How can I get her to spend some time alone with me??

[tblr]

Some of you may have read my thread last week titled 'The girl I like likes someone else. What do I do?' Thanks to everyone who gave me some advice on this.

Long story short, I am 17 and I really like this girl who likes someone else. Now, she has stopped liking this other guy. So basically, I'm just trying to hang out with her so that she can get to know me better and then may grow to like me.

The problem is that, because at the moment she doesn't like me (she told me this), she does not want to hang out with me alone because she feels that she will be 'stringing me along'. She and this other guy that she used to like were pretty much bf and gf. However, this guy was, at the same time, off having sex with someone else and said that he thought the girl that I like was mellow and not good enough for him. Hence, he was 'stringing her along'. And so this is why she feels that if we hang out alone together, she will be 'stringing me along'. Now, I know that I can't expect her to hang out with me alone as she doesn't like me, but she has many close guy friends that she occasionally hangs out with alone; nothing happens, they are just friends. So if she didn't know that I like her, she would still be willing to hang out with me alone.

I respect the fact that she is still getting over this other guy, and so I do not want to go getting my hopes up fast, or jump the gun and go asking her out on dates etc. But basically, I just want to hang out with her more so that we can get to know each other better. I was talking it over with my friends (they are her friends as well) and they were saying that she would be happy to hang out with me alone. And now they think she is being bit of a b**ch about the whole 'stringing me along thing'. Someone has discussed it with her and she told them it is not an excuss to say no to me, it's just she doesn't want to go along getting my hopes up, which is fair enough. But I am honestly not going to be getting my hopes up any time soon. I just want to hang out with her. I am in this for the long run. I am constantly thinking about her (I know this isn't really good) and just being with her makes me so happy and all that sort of stuff.

So, I am just wondering what are some good conversation starters to use when I see her in our group of friends, and just want to talk to her?? I am not very good when it comes to this and so really need some advice on how to talk to her about things that we can just have a general chat about and get to know one another better. And are there are other ways that I can perhaps convince her to spend some time with me alone, just as friends??

Thanks in advance.

[Mathias]

The problem is that, because at the moment she doesn't like me (she told me this),

This is where you're done.

Getting a female who doesn't like you to change her mind is nearly impossible. You'll hurt yourself significantly trying.

[tblr]

Thanks for your reply Mathias.

I know it's hard to get a female to change her mind, but over time, things can change. Like, you can't tell me that everybody meets someone new and then starts liking/loving them. I'm sure that most people are atleast friends with the person they like before they started liking them. How else to you get to know them and realise that they are for you??

I know it sounds as though I'm banging my head against a wall, but if the wall is thin enough, will I not eventually break through?????

[tblr]

This situation sounds like I am in the 'friend zone'. I suppose I am a bit, but after reading about it, I have stopped doing favours for her etc. But I feel that I have to hang out with her as friends so that she can see me in a different light. And if I don't do the typical 'friend zone' things, do you think that I may start to get somewhere? Like, not 'being there' for her all the time; and being way to nice to her.

[Mathias]

Thanks for your reply Mathias.

I know it's hard to get a female to change her mind, but over time, things can change. Like, you can't tell me that everybody meets someone new and then starts liking/loving them. I'm sure that most people are atleast friends with the person they like before they started liking them. How else to you get to know them and realise that they are for you??

I know it sounds as though I'm banging my head against a wall, but if the wall is thin enough, will I not eventually break through?????

You won't. She'll definitely give you hints that you're breaking through to keep you around, but you're not going to.

[devonbrown]

I am sorry to say this, but you are fighting a lost cause here. The fact that she has said that she doesn't like you is pretty definitive. And the fact that she doesn't want to spend time with you isn't about stringing you along, it is about trying to find a nice way to tell you that she doesn't want to be around you. She is uncomfortable with you liking her and she can't handle that, so she is choosing to avoid all interaction with you. The fact that you are trying so hard to get her to spend time with you alone, and saying that you are in it for the long haul, etc. all sounds like it is getting a bit uncomfortable.
You need to stop thinking about her and do other things, concentrate on other things, other people, etc. She is not an option, nor is she going to be an option for you. And continuing to push it will only push her further away until she looks for a restraining order.

Sorry, but good luck.