One Confused Girl...

[rach1216]

So I've never really posted my love issues on the internet.. but recently my problems in love have been a bit too much to handle. Nobody understands the situation besides the man involved. So i figured why not write it out. Im 20 years old and attending college about an hour away from home. I go home every month to work at my work at home for the weekend. I've been working there for over a year. Every since I started working over a year ago, I developed a crush on a worker. He is 27 years old with a girlfriend of 7 years. It was a very innocent crush for a while, until he asked for my number. We hung out a few times, once at his apartment, took me to a movie (paid for me), and few other times we hung out. Last year around this time, his girlfriend and him must have hit a rough patch, because he started confiding in me, telling me he likes me, asking what I thought about dating him. Of course this was all over the phone. So I told him that I would come home that weekend last november and we could talk about it in person. He wanted to explain everything to me. So I drove home to go see him and talk... but his girlfriend and him had gotten into a huge fight that night. By the time he could talk it was too late and I was already in bed.

After that incident, I was obviously frusterated with him because I came home from school for nothing... so I ignored him for a few months. During winter break I was home for a good month. During this time we spent some time together and just hung out. I still wasn't quite sure how he felt about me.. after all one of the lasts things he said to me was how i would feel if we were together. After winter break I went back to school and moved on from him. I dated other guys and did my own thing, I usually didn't even think about him. Until I would go home to work and it was just the same thing every time.

This past summer is when things started changing with us, and got a bit more serious. Now I haven't mentioned his girlfriend of 7 years also works at our work. So for over a year I kept me and him hanging out/being more than friends a secret from everyone at work, and so has he. When it was just me and him at work he gave me all the attention in the world. He would flirt with me, tell me how beautiful I am, ask to hang out soon, and just talk to me all the time. When it was me, him, and his girlfriend he didn't give me the time of day... I'm going to try not to be cheesy, although he wouldn't talk to me with his girlfriend there, he would give me this look. I'm sure some of you have experienced it. He looked at me with eyes that were trying to tell me how sorry he is for everything, and how much he cares about me, and how sorry he is for putting me through this.

Anyways, those days at work with the both of them hurt me. Over half the summer I tried so hard just to STOP everything. Stop talking to him, stop looking at him, stop trying with him. And it worked for a long time. I ignored him and he understood.. until one day he came up to me and apologized. No explanation he just said how sorry he was. No explanation was needed we both knew what was going on and that one apology was all i really wanted to hear from him. For the last half of summer, he started telling me how attracted he was to me and he would say things like "i don't why you... i don't why i like you this much. i can't help myself around you, youre so perfect" The last night of summer before i headed back to school... i told him we needed to talk in person. he said ok.. but then added "it wouldn't be just us hanging out as friends for me, i can't be just friends with you" i knew what was going to happen, nothing. He always chickens out when i tell him we need to talk in person.

So I hadn't seen him for over a month after our last conversation in the summer. Until this past weekend when i went home to work. I saw him for the first time, and (once again not trying to be cheesy) he had this huge smile on his face and we didn't say anything to eachother just smiled and looked at eachother. The following day at work I found out that his girlfriend is not to big on me and really does not like me. Now i know from the girlfriends perspective this situation sucks. Her and him are fighting a lot and he is into another girl, and ontop of all of this... they bought a house together in the summer.

anyways, this weekend he put a lot onto the table. He told me that "he is crazy about me, and he just can't help it" he also said "i am a very confused person, and i shouldn't get caught up in his problems" he kept saying "i can't help myself around you, you make me so happy, i can't stop smiling around you" etc... you get the picture. I told him. that this has been going on for over a year now and he has YET to have a conversation with me outside of work. This isn't fair to me or his girlfriend. im not asking to make this conversation be a big deal, but i need to know whats going on in your head. Your 27 years old and im 20 you live in a house with your girlfriend, yet you're having these feelings for me. I need to know whats going on, and you need to be an adult and talk to me. anyways im sure you can all guess that conversation didn't happen this weekend because he once again chickened out on me.

This weeekend he told me how bad he wants to hold me and kiss me and how crazy he is about me... Im trying to hold back my feelings for him.. but i can't anymore.. i think im in love with him and sometimes just by the way he looks at me i can tell he loves me back.

this guy is not a jackass...people tell me hes some confused loser. Although that may be true, he is a good guy. What he is doing to me and his girlfriend is not fair and he needs to figure things out. but i just don't know what to do anymore.. i want to be mad at him and forget about him but i can't do that. Im hurt. Im sure his girlfriend is hurt. and i know that he is hurt. I can't quit my job yet i need this money. If i could quit to get away from this i would. I don't want people to not like me at work because of this, it is not my fault. people cannot help who they fall in love with. I just can't get him out of my mind. I've tried moving on multiple times.. but everytime i see him, my feelings come rushing back... I will be seeing him next sunday at work and i want to ignore him, because we were supposed to talk last night but that didn't happen again. Im so mad, i hate this situation being a huge question mark. This is an adult situation. He is 27 and the girlfriend is 27... im 20... i shouldn't be in this situation.
but you can't help who you fall in love with.

[oldskool83]

Unless he wants to dump his gf neither one of you should be doing anything together. i think you need to remove yourself from the situation. im not saying your helping promote the situation here but some red flags are hes connected directly with his gf and kid. 2nd hes showing massive sign of cheating material which is not good for neithers ones part. and the 3rd flag i see if you should be telling him to focus on his g/f regardless if you were interested or not. theres a home a mom a dad and a kid there...

[smackie9]

This might be an adult situation but all of you are acting like a bunch of silly teenagers. Yes he is a confused loser, and he is very immature because he is most certainly not handling himself like an adult with this at all. You are an impressionable 20 year old, still lost in the world of fair tail love and not experienced enough for the big leagues. His GF is an idiot for putting up with his crap....what was she thinking getting a house together? Like that's gonna improve their relationship.

First off this guy isn't in love with you, he is in lust. He isn't thinking romance when he is around you, he is thinking of what it would be like to f uck you, that is what makes him smile....the though of it excites him like being addicted to a drug. He keeps trying to quit it, but he wants it bad and keeps coming back. His GF doesn't give him that sexual thrill so he seeks it out with you, and if it wasn't you, it sure a s hit would have been someone else, so don't think that you are that special to him, reality check: you are not, all you are is an escape from his crappy relationship with his GF. He obviously can't handle the responsibilities of being a man.

Oldskool83 is right, best to remove yourself from this situation before it becomes an even bigger mess.