Marriage for Visa - Clarity Around Love

[ginsu_98]

Hi: I have a dilemma and need some advice. I met my girlfriend in June 2007 when we both lived in Singapore. She was my dog walker, house cleaner. We started a very casual relationship then though I did meet her family in the Philippines and we went on vacation together. I had to move to the USA in Feb 2008 and between that time and July 2009 we had a long distance relationship with me visiting her 4x during that 1.5 years. She is now here living with me on a 3 month fiance visa but have to get married by Oct 10th or she goes back. I feeling that I need to back out, that it is too rushed, and she is after all not the right one for me. The biggest concerns are financial and social acceptance. I have 3 kids from my first marriage all under the age of 12 and truth is that this woman while wonderfully accepting of my kids (helps with them a lot), caring affectionate and a wonderful sexual partner, she is entirely dependent on me, has only a simple high school education and likely will never earn more than minimum wage. She also wants kids some day but is practical about waiting. I am scared, nervous and not ready to commit in such a short period of time but also so worried about sending her back to Asia after all she has given up. The reality is that we dont have all that much in common. We have fun and all conversations are very light. I am not sure this is enough for the long run. I am no genius but I think I need someone who can challenge me a little bit. She is Catholic, I am Jewish, she doesnt like to exercise while I do, etc. etc. The thing I love about her is the compassion, the sex, the affection, the trust, the consistency and the support she gives to me and the kids. I am pressured and stressed but cannot find clear direction. What advice do you have for me?

[ginsu_98]

yes in fact I have spoken to her even before she moved here from Singapore, she has only been here 1 month now. I told her that I had doubts asked her if she still wanted to "give it a go" and try and she said yes. I told her I am nervous and not sure and rushed. I even spoke to a life coach who spoke to her and said "for Craig to commit to you, you need to show him through enrolling in school or advancement towards getting a job, making that effort else he will not marry you" this is true though I havent been able to say it so bluntly. This came from the life coach. Of course she is upset but she doesnt bring up the subject really and Ithink is in denial or blind optimism. She is great but I think she believes that sex and affection is enough. Well its great and hard to say good bye to but I need to think of the big picture here right? Am I being foolish and too practical? I have 3 kids already, I cannot afford to raise another (this woman is 29 years old but really a bit childish not being independent and all, very dependent asian girl)

[Sonrisa]

"the compassion, the sex, the affection, the trust, the consistency and the support she gives to me and the kids" - more than likely you won't be able to find anyone else who'd sport the same qualities. you'll have to decide if you'd rather have someone who's financially secure, more intelligent / educated over a those qualities. if you financial situation is in good standing and you can support her, then you'll need to accept her the way she is.

example, we have a doctor (Jewish as well) in our office who married a girl from Thailand, they have twins now and even though she has no education, she does help him a lot running the business.