Insecurities, Jealousy & Immaturity

[kat93]

I'm an insecure and jealous girl. I'm immature and need to grow up.

To be more specific...

With my insecurity and jealousy, I am very scared of losing the man I love. I don't like him being around other girls because I fear he might leave me or cheat on me. He hasn't cheated on me and currently we're on a "break" meaning that we consider ourselves single however still act as a couple. Recently, he just got rid of this girl from him life (she was a pen pal) who was flirting with him for four months. Before I knew of her, I was slowly getting confidence and over my insecurity until I found out about this chick and knew that she was flirting with him. I didn't feel comfortable with it and told him about it. He said he's not flirting back and actually was like an ass to her. He even showed me a few of their conversations while they were chatting. Additionally, he told me we was gonna get rid of her soon but never did. A month later (which was two weeks ago) I took matters into my own hands and acted like a sinister bitch just for him to finally get rid of him telling him that if he doesn't now, he'll never hear from me again. He said I was being unfair and evil, however I did warn him things would go ugly if he didn't get rid of her. He expects me to do that again. I won't, however, when he goes out with friends, he always dances and drinks with them, especially the girls. He's a ladies' man (gentleman to girls unless they are bitches he wants nothing to do with). But, he doesn't like to dance with me cause I'm so shy. I only come out when I'm high. He's been so patient and lenient with me, but now he's at the end of his rope.

With my immaturity, I'll be straight-forward. I'm a bitch. It runs in my family (mom's side I grew up with). All of us females are psycho maniacs when we're upset and take it out on the closest person to us which who in this case for me is the man I love. I've been abused my entire life - verbally, physically, emotionally and sexually - and neglected for most of it (my mom not included...she's trying to break the cycle and doesn't abuse me). This guy was actually the first person in my life to ever show me any kind of love, compassion and trustworthiness. He was my first real friend, first real relationship, and first lover. So obviously this makes him the closest person to me. I take out my anger on him and abuse him. I sadly don't realize it until later after he forgives me. I feel so horrible and I don't blame him for wanting to take himself out. He put our relationship on break at about 2 years and told me it's time for me to grow up and experience life.

My question is: what can i do to get rid of my insecurities, jealousy, and immaturity to save "us".

Additional information.. I'll be moving out of the country soon. He's gonna move too when he can since he wants to further his education and be with me as well. But it hurts mainly him so much knowing that the time to say goodbye for now is near.

[JadeCat]

I'm an insecure and jealous girl. I'm immature and need to grow up.

To be more specific...

With my insecurity and jealousy, I am very scared of losing the man I love. I don't like him being around other girls because I fear he might leave me or cheat on me. He hasn't cheated on me and currently we're on a "break" meaning that we consider ourselves single however still act as a couple. Recently, he just got rid of this girl from him life (she was a pen pal) who was flirting with him for four months. Before I knew of her, I was slowly getting confidence and over my insecurity until I found out about this chick and knew that she was flirting with him. I didn't feel comfortable with it and told him about it. He said he's not flirting back and actually was like an ass to her. He even showed me a few of their conversations while they were chatting. Additionally, he told me we was gonna get rid of her soon but never did. A month later (which was two weeks ago) I took matters into my own hands and acted like a sinister bitch just for him to finally get rid of him telling him that if he doesn't now, he'll never hear from me again. He said I was being unfair and evil, however I did warn him things would go ugly if he didn't get rid of her. He expects me to do that again. I won't, however, when he goes out with friends, he always dances and drinks with them, especially the girls. He's a ladies' man (gentleman to girls unless they are bitches he wants nothing to do with). But, he doesn't like to dance with me cause I'm so shy. I only come out when I'm high. He's been so patient and lenient with me, but now he's at the end of his rope.

With my immaturity, I'll be straight-forward. I'm a bitch. It runs in my family (mom's side I grew up with). All of us females are psycho maniacs when we're upset and take it out on the closest person to us which who in this case for me is the man I love. I've been abused my entire life - verbally, physically, emotionally and sexually - and neglected for most of it (my mom not included...she's trying to break the cycle and doesn't abuse me). This guy was actually the first person in my life to ever show me any kind of love, compassion and trustworthiness. He was my first real friend, first real relationship, and first lover. So obviously this makes him the closest person to me. I take out my anger on him and abuse him. I sadly don't realize it until later after he forgives me. I feel so horrible and I don't blame him for wanting to take himself out. He put our relationship on break at about 2 years and told me it's time for me to grow up and experience life.

My question is: what can i do to get rid of my insecurities, jealousy, and immaturity to save "us".

Additional information.. I'll be moving out of the country soon. He's gonna move too when he can since he wants to further his education and be with me as well. But it hurts mainly him so much knowing that the time to say goodbye for now is near.

You're a so called bit*h that just found out about his pen pal of 4 months? You need to work on your insecurity/jealousy/immaturity level with him? He must have put you in that place by instilling doubt somewhere in your brain? Either by secretive actions or defensive ones?

[JadeCat]

This sounds normal, the equivalent of insecurity and immaturity in a male, would be fabricating stories to his friends about his love life to appear more manly. At least your jealousy is more honest and true.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Agree

[demonhawk3]

I'm a guy and i get jealous when other guys hug my ex.
To deal with the jealousy part you should probably trust him, trust him that he won't cheat or do anything that will hurt you.
Insecure, look at the jealousy part.
Immaturity fades away as you grow older.

[Mathias]

This thread is full of fail.

[Virag]

I've just lost a relationship over insecurity and jealousy...even if I thought I had reasons to be jealous for it was never really proved and now I regret I wasn't more relaxed and made the fuss only when I had evidence I was cheatod on.
If you love this man and you are sure he loves you too I can only suggest you to try to trust him,when you have disturbing thoughts try to preoccupy yourself with something else.Make sure you did your best in this relationship and you trusted him (I don't mean be blind,but don't think too much about stuff unless it's obvious)...so if it has to be over one day you will feel reliefed because you didn't do anything wrong.