Texting and dating

[bigumbang]

This is as much about thoughts on the subject as it is asking for advice.
So far in my 14 years of dating life since I was 16, I have basically been able to attract and begin a relationship with any girl/woman I have set my sights on. Yet every time in the early stages of the dating, I get irrational, unfounded anxiety in regards to texting. I stress over what to say, I stress about saying too much, I stress about the amount of time I wait for responses and it makes no sense. Case in point, a girl I worked with asked me out to lunch on her last day at the company. after a fun lunch We set up a date for last Saturday. It was a great first date and ended with us laying in my porch swing, her curled up in my arms and kissing and talking until 3:00 AM.
We texted throughout Sunday and things are good. We have 2 more dates planned for the next week and a half. Logically, I know this is going well. Obviously she is into me. Yet, I texted her this morning and have not heard back. I know she is at work and is busy but my brain won't let me relax, I will feel paniced and like I potentially screwed up until I get a response. Why is there such a disconnect between logic and these stupid feelings?

[dontaskme]

I know she is at work and is busy but my brain won't let me relax, I will feel paniced and like I potentially screwed up until I get a response. Why is there such a disconnect between logic and these stupid feelings?

Instant gratification... effect of advance technology.

[bigumbang]

Could be... but I don't have this problem texting anyone else and I will not have this problem when texting this girl a month from now. Just new girls.

[basilandthyme]

I think many of us suffer disconnect between brain and logic from time to time. Mine is getting stressed when hubby is out late drinking with friends. I don't know why it happens, but it's definitely a thing.

The important part is to be able to recognise when we're being irrational and to not say anything to our partner. After all, if they are doing nothing wrong, we can't put our angst on them.

[megvoh]

If texting stress you, don't text AT ALL ever - unless an emergency and need to.
I know lots of people who won't text, they find it annoying, they get texts but they will make a call if it is important on what was texted.

[TheEvilJester]

It's understandable. I think we all have that to some degree, and some of us more than others. It is especially heightened in a situation like this. This is a girl you like, so you can't help but be hyper-sensitive and hyper-aware. I wish I could say it is easy to combat, but it isn't. It sucks, but it is the sort of thing that will continue to torment you. All you can really do is to do your best to engage your sensible side. In other words, remember that you tend to do this to yourself, and that it is okay to freak out a little to your own self, but you should never act on it.

In other words, since you realize you are freaking out over nothing and she probably has not gotten back to you simply because she is busy.... don't text her back asking where she is, or anything like that. Just wait and let her respond.

As you mention from your own personal experience, in time you will calm down and get used to it a bit. You won't freak yourself out so much anymore. Of course, on the other side of the coin, watch out about getting TOO relaxed with that. In other words, if somebody is truly a good person and puts in the appropriate effort to see you/talk to you, then in time you should no longer have any need to worry.

If somebody only reinforces your paranoid thoughts by being the type of person who cannot seem to put in any damn effort, that is when you need to realize you deserve better. Hopefully that won't be the case here, but I just caution against allowing somebody you thought you liked to get you to the point where you feel you practically have to convince them you are worth their time. If you have to convince somebody they are worth your time, then they don't deserve any of yours in the first place.

But, back to your main point.... Really, in time you will learn just by her actions whether she puts in the appropriate effort. If she does, you won't worry as much anymore. If she doesn't, then you should just move on anyway. Good luck to you.