Any hope for the future

[Down&Out]

So two months ago my GF of three years dumped me, we are both 26. I moved away for a year and the distance ended it in January. I moved back in May and after three weeks she ended it. Immediately after she went on a couple dates with different guys. She had said when she ended it that her butterflies were gone. When we were together before breaking up marriage was on the table and I was just trying to figure my own things out. We had a great relationship and she always told me I was the one and wanted to marry me. She also felt like she possibly loved me more than I loved her.

After ending it we spoke about getting back together 2 weeks after ending it. She said when on a hiking date with one guy all she could think about was us hiking with our kid. She said how could she be thinking that if she wasn't still in love with me. This prompted us to work things out. I recommended a couple restrictions (no more drinking, and counseling). She said she wanted to date and if things went well then she would take those steps. Being new to this I tried holding my ground. A couple days later after thinking it through she decided she wasn't ready to work things out for now and said we should go on dates with other people.

A week later I texted again wondering why we couldn't work things out. She said she wanted a fun boyfriend and the restrictions were too much. I suggested we meet up to talk and told her to think it over. She never made a decision. A few days later she asked how my weekend went. I didn't reply and waited a couple days. I then texted saying if were not trying to work things out then she needs to leave me alone. Received no reply.

After a week or so I texted to see how she was and she texted me while at a concert. She was very friendly and told me she was at the concert and was wondering how I was as well. Another week past and I texted seeing how things were. She was very friendly again and asking how I had been and included many smiley faces. I then waited two weeks at which point I received a late night text signalling to me she couldn't sleep (on a week night). The text said "Hey I was just thinking about you, hope your having a great summer : )" I didn't reply and after a few days told her to leave me alone.

I received no response and the next day texted asking why she had contacted me. She said she shouldn't have and appologized. I then told her if she was sincere at all in her prior text that I would be open to meeting for coffee in a couple weeks, otherwise I needed space. She then said she would call me later next week. The texting occurred last wednesday and it is now friday of the following week. The verdict is not yet in but does it sound like I'm just being lead on? What do I do? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Also I checked her facebook and her profile pic is one I took of her in front of a lake on a special trip we took together. Does this mean anything? Maybe she is still holding on? I personally struggle to look at any photos reminding me of her.

It has also been 2 months since we broke up.

[Wakeup]

does it sound like I'm just being lead on? What do I do? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

You are trying to get back with a woman who still has the same problems that caused you to break up the first time. You asked her to quit drinking and to get counceling and she refused and found your request too restricting.

Give her up and don't contact her again. She's not willing to do the work on herself which would make her a better partner for you so why would you keep trying? That's just like continuing to put money into a bad investment that thus far hasn't built you a dime towards your retirement portfolio.... In otherwords, it's just a very stupid idea.

You also asked her to leave you alone if she wasn't going to work on herself (which was a good idea IMO) so don't be bloody surprised because she's not contacting you.

This relationship was not meant to be a life long partnership. If it was, she would work on herself and would strive to be with YOU.. Not decide to date and drink and remain with her issues. Accept that and move on. The sooner you lose all contact with her, the sooner you will heal. If you have children together then keep your contact to the subject of your child(ren) and completely ignore anything about the two of you unless the opening line is "I've booked myself into alcohol abuse programme and I am in Counceling."

Good luck.

[Down&Out]

Thanks for the response. There was no alcohol abuse in the past but I was annoyed that since we broke up she started going to the bars more than I find desirable. In terms of counseling. She didn't have the best family and I could see some issues there because of it. She always said that she would like to do some counseling at some point to address any issues. When I brought it up to her I think she interpreted it as relationship counseling and she said she would go but wanted to just start dating again first. Prior to me moving back she had also expressed the need to just casually date. It had been a while since we were in contact and could be with each other. Looking back I feel like I pressured her into a serious relationship right away again instead of being patient.

[Wakeup]

She's done you a favor so quit beating yourself up over it and stop thinking you didn't handle things correctly. You did the best thing you could of done for you. She is not ready to be with you as your life partner so why continue to try and hammer a square peg into a round hole?

here is another woman out there, a better woman without alcohol issues or the need to date other men once you meet one another.

Let go and get going.