New Philosophy

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I just wanted to post the transition I've made lately so I could get some feedback and debate about what's good and what's bad (in your opinion) on my new lifestyle. For about 6.5 years I did nothing but search and yearn for love. All I wanted was a girl and anything else was nothing to me. Well my latest breakup was my third great heartbreak of my life and the end of my second time being in love. It was far too rough on me and took a permanent toll as I've noticed. I mourned for a while but then when I finally got over it I, of course, felt as though I wouldn't want to jump into another relationship anytime soon. In the meantime I've been growing increasingly interested in some of the teachings of people like Sun Tze, Miyamoto Musashi, and Zhuge Liang and it's really motivated me. I've found that I really would like to forget about finding anyone for the rest of my life and in essence do all I can to avoid relationships and become completely celibant and instead focus on gaining and sharing, not knowledge, but wisdom. I want to focus on the power of my mind and cultivating the knowledge I acquire into true wisdom. Does this seem like a good goal to strive for? Do you think I'll truly be able to eliminate love from my life as I'd like to? I'm just looking for a good discussion or debate on what you all think. Thanks to anyone who read through all of this.

[Killerbabe]

It's good that you're searching for new ways to improve your life and help yourself overcome emotional rollercoasters. For now. All you need is time.

When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last year I thought I had to do something about myself too. I thought I had to protect myself from love, that cruel unfair feeling I seem to have for the wrong ones. It's quite natural that you're going into denial.

Denial. You refuse to realise that some people find love and maybe one day you will to. Everything inside you stirs up and you want to surround yourself by a ten-feet stone wall, leaving no room for feelings. It's an emotional protest.

"If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down." (R&J, Shakespeare)

But that'll pass.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I don't know if I want it to pass. I feel ok being cold and saying no to those who are interested in me. I don't wanna be vulnerable again.

[peshkunta]

Zekk,

You are too young for this, man. Celibate? Are you kidding me!!!
That's the pain in you talking. Your heart has been shattered into pieces and instead of putting it back together, you leave them lying there. You don't seem to wanna heal. You remember the saying; I think it goes: "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all!"

No matter what you say, do, and read now, you are obviously a "lover" and you'll end up loving again, I promise you that. Love is far to strong to resist it for long.

Just face it and say, "Bring it on!"

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I know I'm inevitable going to love again, and it makes me so mad. It's like I'm totally constrained by my heart and I so desperately want to kill it. I don't believe in that saying at all. It's just something you say to people who can't find someone. I've loved twice and been destroyed both times. I think celibacy would be far less painful that going through any of that again.

[Killerbabe]

Zekk, you wouldn't believe how much pain I've had before. I too, wanted to murder my heart, rip it out of my ribcage, stomp it to the ground...and never feel a thing again. I've been so depressed I swore I'd never let anyone else break my heart again. I was miserable and no matter how much I tried this heart of mine didn't seem to heal. It was just contantly driving me crazy. I was so depressed I felt like crying every five minutes (literally), I couldn't eat...I couldn't even force myself to; couple times I almost fainted. I thought I'd die if a miracle doesn't happen in a few months.

Maybe this will describe how I felt back then (excerpts from my letter)
"There's this huge scar you carved right into my heart...and if bleeding would help I would've stabbed myself... And now I feel collapsed. I feel rejected. I have this huge lump in my throat and an empty hallow in my breast which aches each time I breathe..."

But I got over it. (Thank God) Guess why?.. I fell in love again!

I know you'll get over it, as for now, go ahead and tell us that you'll never fall in love again...if it makes you feel better.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Saying it means nothing to me, believing that I'll never open myself up to anyone else ever again, thats what makes me feel better. But I could relate to your words, thank you for being so supportive of this strange time I'm having.

[shafkore]

Zekk, you know what ? You can say whatever you want to yourself to help ease the pain. However, in the end, love triumphs. You know why ? Because love is stronger then celibacy -- then being alone. People have tumbled worlds for love. They've killed for love. So don't tell me that just because you have been hurt, that you don't want to fall in love again.

ONCE the RIGHT girl falls into your lap, your heart will do the decision making. Don't tell your heart how to feel. Right now you are hurt and unsure of yourself.

There is more to life then love, however, love is a large part of life. You can't just say 'no' to it, or decide you don't want anything to do with that 'part' of life. It's a PACKAGE DEAL. Sorry bub. So, learn to live with it. Learn it's goods and its bads. That's all YOU can DO. It's all we ALL can DO.

I think you have to actually SEE that there are other aspects to life then just love. Go play some sports, hang out with your buddies, go watch a movie. Something.... anything. Get your mind off the ladies for a while. If you are already doing these kinds of things, then take a VACATION from your life style. (I don't necassarily mean, go somewhere's).

Before you know it, you are gonna be in love again. It's GUARANTEED my brother.

Regarding the 'search for wisdom' thingy. I say, if it was your natural path to do so, you would have already been heading that way. To steer yourself in a completely different direction from what you are now, seems absurd (in my opinion of course). Follow your natural path.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I'm not changing my lifestyle, I just think it's never a bad idea to take time to expand your wisdom. Plus these kinds of authors and cultures have always interested me and I've always wanted to take the time to read up on them. As far as going out and doing something to forget about love, I really can't. I work 7 days a week now and it's the early shift so when I'm not working I'm asleep. Pretty much killed whatever circle of friends I had. Looking at only one or two right now. That doesn't bother me, I don't feel heartbroken anymore. It's no longer a pain I don't wish to feel, it's more like the more I think about being close to someone again the more uncomfortable I get. ESPECIALLY being physically close, I don't think that's something I like. I'm attracted to girls, just not the thought of being intimate with anyone.