Do I stand a chance!? ='[

[TrinaS15]

I need some help/tips on a relationship I have with someone. Here goes the story;

I met this guy at the start of the year at the garage. He asked for my number, I gave it to him but never showed an interest in him. We caught up a few times.. I just caught up with him out of boredom..

Anyway he started liking me, I still wasn't interested, I told him I didn't want a boyfriend.. Secretly I was after someone else. We continued to hang out and he serviced my car.. I fell for him more because of the things he'd go out of his way for me and do. He always told me he could see me as his girlfriend. Anyway over time we started hooking up/making out. I liked him more and more..

We took things slowly, then after a few months into it I decided to ask him what was going on between us to which he replied, nothing he wasn't ready for a girlfriend. I accepted that because I believe that you can't push someone into something they don't want. You can't force feelings upon anyone. He messaged me the next day saying that he was sorry and he still wants to see me, just doesn't want to lead me on. So we continued seeing each other.

The other day we were together, I asked again what was happening because it had been a few months since the last time I asked. So we had a talk and he told me he still doesn't want a girlfriend. he said I would be the best gf and that I am a really good girl, but he is not ready. I accepted it, I told him I really liked him but I said to him maybe we should hang out less. He said that I was being silly.

Anyway since we talked he has been really nice to me saying that he wants to see me again.. And asking if I was thinking about him. He also told me that he was still waiting for the day that I ask him over my house. (I have been to his house often and also met his parents) I am getting confused signals from him. He says he doesn't want a gf but always calls and messages me. He respects me a lot. I really like him but don't know what will happen.. He is 25 and I'm 22. You'd at least think he would be more mature.. I feel like he is playing games and screwing with my head. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants? Help people!


Thank you.

[snoz]

He's probably not ready to settle down just yet but I don't think he should be messing with you like that. He might just be after sex by the way he said when he gets to go over to your place.

I just think it's a hopeless case, if he wanted you as a girlfriend he would've said so already instead of stringing you along like this.

[TrinaS15]

He's probably not ready to settle down just yet but I don't think he should be messing with you like that. He might just be after sex by the way he said when he gets to go over to your place.

I just think it's a hopeless case, if he wanted you as a girlfriend he would've said so already instead of stringing you along like this.

He asked when I'll invite him to my place for a drink.. And he knows I live with my parents so he wants to meet them aswel. He said that he'll stop sleeping with me because it's unfair for me.

It's so confusing, he also said he'll service my car again. He has been good to me and sees me atleast once a week. I know that he isn't in it for sex..

I think he is being greedy and wants to keep me there because he said I'm the only girl that makes him smile and I am always happy that's why he likes me. I am so confused but really want to be with him!! ='[

[genesys4]

well, either he's a wuss, or he's just playing with your head..
eitherway if he's serious, invite him to your place AND introduce him to your parents. he'll know how to handle himself from there

[Miskah]

Hi Trina

I just want to say you're not alone in this type of situation, I've just been through it myself. The way I dealt with it was that I first decided whether or not I wanted to really be with this guy.

And then I was rational and clear talking to him about it. I explained why I was confused (he was very off and on, hot and cold) and let him know how his actions were effecting me. I had to do this a few times (he wanted to be with someone but had 'commitment issues' as he put it), and I also had to ask a lot of questions (many that didnt get answered straight away).

Basically some guys (who are commitment phobic / have had bad experiences in the past etc) are very reluctant to let you in. You have to be his friend, prove to him you can be trusted, that you like/love him for who he is, that you accept him just as he is. But you do this by being the wonderful person you are. He'll make a commitment to you when its natural for him to do so. But dont push your needs to the side either.

I did come to a breaking point where I was like 'just make a decision', and I decided to just distance myself a bit, and not worry how things turned out, and thats when my guy (i guess) realised how he felt.

We now have a great relationship and he opens up and talks more. And *he's* the one who talks about our future together

So let go. Be a friend. Be yourself. It'll always work out for the best.

Hope some of that helps.

[Miskah]

I just realised Im in the 'ask a male' forum oops

[TrinaS15]

Wow thanks so much, that sounds exactly like him, I think he is commitment phobic, he told me if the time was right we would be together. He said he doesn't want to hurt me. Maybe he has been hurt heaps in the past, it sure seems like it. I have accepted his decision and am acting like a really good friend to him, I am making him laugh and smile a lot, I haven't been pushy. He calls/messages me heaps like atleast once a night or every second night, and he asks to see me every weekend, He seems like a busy guy but will always make sure he sees me on the weekend. I am falling so hard for him but trying my best not to show it. He is so difficult to work out, every now and then he tells me to take a day off work to spend it with him, but I haven't as I can't really do that although would love to. I asked him once what if I started seeing someone else how would you feel? And he replied to me that if that's what I wanted then go ahead. But that's not what I want I want him.. I don't understand, we talk so much and nothing has happened, I sure hope it works out the same as yours and I hope that you are right Miskah.

[TrinaS15]

Oh and how long were you with him for before he commited to you?

[Miskah]

It may seem that nothing has happened to you but perhaps under the surface a lot has been going on for him. It sounds like you're doing the right thing but don't push your needs aside either. Let him know that you do have feelings for him and would like more but also let him know that you're willing to work through and compromise so that things will happen between you when it's natural to.

It's good that he makes time for you even though he's busy, this is a sign that he *is* keen. My boy is a workaholic so often spending time with him is reading a book while he works on the computer (but as an upside I get to see what he does for work). But you really just have to find a balance that will work for the both of you, and so you create an environment that is safe to open up and share together.

I was with my boy for about 3 or so months before things started to consistantly be comfortable and we we're happy together. We've only been together for 5 months but the change that happened once he commited was amazing. Things were like you;ve described before it though, and my boy had no signs of jealousy (which in small amounts is good) when I mentioned any male name. Now he likes to know how long Ive known someone and how I know them and needs reassurance now and then (awww the sook).

It really depends if you think this guy is the one for you. Be easy to be with but still confident in getting what you want. Fall for him for who he is, believe me if he's this guarded he'll be able to tell.

I hope things work out for you!

[Miskah]

Oh and dont take excuses. Call him on them and the reason away the excuse.

Like I used to get "Im just so busy now, theres so much going on. I dont know if I can give you the attention you need, and it makes me feel bad"

My response would be along the lines of " Babe, you're always going to be busy, you own your own business. And you want to build your business, which means you're going to get busier not less. And I'm fine with that, I want to support you in that, I think its fantastic. And isnt it up to me to decide how much attention I need? Isn't the quality of our time together more important than the quantity, and I love the time we spend together"

Which ofcourse he'd have to agree with, because its rational and logical....and true.

So the excuses are used to 'weed out' the girls who want an easy ride, or aren't in it for the long run.

Girls usually use "So, how soon do you want kids?"

[TrinaS15]

Sounds about right. I am very reasonable and I understand if he is busy with work, I will support him all the way. I think we are similar in that way aswell. Ever since I had this discussion with him about being in a relationship and that he told me we couldn't be together right now because he isn't ready, he has been calling me everynight before he goes to sleep just to talk and ask how my day was, he is very confusing to read. I am scared that thing's will not work out. But he calls every night now =/ Thanks for the advice and assistance once again Miskah and I hope all works out also..