The Doctor is Confused... [long post]

[sexmaster]

This same message appears at the "Love Advice" forum. I posted this here to get a female's point of view on this problem. I hope you don't get bored reading this long post... Here goes:

Here is the problem: The problem started last April, 2007. A friend of mine introduced me to a 20-year old, very beautiful, and friendly girl. At that instant, she captivated my heart. After that meeting, I realized that we shared the same laboratory class and that was the beginning of our friendship. Everyday, we would meet and we would greet each other casually until we finally became friends; not the casual type anymore. The development of our relationship is staggering! From the day we were introduced, I was informed that she has a boyfriend of 3 years. I didn't mind it at the time - I was more interested with school.

For this school year, she is finally my classmate in ALL subjects. On that 1st day (of this school year), we went out and had dinner, strolled, and just enjoyed each others' company. I feel so comfortable with her as she is with me. The more time we spent together, the deeper we got to know each other, and the more I knew about her and her life story. Apparently, she and her boyfriend never get along but to be together for 3 years without getting along is next to impossible; there must be something she's not telling me - but she did assure me that she's still a virgin! Imagine that! Either the guy is a complete idiot or she's lying - but that doesn't really matter.

She nor I ever noticed it until everyone (including her boyfriend) started asking questions and rumors spread quickly around the campus (because both she and I are famous in school) - everyone thought we had a relationship. To both of us, we just like to be in each others' company but we never got to the point of talking about love or a commitment. We needed to answer the public so we told everyone that we were just friends but for some reason, no one seemed to believe us. I started observing her and myself and noticed that we do treat each other differently than the way we treat other people; there was something extra, something more than the ordinary. Like every objective person would do, I confronted her with it - this is where the problem started.

She told me that no one in her entire life ever treated her like the way I do, not even her own boyfriend. I guess it's because I have a way with people; I look past their physical appearance and see them as they are. This girl doesn't just have a beautiful face, she is also beautiful within; she has a very kind heart and a very gentle disposition. Her smile can melt any guy looking at her. As I have observed about how other guys treat her, it's like all they want is to get in her pants... but I don't blame them; most guys are like that.

Anyway, we had a very long afternoon chat. She wept and told me all the sad things that happened to her in the past; how she was treated by her family and all that - she needed someone (in the person of "myself") who she could confide in and talk to; someone who would just be there to listen to her. That message was more than clear to me - all she needed was a friend. I told her about my feelings for her and she told me that she already knew since summer. She claims that she could read my eyes; the way I look at her; the way I hold her; the way I treat her. I told her I treat all my friends in the same way, well, maybe except the "look" part. I really believe your eyes never lie...

That would have been the end of it; my heart was crushed - but I didn't tell her that. I continued to be her friend and treated her exactly the same way I always have. She continued to treat me in the same way. But I told her that I was going to put a small gap from now on and explained to her that the closer I get to her, the more difficult it will be for me to leave her when the time comes. I even taught her how to deal with her boyfriend whenever they fought and how to make amends and keep the relationship burning or to intensify it if it isn't burning anymore - but she always dismisses it. This is where the confusion comes from.

Lately, she'd call me late at night for no reason at all. She'd just call and talk nonsense and go to bed. The next day, we'd meet in school or at the hospital where we are assigned (we are also duty-mates, not just classmates), we'd talk about school stuff, she'd smile at me for no reason, but we don't stay in one place together for long to avoid unnecessary rumors (which I really don't care about). I'd stay away from her when we are physically present and she doesn't seem to like that. She'd continue to call me every night asking me if I was okay. A lot of my friends believe that she's in love with me but is confused because she has a boyfriend who has never wronged her in any way - no reason to dump the guy.

I believe that she's just concerned about my feelings; I think she knows that I feel bad about having nothing to look forward to after her little speech and she's just trying to "alleviate" my suffering in the most subtle way. My friends say otherwise. I don't know which is which. At this point, I am simply trying to stay at a certain distance from her that she always manages to destroy; she always finds a reason to break that gap and be right beside me.

The doctor is confused and doesn't know what to do next. My options are simple but not simple to do: just let go and see where it goes OR actively stay away from her. Any other option you'd like to suggest, please do so. Both options I have written have risks though: If I let go and see where it goes, there is a very big chance that she had always been honest with me and I will just crash and burn and flunk out of school as a side-effect (not a very good thing 'coz that'd be a perfect way to lose my scholarship) OR if I actively stay away from her, I will hurt her and knowing her past and her background, she doesn't have any other friend who she trusts her secrets with and she'll be crushed and she'll flunk out of school.

What do you think, girls?

[anachronistic]

Sorry dude, that is too much to read this late into the day. The top part that I skimmed through seemed like you were only bragging about your knowledge. Please shorten your post up.

[sexmaster]

I'm sorry if you think I am bragging; it was intended to prepare the reader for a background on me before you get to the problem. I will edit the post and remove the "background" but I'm sure it'll still be a long post - about 80% of the post is the problem itself.

This same post can be found at the "Love Advice" forum anyway so I guess anyone reading can go read the "background" part from there...

Sorry for the long post...

[anachronistic]

thanks comrad.

first of all, i'm not a girl, if you haven't already noticed.

second of all, yea, i think she has some pretty strong feelings for you, might be love, might not be. the virgin thing, yea that's a little weird to be telling a friend that.

third of all, yea she might eventually break up him and get with you if her feelings become strong enough. but it's not your job to try and break it off unless he does something to her. it's kind of wrong for her to be doing all this behind her boyfriend's back.... do you feel that guilt?

[sexmaster]

No, I don't feel any guilt 'coz I am not trying to steal her or anything. I just like her but I never said I wanted her to be my girl. The thing is, everytime I try and teach her something to "fix" things with her boyfriend, she doesn't want to hear it... it's crazy, don't you think?

Thanks for the reply man...

[anachronistic]

that IS crazy. another thing, i think she probably would have dumped her boyfriend by now...

[IndiReloaded]

Yawn. That was actually a quick read b/c all you've done is describe a set of possibilities, Doc (lol!). Despite all your verbiage, you never actually said what you *want*. Just figure that out & then you'll know what to do. Stop waiting for her to do something & take your own action.