she "thinks" she loves me?

[Tashi]

I have... a small problem with my fiancee for the moment... I am seriously confused over her behavior, and it pains me deeply whenever she hits me, yells at me, along with other aggressive actions. And today I asked her if she loved me (just randomly on our way home) and she said "I think I do. Isn't that enough?", which... kinda confused me.

While it hurts me deeply, and makes me feel hated, I simply cannot lose any love for this girl, and whether or not it is my fault, i want to try to make it better myself. We are on the last year of a higher graduation (or country's "pre-university if you want), and we are both very stressed, and short on time (we come home like 6 o'clock all days of the week, and meet at school at 8), so I don't want to put anymore pressure on her.

So, the two questions are:

1. What can I do to soften her up, and lose some of her tension? could possibly be ways to show how much I love her (I suck at being romantic unfortunatly, so all I do is kissing, hugging, and telling her that I love her regularly)

2. Am I simply being emo for thinking that she hates me? I hope so, and that is what I am presuming... but it sure would help to get a girls assumption on this >.<

extra facts:

We haven't had sex (nor plan on, we have, like forever, if we want to, and I don't want to if she doesn't love me.)

We've been together for 2 years and 5 months, and been engaged for 1 year and 2 months, and are both 19 years old.

I REALLY love her, so no comments about how I should just leave her or something like that...

[Spring Haze]

So... I'd really like to know, are you a masochist, or do you just have no self worth that you allow the physical ABUSE to continue? You need to reevaluate what it means to have a loving, and healthy relationship.

I REALLY love her, so no comments about how I should just leave her or something like that...

Why? Because you can't handle the truth? You have a skewed idea of the meaning of love. If you don't leave, you're a fool.

[Gigabitch]

Agreed. You can put your hands over your ears now, because I'm about to tell you to leave her, you full-time doormat. You're supporting her bad behavior. You're doing nobody any favors.

[Tashi]

So... I'd really like to know, are you a masochist, or do you just have no self worth that you allow the physical ABUSE to continue? You need to reevaluate what it means to have a loving, and healthy relationship.




Why? Because you can't handle the truth? You have a skewed idea of the meaning of love. If you don't leave, you're a fool.

okay first off, it isn't psysical abuse. I think I left something out of the explanation, because she isn't BEATING me. And it doesn't hurt physically, only mentally...

And please, refrain from telling me that I am a fool for loving her... PLEASE just try to answer my questions, cause those answers aren't helping. They are meaningless, and doesn't help at all

[Tashi]

I can't use these comments that only say I should leave her, cause as said, I won't, because I love her too much. That's it.

And another note that may or may not be important : She have said she loves me before, she just stopped a couple of months ago (5-6 months i think)

[Indignant]

whenever she hits me, yells at me, along with other aggressive actions.

uhm, first of all she doesn't love you. second of all hitting is beating. had she loved you, she would've expressed it differently. there's nothing you can do. she will be more relaxed and loving with someone else.

[Aeradalia]

okay first off, it isn't psysical abuse. I think I left something out of the explanation, because she isn't BEATING me. And it doesn't hurt physically, only mentally...

And please, refrain from telling me that I am a fool for loving her... PLEASE just try to answer my questions, cause those answers aren't helping. They are meaningless, and doesn't help at all

Abuse is abuse... mental or physical... And the LAST person to ABUSE you is the one that LOVES you. If she's abusing you in any manner - mentally and emotionally as well - then this is not love. Sounds more like self-sacrifice to me... you give and give hoping to be rewarded. Don't hold your breath... cause nobody can hold it forever...

[Indignant]

this thread sounds a little fishy, or trolly should i say?

[Indignant]

whatever happened to the suicide girl by the way?

[Tashi]

suicide girl? O.o

fishy and trolly? neither, this is very serious, but I suppose it was too much to ask for answers without getting the same stupid idea over and over. I can't explain the whole situation here, so I hoped it would be enough to just ask a couple of questions, and tell, quite clearly, that those "ideas" of leaving her should be left out of the tread.

I will leave for a while now, and hope this tread die if noone wants to answer the questions. I get it, you say she doesn't love me, and that hurts, and I guess I have to figure it out somehow. but frankly, I find it hard to believe that she can change her view on me from loving me, to hating me, within a couple of months. Regardless of how old we are.

[Indignant]

I will leave for a while now, and hope this tread die if noone wants to answer the questions. I get it, you say she doesn't love me, and that hurts, and I guess I have to figure it out somehow. but frankly, I find it hard to believe that she can change her view on me from loving me, to hating me, within a couple of months. Regardless of how old we are.

no offense meant Tashi, but people can go from love to hate in a heartbeat. wouldn't you rather be with someone who feels about you the same way as feel about her? and when you tell her that you love her, tells you how much she loves you back?

[Lite]

Sounds like she's an insane abusive bitch, and that you need to get your balls back from the jar up on the high shelf and leave.

WHY WOULD YOU BE ****ING ENGAGED TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW IF THEY LOVE YOU? WHY WOULD YOU BE ****ING ENGAGED TO SOMEONE WHO HITS YOU AND VERBALLY ABUSES YOU?

Grow a ****ing spine and stop tucking your penis back behind your legs OK?

[Indignant]

Sounds like she's an insane abusive bitch, and that you need to get your balls back from the jar up on the high shelf and leave.

WHY WOULD YOU BE ****ING ENGAGED TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW IF THEY LOVE YOU? WHY WOULD YOU BE ****ING ENGAGED TO SOMEONE WHO HITS YOU AND VERBALLY ABUSES YOU?

Grow a ****ing spine and stop tucking your penis back behind your legs OK?

wow, Lite, I am impressed.

[Lite]

wow, Lite, I am impressed.

Shhhh! Someone might hear you!

[IndiReloaded]

You don't have to stop loving her. You don't even have to leave her, if that's not what you think is right.

But, you do need to make sure she respects you, or you will never have a fulfilling relationship where you both benefit.

She doesn't respect you right now. You will suffer for this. Eventually SHE will leave YOU if you don't do something. You know this, else you wouldn't have posted here.

I think you should tell her the things that bother you. I think you should suggest you *take a break* from the relationship. A couple of weeks should do it. Tell her you'd like both of you to think about the best way to be treating each other, and how you can both do better. If she truly cares for you, this will shake up her world a bit. And this gal needs some shaking, so its a good thing.

Leave her alone for those 2 weeks. Seriously. Do not grovel and cry and tell her how much you miss her. You need to grow up in this regard. You will be better for it, longterm, just believe this. And so will she. Your relationship will be better for it. Noone wants to be partnered with a doormat.

Good luck.