Currently I am just writing whatever comes to my head.
At the time, I feel alone and misliked. Even though I know this is untrue by heart, but it isn`t so far from the truth as I would like it to be. Yesterday, I got this message on my cellphone, without discussing the text that was within, it made my heart stop for a while. Furious at the time, I now feel more disliked than ever. Now, what was so special about that message? It`s from a girl I like....At the start it seemed like she liked me, but it`s been going back and forward(and no, she hasn`t said anything directly) but I held my hopes up high.Now, she didn`t say anything like that she hated me or didn`t like me...but it felt like it was pointing onto that. This feeling...it feels like the first time I was in love 4 years ago, when that girl said it wouldn`t work. That was the only time I have ever been in love, but does this mean I was in love again? I hope not, and maybe I shouldn`t give up. My mind is telling me so many ideas, I don`t know if I should let it pass or not.It`s like a emotional rollercoaster. But now, I am sitting here writing this text, hoping this will help at all. Now I am questioning if it would have really worked?
But then again, I don`t want to be alone. Maybe it`s not was the girl did, but maybe it opened up something else inside me? Something that needs to be filled... I have never been in any long relationships but, I get the craving sometimes. After a while I realize that they are nothing at all, but this one feels different. And we have been talking a lot lately, but that threw me really off. I have liked her for 3-4 months now.. I usually wait a little bit and see if I feel more.(I haven`t given any obvious signs since the start of last month...What should I do? Try to forget it all and let it pass by time or?..