the line between lover and mother

**seganomics** · 24-09-09, 04:20 AM

I really enjoying doing domestic things for my boyfriend. I love cooking him dinner, cleaning for him, and baking.

But I was wondering at what point a guy feels like he's more with his mother than his girlfriend.

I'd like to be able to surprise him with breakfast, or a home-made lunch already made without having to ask if he wants it, or a sparkling clean apartment but I'm worried about making him uncomfortable...

any suggestions on where that line lies would be appreciated.

**girl68** · 24-09-09, 05:00 AM

Sounds to me like you're just over the top.

While many guys would love that, I think you have to realize that doing so could eventually make him appricate you less, not to mention he will get lazy- as you already do everything.

**seganomics** · 24-09-09, 05:09 AM

you have a point. i guess that's also part of that line. when is it too much?

i want him to be able to feed himself if need be... but I know a part of me really enjoys being that be all end all provider....

**Thelovedoctor** · 24-09-09, 05:13 AM

If you do it once in a while, I don't see what the problem is with cooking for him. And cleaning is ok as long as you're not cleaning up after him all the time and every time.

Has he even brought up as an issue? if not, then don't worry about it. Only start to worry if he demands it.

**girl68** · 24-09-09, 05:19 AM

Originally Posted by seganomics

when is it too much?

Only you can know that.

But this is your problem: your need to be all end all provider....

**seganomics** · 24-09-09, 05:23 AM

Originally Posted by girl68

Only you can know that.

But this is your problem: your need to be all end all provider....

if it was a need then yeah it would definitely be a problem...

but i think it's more having that empowerment. i don't get upset if i can't these things for him... i get get sastification if i can.

maybe it makes me feel more independent... hmmm... i'll definitely keep an eye on my reactions and make sure it doesn't become a need...

**seganomics** · 24-09-09, 05:26 AM

Originally Posted by Thelovedoctor

If you do it once in a while, I don't see what the problem is with cooking for him. And cleaning is ok as long as you're not cleaning up after him all the time and every time.

Has he even brought up as an issue? if not, then don't worry about it. Only start to worry if he demands it.

Sometimes he whines for me to do these things, but i think in jest....

otherwise no he seems to be ok with it. i just know with past boyfriends... some of them didn't like it at all... i didn't know if maybe i just go past that border, or if it was their issue.

**Aeradalia** · 24-09-09, 05:32 AM

In a relationship there needs to be an understanding that you're still responsible for the messes you make and that there will be an arrangement in regards to domestic chores. Cooking and cleaning for him either needs to be agreed upon by both beforehand, or used only for special occasions.

If this is what you both agreed on... that you would practically be mothering him... then there's not much to really complain about.

However, if your relationship is more balanced, then I would suggest keeping the 'mothering' to a minimum.. because he may not realize he's taking advantage of you until he's been spoiled for a while. By then, it can be a real pain to find balance again.

**girl68** · 24-09-09, 05:40 AM

Originally Posted by seganomics

i'll definitely keep an eye on my reactions and make sure it doesn't become a need...

Good.

Make sure he's holding up his end as well. If he doesn't like to cook/ clean- fine. But make sure he is doing other things to make up for his lack of work in this respect.

And you shouldn't 'HAVE' to do ALL of it ALL the time. No matter what your explanation could be... you still shouldn't.

Balance as another poster said- that's important.

**vashti** · 24-09-09, 06:07 AM

if you enjoy doing these things, why don't you do it WITH him, instead of FOR him?

And BTW - if you love cooking, I don't really consider it "mothering" to allow him to eat what you have made for your own pleasure. I wouldn't do the cleaning, though. There isn't anything enjoyable about cleaning....

**seganomics** · 24-09-09, 06:14 AM

Originally Posted by vashti

if you enjoy doing these things, why don't you do it WITH him, instead of FOR him?

And BTW - if you love cooking, I don't really consider it "mothering" to allow him to eat what you have made for your own pleasure. I wouldn't do the cleaning, though. There isn't anything enjoyable about cleaning....

Sometimes I have fun cleaning... I think it's because i put on some music and bounce around the apartment, and I love just after a vacuumed and for the whole moment the apartment is just like... pristine...

maybe i'm just a strange one...

what about leaving him like cookies or muffins one morning... is that going past the line?

**vashti** · 24-09-09, 06:20 AM

Cleaning is only fun when it isn't expected. Trust me - don't do it. or if you feel compelled, then do it WITH him.

Cooking - again: some people really enjoy it. Just don't overdo it to the point where he loses appreciation for it. Honestly, this is one advantage to being with a man who has been single for a long time.... they often appreciate the effort it takes to produce a home-cooked meal a lot more than a young guy who has just moved out of the family home.

**davidtorres** · 24-09-09, 06:26 AM

I dont know bout you guys but ill marry a girl that can do all of this. lol

**seganomics** · 24-09-09, 06:35 AM

Originally Posted by vashti

Cleaning is only fun when it isn't expected. Trust me - don't do it. or if you feel compelled, then do it WITH him.

Cooking - again: some people really enjoy it. Just don't overdo it to the point where he loses appreciation for it. Honestly, this is one advantage to being with a man who has been single for a long time.... they often appreciate the effort it takes to produce a home-cooked meal a lot more than a young guy who has just moved out of the family home.

you're exactly right... what keeps me wanting to do it is how much he seems to appreciate it.

i really like that feeling... but maybe we should try to balance it and let him do some cooking too... so he can experience that warm fuzzy too

**seganomics** · 24-09-09, 06:38 AM

Originally Posted by davidtorres

I dont know bout you guys but ill marry a girl that can do all of this. lol

good to have the male input lol

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