys want to have sex with you?

[Tanguerra]

Is this with someone you've just met or your wife/partner? The approach would be similar but different depending on what your existing relationship was.

If it was with someone you have only recently met, you should first make sure you've built up some trust and respect between you, make sure the lady feels safe with you and has reason to believe you have her best interests at heart. After you get to know each other a bit (and I'm not in favour of hopping into bed with someone you've just met - it's seldom a good idea) then you will be able to follow the cues the lady will give you about how intimate she wants to be. She will let you know. Just follow her lead a little bit. Be bold, but not too bold. Be sensitive, but not whimpy. If she's attracted to you, she'll let you know by touching your arm, or your knee or something in conversation. If she wants to be kissed, an opportunity will usually magically present itself. Women are usually pretty good at that sort of thing (they watch chick flicks). Be nice. Be amusing. Be charming. Nature will take its course and you'll know when it's a good time to try a kiss, then maybe something a little more and see how that goes....

If it's someone you're already in a relationship with it's similar but different. If you want your partner to have sex with you be nice to her, obviously. Make her feel good. Giver her compliments or a hand with the dishes or whatever (you should do this anyway, by the way, if you want to keep on the right side of anyone you're living with). Be affectionate sometimes without wanting sex, just to be nice... Then make sure you spend time talking to her and listening to her. That's just as important as foreplay in a healthy, connected, relationship in my view. If you keep the emotional attachment strong, in short, this will support the physical one.

So, to answer your question. Things I don't like - things that would 'turn me off':

A guy who doesn't listen to what I'm saying (but keeps leering at me instead or turning the conversation to sex all the time)
A guy who is rude or aggressive (women want to feel safe with their man, not scared)
A guy who is whiny about it (guys, just be 'romantic' - watch some chick flicks and learn)
A guy who's in too much of a hurry (makes me feel like he's just 'after one thing')
Obviously personal hygiene can't be stressed too highly

[subtlety]

Is this with someone you've just met or your wife/partner? The approach would be similar but different depending on what your existing relationship was.

This would be a person who I was not in a relationship with. Either I know for a while or I just met.

If it was with someone you have only recently met, you should first make sure you've built up some trust and respect between you, make sure the lady feels safe with you and has reason to believe you have her best interests at heart.

This, is what I mean. What is "best interest at heart"? Is that a relationship? Are you saying you are offended if the interest in sex isn't for a relationship? I need that clarified. Are you saying that most women are offended there isn't a relationship? (err.. I have a way of asking questions and people think I am putting words in their mouth and I am not, I am just asking)

After you get to know each other a bit (and I'm not in favour of hopping into bed with someone you've just met - it's seldom a good idea) then you will be able to follow the cues the lady will give you about how intimate she wants to be. She will let you know.

How will she let a guy know?

Just follow her lead a little bit. Be bold, but not too bold. Be sensitive, but not whimpy. If she's attracted to you, she'll let you know by touching your arm, or your knee or something in conversation. If she wants to be kissed, an opportunity will usually magically present itself. Women are usually pretty good at that sort of thing (they watch chick flicks). Be nice. Be amusing. Be charming. Nature will take its course and you'll know when it's a good time to try a kiss, then maybe something a little more and see how that goes....

A guy who doesn't listen to what I'm saying (but keeps leering at me instead or turning the conversation to sex all the time)
A guy who is rude or aggressive (women want to feel safe with their man, not scared)
A guy who is whiny about it (guys, just be 'romantic' - watch some chick flicks and learn)
A guy who's in too much of a hurry (makes me feel like he's just 'after one thing')
Obviously personal hygiene can't be stressed too highly

Hmmm. okay. I guess these apply to ALL situations both in an out of a relationship. Honestly I didn't convey directly enought that it was about sex more than sex that was already in a relationship. I guess I was asking about what men in general do and men at younger age ranges where sex is more of an interest.

Oh, and Thank you for the response.

[MaidenMinx]

Not 100% sure what you are asking so I have a variety of answers.

Firstly, one thing that has pissed me off in the past is guys who are only friends with you while they think they have a chance. If the guy has blatantly cracked on to me and I have turned him down and that has been that , that's fine. But when a guy begins cultivating a friendship, hangs around for months being mates and then disappears when I get a bf (I lost a heap of 'friends' when I fell pregnant), that just makes me feel like I'm nothing more than a vagina (since visiting this forum I have come to slowly realise that there is also the possibility these 'friends' disappeared because they liked me too much but I'll never know)

If you are asking where the line is between being interested and being creepy is, well that differs from woman to woman. Generally saying to a gal "you have a nice rack" is going to get you slapped. Saying "That woman has a nice rack, much like yours" is going to make some girls uncomfortable, it will make other girls blush and giggle, others will simply roll their eyes.

It's a hard question to answer as well because in my above example the second comment could get any of those reactions from me depending on who says it.

[MerryH]

There are like hundreds of things a guy who wants sex could do to bother/offend me.

Why don't you clarify what you mean by "overtly sexual?" What do you think is/should be appropriate? Have any examples of things you've done to annoy women?

[bloodtippedrose]

I'm confused by the question as well. You'd have to really push it to piss someone off during sex.
Only instance I can think of is if it was anal and I was telling you stop it hurts, and you kept going! Thats a jerk move! Never happened to me before though Ooo or if someone elses name was said! That would end things immediately! OP what the hell have you been doing?

[Tanguerra]

"This, is what I mean. What is "best interest at heart"? Is that a relationship? Are you saying you are offended if the interest in sex isn't for a relationship? I need that clarified. Are you saying that most women are offended there isn't a relationship? (err.. I have a way of asking questions and people think I am putting words in their mouth and I am not, I am just asking)"

Well, again it depends. Sure there are some women out there who are just after sex, but I think on the whole, without generalising, you will find that most women are seeking to form a deeper attachment - yes that means a 'relationship'. Me personally I am not interested in someone who just wants to have sex. It's just upsetting. It's usually not a very 'fulfilling' experience to have sex with someone if there's no emotional attachment.

Women (again generalising) are on the whole 'programmed' to want to form a lasting attachment where men (generalising) don't seem to have as much of a problem with having sex just for the physical gratification. But I suggest that you will have not just better sex, but a more meaningful experience, if you are trying to form a relationship with someone. If you make the decision to only have sex with people you respect, trust and admire on a mental, emotional AND physical level your life will be enriched. Obviously it takes more than one 'date' for this to emerge. Another good reason to avoid having sex with 'strangers'.

If you are just trying to find someone who will have casual sex with you, maybe consider using the services of a professional? Alternatively I believe there are some websites specially designed for people who just want to hook up for casual sex. Many of these people are already in relationships so you may find you would be 'cheating'. Are you happy with this? Is this what you really want in your life? Obviously make sure you are using 'protection' in a situation like that (well, you should anyway of course).

"I guess I was asking about what men in general do and men at younger age ranges where sex is more of an interest".

I think you'll find that men at ANY age are still interested in sex, by the way (and women for that matter).

[tremolo]

I enjoy knowing that men find me sexy and want to sleep with me. However, I am offended when they try to sleep with me when they have no desire to be in a relationship with me.
Once I know a man is serious about me and wants to be exclusive and monogamous, he can be as overtly sexual as he wants and I will enjoy every minute of it and reciprocate in kind....

[subtlety]

Everyone is confused by my question. Sorry. I've always heard or overheard women complain about men hitting on them for sex and I don't know why and I always assumed that it meant that a guy can't hit a gal for sex because it was "inappropriate". (That is what my sister told me when she wrongly thought I was hitting on a girl at a bar for sex. And her friends seem to always complain about getting hit on for sex or they vent about guys thinking their "easy".

Okay now I just asked my friend over the phone if she was offended if a guy hits on her just for sex and she said she would be very offended. Geez so are all girls are offended by that?

[sadie_genie]

They think you are using her for just sex. It is like women who are hitting on men because she see them as ATM machines. Would you be offended if a woman does that to you?

[Tanguerra]

Yep, pretty much. There might be a small minority of women who just want sex, but I'd say that would be those who have been so messed about by men that they've given up on finding a proper, meaningful relationship so they've closed themselves off emotionally. Of course, there are probably exceptions to this rule, but they'd be pretty few and far between.

As Sadie said, would you want to be with a woman who just wanted you to buy her stuff, take her out etc?

[subtlety]

I see sex as something you do WITH somebody not TO somebody. The problem with rhetorical questions are that I might not agree with their gist even if obviously I'm not about being an ATM money machine for anybody. You miss the point of the discussion.

I think you are saying that women get upset about being easy because they think they are being used? Thats what I am asking. Why are they upset exactly, what is being implied about such a statement other than that they dont like casual sex. I think it's fair to assume that being used is wrong.

[tremolo]

Why are they upset exactly, what is being implied about such a statement other than that they dont like casual sex. I think it's fair to assume that being used is wrong.

Yes, that is why. I don't like when men proposition me for casual sex because it makes me feel like they want to use my body and don't give a rip about me as a person. It also makes me feel that they only see me as being useful for a single sex session, which I find offensive.

[subtlety]

Tremolo thank you. This is interesting. A guy can want to sleep with you and your okay with that but if he doesn't want to be in a relationship you are offended? What if it's was only a non-serious relationship?

[Tanguerra]

Subtlety, you've asked a question and you've received numerous answers, all pretty similar. Is there something you're not getting about the answers? What the heck is a 'non-serious' relationship and how does that differ from 'casual sex'?