How to explain to her that she misunderstood.

[jsttesting]

Hey guys,

Reading the many threads, its really great to see a huge community that is supportive of each other in matters relating to the heart, and I trust you will welcome my first post.

I am currently in a relationship with a girl since high school and we’ve been together for about 3 years. I learnt overtime though, that she has a different way of showing her love to me....she calls me names, teases me, sometimes tries to annoy me, but at the end of the day, I know that she loves me. I don’t do the same to her obviously because mine is a different way to show her love...I usually try and be softer to her, ask her if she needs any help with her university work for example, and we talk a lot of things about family.

The problem now is that she thinks I’m being very possessive, which I am in some ways but I control it....at the same time, I know where to draw the line with other people and she goes off at me quite a bit for that.

What I’m unsure is, how do I tell her that she’s misunderstanding me? And she seems to hate me for everything I say sometimes.....not sure if its meant to “fun” to say all those things, but sometimes, I wonder how I should take in what she says.

Thanks everyone!

[Yggdrasil]

I wonder how I should take in what she says.

Why don't you ask her? 80% of a relation is communication.

Communication consists of more than talking and listening. It's also body language and asking questions if you're not sure you understand someone properly.

So why don't you just say: I don't understand what you mean by that. Sometimes I am being confused by what you say and I can't figure out if you are joking or being serious. Can you help me out here? I don't know how to take or understand this.

how do I tell her that she’s misunderstanding me.

You simply say: I believe you are misunderstanding me, ... then you explain your actual intention(s).

Dude, don't take this the wrong way but, you're in a relation for 3 years and you don't know how to properly communicate with your partner?

What the hell have you guys been doing the past 3 years? Relations are work, lots of work. I think it's time you start working on your relation.

I suggest taking lessons in effective communication. I believe that may be more of a problem than anything else in your relation.

There are counselors who will gladly take the both of you in to teach you those skills. Most counselors do this for free.

What do you think? Do I have a point here?

[jsttesting]

Why don't you ask her? 80% of a relation is communication.

Communication consists of more than talking and listening. It's also body language and asking questions if you're not sure you understand someone properly.

So why don't you just say: I don't understand what you mean by that. Sometimes I am being confused by what you say and I can't figure out if you are joking or being serious. Can you help me out here? I don't know how to take or understand this.



You simply say: I believe you are misunderstanding me, ... then you explain your actual intention(s).

Dude, don't take this the wrong way but, you're in a relation for 3 years and you don't know how to properly communicate with your partner?

What the hell have you guys been doing the past 3 years? Relations are work, lots of work. I think it's time you start working on your relation.

I suggest taking lessons in effective communication. I believe that may be more of a problem than anything else in your relation.

There are counselors who will gladly take the both of you in to teach you those skills. Most counselors do this for free.

What do you think? Do I have a point here?

Thanks for the reply!

I agree with you, I think its more to do with the fact of being possessive, which is quite wrong I know...because I trust her...but the problem is she does compare with other people....perhaps expecting too much?

I'm not sure, but I'm sure we can sort this one out.

[bperry]

I believe the gut never lies and your taken it in a hurtful way. which is probably how it was intended. You should talk her let her know how you feel. see how she responds once she's aware of what she is doing.

[Yggdrasil]

Thanks for the reply!

I agree with you, I think its more to do with the fact of being possessive, which is quite wrong I know...because I trust her...but the problem is she does compare with other people....perhaps expecting too much?

I'm not sure, but I'm sure we can sort this one out.

Yeah I don't know about the possessive or expecting to much.

Again that's something you two would have to have an open and honest talk about in my opinion.

I mean, seriously, how can you come to know your partner properly and understand him or her, if you don't communicate?

It's my understanding that communication is sort of the cullpitt of most relations. Non-communication frequently leads to relation breakdown as far as I know.

So that's definitely something to keep in mind.

Good luck with this.