This guy is trying to make me think that I'M the crazy one...AM I?????

**elleda** · 24-05-11, 08:11 PM

Am I unreasonable/ irrationally jealous/ controlling for not wanting my boyfriend to have a weekly platonic dinner date with his ex (also his "best friend") as well as other days spent walking and drinking tea or eating her cooking at her apartment??

points to consider:

last night we broke up when i told him i wasn't okay with my boyfriend needing a weekly dinner date and another evening of drinking tea/going for a walk/ going over to her house and eating his exe's cooking in order to function in life. i asked if he would be able to keep her in his life, but not on on such a frequent, involved basis (ie: not going on dates with other girls when he could be spending his time and money on dates with me, platonic or not!). he said, maybe but not anytime soon...lol

she is single. neither of them has been able to sustain a relationship with someone else since they "broke up". they DO NOT have kids together.

he and i have been dating for 5 months. they "broke up" for 2 weeks a year and a half ago before resuming their best friend relationship that occurred after living together in a sexless relationship for 2 whole years...!

she has made ZERO effort to get to know anything about me, including times when we have all hung out together. she wasn't rude....by shy and uninterested when my guy would try to engage her in any conversation about good things about me. also has not invited me to their get togethers, or reached out to me even when my guy was devastated that we had broken up over this issue. apparently though, she did say, "aww...that's sad you guys broke up i've never seen you smile like that with anyone"..................followed up by more inaction.

thanks in advance, lovers

**elleda** · 25-05-11, 06:42 AM

seriously, only 2 other people answered my poll??? maybe i need to break up with YOU GUYS too!!!!!! lol

**Rabbitt** · 25-05-11, 06:52 AM

I think you're boyfriend lacks common sense and you should leave him behind.
Tbh, I think this is disrespectful to you, I mean I wouldn't go see my ex all the time while I have a girlfriend , it doesn't make any sense.

You need to step up for yourself because this is unacceptable.
They are exes , and they spend time with eachother? on a weekly basis? It didn't even cross your mind they could be hooking up frequently?

**HeartIsAching** · 25-05-11, 07:07 AM

No, you're not irrational. That would bug the hell out of me. I'm actually really good friends with my 2nd Ex., but if I were going to do something with her (which we used to do when we lived close to one another) I'd invite my wife to go with us.

**toshiba** · 25-05-11, 07:51 AM

I completely understand why you don't like this situation, I wouldn't either. In my opinion there are likely some feelings somewhere (felt by him, her, or both people), that they can't simply erase (making it a little iffy to be in so much contact alone, it's a stimuli).

"Maybe but not anytime soon"? That does not sound very cooperative, he should be more sensitive towards this, especially since she is his EX. My girl even clarifies when she is going somewhere with a guy friend that he is just a guy friend, never dated, and still gives the extra explanation to make me feel comfortable.

You are NOT crazy.

**elleda** · 25-05-11, 09:27 AM

the reason why they broke up is they had zero physical attraction to each other. i have spent time with them and observed them together- there's nothing there sexually, but he lights up when he talks about her. i think he still has a thing for her. i'm realizing that he lacks social decency and common sense. not a good combo!!

**VincenzoG91** · 25-05-11, 09:41 AM

You will be the crazy one if you continue to tolerate this. Set some boundaries here and enforce them. If he can't behave like a reasonable and normal person, let him go.

**alison123** · 25-05-11, 10:44 AM

No you're not crazy at all - this guy sounds totally selfish and I've been there myself on both sides.
If he refuses to not respect your wishes I"d say it's because he and her have some weird co/dependent
connection that he feels is more important. If he truly loved you he'd be more than happy to cut her
off, my X cut off a girl he'd dated for 8 years because I was uncomfortable. You don't need this shit
and I think you should tell him hey, it's her or me and if he let's you go he's obviously not the right
one and someone much better will come along. I know it's hard but it's all you can really do unless
you want to keep feeling hurt, judged for speaking your mind and share your man with his bitch face X

good luck!!

**elleda** · 25-05-11, 10:47 AM

lol thanks for the support...and the laugh

i'm going no contact with him and i am going to keep it. it won't be easy. he already sent me this message:

"We've both dr@wn our lines in the sand, and it finally feels over. But that's how it felt the last few times, so I don't even know what to think anymore.

I wish things were clear with us"

**elleda** · 25-05-11, 07:49 PM

....anyone else???

**hello1** · 26-05-11, 05:16 AM

Haven't you posted before about this? and you said it be over?

Like I told you before, if a man will chose his ex over you then he really is not worth it. Move on yeah, he does no care obviously. Let him have his emotional kicks with his ex