Great first date, she said she wanted a 2nd. Msg'd and called, zero response. Help!

[robFord]

Backstory:

- Boy frequents local bar near his office and becomes a regular and gets to know all the wait staff
- Boy and bartender have great chemistry and flirt whenever they see each other. She's 24, I'm 27.
- Boy finds out she's engaged and leaves it at that


Fast forward a year:

- I've changed offices and rarely go back to the that bar.. say once every 3-4 months and when I do, I get a warm reception from everyone
- I found out from another bartender that she broke off her engagement and decide to make a move
- I ask her out and she enthusiastically gave me her number

Anyways. A couple days later on a Wednesday night, I take her out to resto-bar type thing and next 4 hours proceeded better than I could have imagined. We hit it off right away, not missing a beat. We ended up on the same side of the booth, with her leaning up on me and us just swapping stories and getting to know each other with so little effort that I thought I was dreaming. She mentioned a few times how she was having a fantastic time, and reading her body language and everything, it felt like she was really into me (and surprised herself by how much fun she was having). Anyways she had a birthday party she had to make an appearance at after our date and asked if I wanted to join, and I declined saying I had some work to do thinking it was better to cut the evening short and leave her wanting a bit more. Also I didn't want to tag along to her friend's thing on a first date. So we call it and although I didn't kiss her (she was sick and I wanted to take it slow) I said I'd call to set up our second date and she again enthusiastically agreed.

Now perhaps I screwed this next part up, but 1. I'm not a super experienced dater so I don't know all the rules, and 2. my last relationship was a 4 year marathon that ended in heartbreak so my confidence is a little shaken

But whatever the reason, I wait until Friday to msg her. It was just a stupid a picture of meme that we both liked and I changed the wording so it was about me asking her out for the second date. I thought at worst it was nerdy as hell but still thoughtful enough to elicit a response, especially since we had such a great time.

Nope. No luck, no response.

So I wait.. thinking she's playing some game or maybe she's genuinely busy or whatever.

Saturday was St Patty's day and I say **** it, I'm going to have fun today and not think about her and hope this is just a misunderstanding.

Nada.

I call yesterday and get her voicemail.. leaving a short message like "Hey, it's (me) and I was wondering when you're free this week, I'd like to take you out for dinner. Call me".

Again nothing.

Now I'm annoyed because I know she's used her phone, we follow each other on twitter and she's been using it so I know she's at least seen my missed call. So simplest reasoning: she's ignoring me and blowing me off. This hurts because I feel like I deserve a little more than nothing as we're not complete strangers and she's definitely going to see me again when I go back to the bar.

I figure she's either met someone else in the last few days that is more exciting than me, she's a terrific actress and had me completely fooled into thinking she liked me or she's taking her time and playing childish games.

Girls: did I wait too long to contact her? Did I not show enough interest? Should I have followed up the next day? Is it possible that something so petty as when a guy re-contacts you after the first date can totally turn you off?

TLDR; boy takes girl out, they have an amazing time where girl is flirtatious and agrees to go out again. boy msgs girl, then calls girl and gets zero response. what am I suppose to do now?

[smackie9]

Forget about her.

There is no actual "rules" to dating because everyone has a different personality, and values. You have to kick a lot of tires to find the right one.....obviously this wasn't it.

I suspect she hooked up with her ex again which is very typical of dating someone fresh out of a serious relationship, especially one that was engaged to be married.

[robFord]

Okay I get it. I'm a realist and I get that if a girl is into someone, she's going to find reasons to talk to him.. which is completely fine.

What I don't get is what I'm supposed to do about it. As stated, she works at a bar that I frequent.. and I'm going to be going there later this week and I know she'll be working.

How am I supposed to act? Do I confront her? Sure I'm hurt that she's rejected me, but I'm more upset with the total lack of respect she's shown me, especially since I thought we were at least friends. I deserved an answer, not to be completely ignored. It just doesn't fit her personality to be so rude.

So do I pretend like I don't care? Or do I call her out on it. Not in a complaining tone, but more like "what you did was incredibly rude, I don't appreciate it. nice knowing you"... or is that impossible to pull off without sounding needy?

[VincenzoG91]

Even if you live in a small town, I bet there is at least one another bar in your area. Go there instead for now, until you get over this. How are you supposed to act? Act like you don't care, because that is the only reasonable response to her behavior. In the future, try not to get too emotionally involved so quickly. I've done the same in the past, and it tends to lead to pain. The whole point of dating is to get to discover if there is enough chemistry and stuff in common to form the basis for a more serious relationship. Caring too quickly is getting things backwards, and getting hurt without reason.

[robFord]

I live in a pretty big city, yes there are lots of bars around.. but like I said before, this place was my spot. I'm not going to run and hide from this girl just because she doesn't want to date me. I'm not that kind've person. I will embrace the awkwardess head-on. I just wasn't sure what kind've attitude I should have towards her.

[dj454]

I feel your pain. I met a girl after a divorce. We hit it off and the first date went almost too far. We just had that instant connection. Next day she won't text won't answer her phone. When she finally did I asked for an explanation. Her explanation was she was too comfortable with me and it scared her. She said we clicked like her and her ex had. Long story short we parted as friends for awhile then she shows back up when I got serious with someone else. Now we don't talk. Some people are just broken from their past. Just move on.

[robFord]

But at least you got an answer and weren't left wondering. You're all probably shaking your heads thinking I just need to suck it up and move on, which I will be doing.. but not without a fight! I need to know or it'll drive me nuts!

[smackie9]

Wow really? you only went out on one date.....I say just let it go before you make yourself look like a fool. Even if you confront her she will give you some lame ass excuse anyways....it is really worth it?

[smackie9]

PS have the waitress serve you.

[robFord]

Okay. I get it. I'll leave her be. This was the first date I've been on where I was actually into the girl since my last relationship (which ended in disaster).. and it's hard not to get caught up in it and carried away since I felt like we had a genuine connection. And she seemed excited about the idea of seeing me again, even agreeing to a second date right before we ended the night.

Felt like I was finally turning the corner.

Much appreciated.

[smackie9]

What you felt may have not been a mutual feeling with her. It's quite possible she knew you were more serious than what she was looking for, especially her just out of an engagement. Next time, just relax and go with the flow. Don't looks so hard, love will find you when you least expect it.