my girlfriend of 5 years needs time

[reapish]

i'm 20 and she's 20 as well. we've been together for 5 years. she's the type of girl who never talks about how she feels and holds everything inside. i never knew what was wrong and suddenly she said she needed time alone because she doesn't know how she feels. i told her that i respect that and i'm willing to wait as long as it takes. but ever since then..its like i'm dying inside. its so hard to give her time. i know i want to i reallly do its just im suffering and i can't even focus or eat right. she told me theres no one else she's seeing and that i still have a chance with her but.. i don't know what to do or what she's thinking..is she taking this time alone to get over me? am i waiting just to be heartbroken? all these kinds of thoughts come up everyday and i can't stop thinking about it. what does she mean when she wants time alone? what does it mean for you girls when you say you want time alone?

[Kelsey777]

So you and her started dating when you were 15? That is very young. Sometimes relationships that start at that young of an age last...usually they don't. Don't get down, that might not be the case for you. Sometimes men or women who have only dated one or two people seriously in their lives, wonder if they should date more and have more new experiences. When I was 16 I dated a guy for two years and I was his first serious relationship, and I also took his virginity. He got the dreaded, "wandering cock syndrome," and left me to date other women. I don't know if she wants anyone else, but she probably wants to reflect on t he situation. She's probably asking herself, should I stay with him, or should I date more and meet a variety of people. Sometimes the thought of being with the same person all your life from 15 on can be scary, especially now t hat you are out of school and out in the real world.
I feel for you. The truth of the situation, is if you have had a good relationship for five years, she probably won't find any better. Once a person starts dating more, he or she learns what bad relationships are like, and they are awful. People are prone to believe that theres always something better out there, and after five years, I bet some passion needs to be rekindled. Give her a little more time, maybe suggest a vacation. Or a nice romantic idea to make her remember is to make a scrap book with photos of you and her, and write on the back of it every reason you love her. Hopefully she'll get those ideas out of her head and remember what a blessing it is to have a strong committed relationship without infidelity.

[Gigabitch]

I know it feels like you're dying, but you actually aren't. Most relationships end. It's okay if this one does. The likelihood of staying with the same girlfriend from fifteen until death do you part is vanishingly slim.

[eg450]

I'm sorry you are hurting. I know what it's like. I recently lost 30 pounds in about 3 months. It's hard. Know one thing--you are going to look back at this and not feel a thing. You'll have moved on hopefullly with someone who loves you deeply. I promise you this. I've lived it.

[Gigabitch]

I recently lost 30 pounds in about 3 months.

I once lost 190 pounds in one day. The day I signed my divorce papers.

[xxazurexx]

Pretty much in agreement with others.

It is rare that 'young' love stands the test of time.

She's likely feeling that she is missing out on something and she's right in thinking that, because she is.

You may find your way back together again, but more often than not young people don't.

We'd all still be with our 'first loves' otherwise.

[reapish]

thanks a lot for the input guys it really helped me out.
just an update on things right now, i texted her to see how she was but she still needs time. the way i feel now is..well it doesn't really hurt as much anymore. she does still cross my mind but i'm doing things to keep myself busy. the only thing i'm wondering now is..is she taking this time apart so i'll get over her easily? or is she really thinking about us being together again. if its the latter i sure wish she'd just tell me but im not quite sure what to do at this moment.

[Kelsey777]

How do you feel reapish. Do you still want to be with her f or sure? Or do you want to date other people?

[Mr Thinkalot]

hey reapish, we're in the same boat.. have been together with my ex for 5yrs plus and just went our own ways a few days ago.. and for the same reason,she needs a breather,know more friends and that being in a relationship is tying her down..that there is no more spark in the relationship,no chemistry..but she said she still love me..right? anw im just a few years older than you.
so i know how u feel..its really killing you..at times its beyond sadness,it unbelievable..and when u manage to talk to someone or even yourself,u feel a little better..that she really need the space and hopefully she'll realise that u are the 1..and the next few hours,for all u know,u are back being very sad and depress..

i've talk to many people and most if not all will say give her the space..if its meant to be,its meant to be..but its easier said than done..i know..but there are some truth in that but what i realised is that its not 100% complete..what everyone has told u ,u've heard.

so this is what im actually planing to do..but let me tell u what ive done for the past few days. ive been trying my utmost best to limit contact..but unfortunately ive not erase all forms..what i mean by this is that i've not called or texted her..the only way we 'contacted' is via Facebook(FB) or msn..and i did not start the conversation..she did but the conversation is basically on whether she owes me anything and just some comments on fb wall..

so my suggestion is yes give her that space but also let her know that the line of conversation is open for her.so maybe u want to tell her that and stop direct contacts with her.However show your presence by updating your fb etc.but not regarding the break up or that u are v v v sad..try to appear strong,even though we know we are in deep pain.

In a nutshell, having no contact with your ex has its value if done right.But at some point you will need to contact your ex as part of the process of getting back together. You must decide when this point is and until then, keep your distance.
However, between having no contact and making contact, it is essential that your ex knows two things:
1. Your lack of contact does not mean lack of interest in your ex
2. That they are welcome to contact you at any time.

from my view,no contact for a limited time is good, no contact for too long is bad.
In all cases, you should allow at least two (ideally three) weeks to pass before having direct contact with your ex.and im doing just that..its v v v painful for me but i have to..im planning ahead for the future,for the next level and i do not want this to happen again if we patched up..so i will probably only text her for a meet up in about 2 to 3 weeks time..

if anyone have any other inputs,please do help both of us..

[xxazurexx]

Sometimes and when we meet someone, the timing can be all wrong. In your case, you met this girl and when you were both very young. I'd say that 98% of the time, all young love is destined to fail.

From thereon and what usually happens, is we go forward, move on in on life, meet new people, form new relationships and the majority of us go on to marry and have children.

Had you met the first love when you were say 27, it's something that would have stood more chance of surviving and because you would be both older and would have experienced some of what life has to offer.

I tend to think this way in regard to my first love who I met at 17 and so was he. We were just both way too young back then for it to have ever lasted and because neither of us had experienced anything of the world. However I feel sure that if we'd met now and at this point in time, we'd have been married, because we were so right for each other - we were just both far too young when we met.

But if you are meant to be, you will find your back together again, whether it be a month from now, six month from now or six years from now.

[Mr Thinkalot]

i was 18 and she was 17..yes the issue revolves ard wanting something new,different..and u're right if only we'd met today instead..
and thats what im trying to achieve..meet me now,the same old brand new me..and hopefully the flame will be reignited..but this time round we're more mature..

[Mr Thinkalot]

btw is it so important for women to know alot of guys before commiting..even when u know that the guy u r with nw makes a gd soul mate,some1 u deeply love etc..r gals so in need of that flirting feeling..?

[Kelsey777]

btw is it so important for women to know alot of guys before commiting..even when u know that the guy u r with nw makes a gd soul mate,some1 u deeply love etc..r gals so in need of that flirting feeling..?

Not for me. I was broken hearted when my ex wanted to see other people. I was his first love, and he wanted to have more experiences. What could you do, really? I thought the world was gonna end, but a couple years after that I met someone even better, whom I with now. :-)

[reapish]

i feel like i wanna be with her because i love her but..today i was talking to a girl from work and she told me that when girls usually say they need time its either seeing someone else or breaking up and..i don't know. im trying to get over her everyday and sometimes its working but other days it just goes back and i still feel hurt..its been a week now and im not sure if i should text her or see whats happening because..how long is she going to make me wait and..if its just gonna break my heart then why is she stalling? i love her very much but..it looks like im the only one fighting for this right now..and the girl said to me..if shes not doing anything or fighting back..why would you wanna be with a person like that? im getting all these mixed emotions its driving me nuts..

[Mr Thinkalot]

i know reapish,i know..5 years is not a short period of time..We have bonded,we have shared endless of experiences and feelings and have seen each other grow up..its is just so hard isnt it.. at one end u love her to death,the other u're just thinking about all different sorts of Qns..if she runs back to me,then what?am i just a spare tire?am i being treated like a dvd player where she can just pause,watch another show and play back later?what if she really has come back to her senses and is ready now?what if this happens again? and so on....

for me im giving myself a short term goal or something to look forward to in the near future..ie.im gonna give her time,2 weeks before asking her out just to chat..like i said at some point of time you will need to contact ur ex if u want to be with her..for all u know she's waiting for that call..no contact for a limited time is good, no contact for too long is bad.

Bro PM me if u wanna chat in more depth ..we can share all the advises we were given and maybe,together we can figure out something..i'll be sending u a PM soon..take care..