Playing Hard to Get to bring back some excitement?

[missy1]

Hello all I have spent a couple of days, reading other's posts, and finally decided to try and get some advice about the one issue I am feeling in my relationship right now. I will try to keep it short, sweet, and to the point. We are 25 and 27.

We have been together a year and 3 months, have been living together for almost a year of that time. I have 2 kids. He moved from out of state, and doesn't know anyone other than co-workers, and after a bad break up I probably only have 2-3 friends anymore, all of whom are just as busy as me with work, school, kids etc.

So, we basically have no life outside of eachother. We share one car (until Feb.), and don't go out without the other. This is due to 1. Not really having friends, and 2. the high costs of babysitters, and my family doesn't live all that close. Lately, things have gotten a bit dull, and I'm trying to put some excitement back into our relationship.

It's come up that my boyfriend really enjoyed chasing me when we first got together. (skipping the back story) I really think he would enjoy the feeling of the "chase" again. Making him work for things, not being available at his beck and call. Putting some sexy back into the relationship.

(I want to point out that I have no problems with him and he is a GREAT man.) He has just become a little less affectionate lately, and like I said I want that back.

I thought that if we spent a little time apart, like maybe he could go for drinks after work with co workers on Fridays like they do, and I could try and arrange something with a friend to have a night on the town, maybe we would miss eachother a little more. The problem with that is, being that we don't get out often, when we get the chance, we like to go out together. Any advise on this?

Lastly, and I'm only bringing this playing hard to get stuff up because I really do know he will enjoy it. I wouldn't bring it up if I thought he would take it as me losing interest in him, thats not the case, so I'm not worried about the "what could go wrong" I'm not planning to take it to the extreme.

Problem is, I REALLY lack creativity. I'm having a hell of a time figuring out what ways I can play hard to get, especially in a living together, longer term relationship. I'm hoping for specifics. Not answering calls so quickly? Being a little less available? Let him see when other men flirt with me? (my conversation back being strictly casual, I have NO intentions of being with another man.)

Any suggestions would gretly help ease my stress. Google hasn't been the greatest help, and if you can't tell, I'm not the greatest at using what god gave me, and playing up that woman role. Frankly, I'm quite dumb to the situation.

Thank you all in advance, looking forward to giving, and getting advice on these touchy subjects.

[Cerby]

I've seen people try this before, and most of the time fail. There is nothing like the initial chase, if you pull back and make him chase you again, it may very well be interpreted the wrong way as a withdrawal by you from the relationship.

[missy1]

I've seen people try this before, and most of the time fail. There is nothing like the initial chase, if you pull back and make him chase you again, it may very well be interpreted the wrong way as a withdrawal by you from the relationship.

As I've stated, I'm positive this won't be an issue.

[surfhb]

How do you know that and why ask then?

[missy1]

How do you know that and why ask then?

I'm asking how to play hard to get. For specific things that I could do that would give him a little bit of a thrill again. I'm not sure what you thought I was asking.=/

[surfhb]

Im not going to address that because I agree with the first poster....it wont work for you

[Cerby]

There are many ways to rejuvenate a relationship, playing head games is not one of them.

Google "How to spice up our relationship" for a whole ton of good ideas, none of which are to re-initiate the chase.

[jen91]

I agree with Cerby. You can't really chase something you've already caught and playing hard to get in your relationship at this point will be more like playing head games. Definitely hit up Google and find better ways to spice things up!

[missy1]

Okay, well no use beating a dead horse. I don't know why my question wasn't clear, but I guess it wasn't. I know he would enjoy this because of the things he has told me and that I've seen. He likes it.. When I bartend occasionally, he will also work security. He likes to tell me stories at the end of the night about how guys would come up to him the security guard, and say, whats up with the bartender? He would laugh and casually say, I think shes seeing someone. It excited him. He has dated a dancer or 2 while doing security at a strip club a while ago, and mentioned how it turned him on to know that she was going home with him. Also, in response to the google suggestion, I have googled my exact question and found plenty of wives trying to give their husbands the same excitement. I don't see it as head games especially if I know he will like it.

I'm not trying to play head games. Just in a way remind him of what he has. I think the being together 24/7 has broken our intimacy.

Since I can't get any advice on my real question, do any of you think that spending a little time apart would help get some intimacy back? Even if we have to sacrifice one of our nights off, to go out without eachother?

[Cerby]

Since I can't get any advice on my real question, do any of you think that spending a little time apart would help get some intimacy back? Even if we have to sacrifice one of our nights off, to go out without eachother?

It won't - Spending less time together early in the relationship really drives up the connection early on, but in a committed relationship it won't have that effect. Spending less time together in a committed relationship where you do love the person, and live with them, will create problems. You can't foresee them now, but they will be there.

How about you try just teasing him a bit more? Push up his sexual desire and hold back on the payoff? I find that even in my longest relationships that was always a good thing. Don't back off the relationship, but add another element to it instead. Go out to a drive in movie and hop onto him while watching it, or even better, tease him the whole movie and shut him down, letting the payoff happen at the end of the night. Dress more provocative than normal and go out on the town together, let other guys hit on you, let him get that feeling where he knows you're going home with him at the end of the night.

Try adding those elements. Personally, I think backing things off and forcing him to chase you again will just end badly.

[missy1]

It won't - Spending less time together early in the relationship really drives up the connection early on, but in a committed relationship it won't have that effect. Spending less time together in a committed relationship where you do love the person, and live with them, will create problems. You can't foresee them now, but they will be there.

How about you try just teasing him a bit more? Push up his sexual desire and hold back on the payoff? I find that even in my longest relationships that was always a good thing. Don't back off the relationship, but add another element to it instead. Go out to a drive in movie and hop onto him while watching it, or even better, tease him the whole movie and shut him down, letting the payoff happen at the end of the night. Dress more provocative than normal and go out on the town together, let other guys hit on you, let him get that feeling where he knows you're going home with him at the end of the night.

Try adding those elements. Personally, I think backing things off and forcing him to chase you again will just end badly.

I actually really liked that answer Thank you. In a sense, I want him to see the girl he was attracted to at the beginning, not the girl he comes home to every day and watches clean, do homework, cook, etc. I think I will try the sexy outfit, and a night on the town first. Its a great idea

[bulrush]

Ok, so he likes the chase and you need ideas how to do this.

1. Flirt with him and show you are interested, but don't follow through. For example, approach him from behind, press against him, rub his chest, and say how much you like him. If he responds, say you are too tired to go out/have sex right now.
2. Before you go shopping, dress in something sexy, start making out with him suddenly, then put on a trenchcoat and go shopping. Look behind your shoulder and smile at him as you leave the room. This shows you are still interested.
3. When eating, make suggested movements with your tongue. Lick your spoon, lips, hotdog, ice cream cone in a sexy way. Watch him and make sure he's watching you. Watch his reaction.
4. While laying on the couch, start touching yourself quietly. Then make a little noise, fake an orgasm after a few minutes, then pretend to go to sleep. If he tries to start something tell him "Not tonight, I'm so tired."
5. Google ways to create sexual tension.
6. Don't make plans with him, let him make the plans. Then we he makes plans, be enthusiastic. Say "Hey, that sounds like a great idea!" That shows you are interested.