Panicking....(Long)

[bluesummer]

I hate to post this, because usually I think I'm pretty sensible in giving advice to other people on here with their relationship problems. Not as sensible when it comes to myself it seems. I need to get it off my chest though. I'm going mental.

Some of you might remember I broke up with my bf in November, and it was really tough for me. However, he hadn't been treating me the best, and I kind of got fed up. We've been taking time apart to sort our feelings out and stuff.

I'm just a bit bewildered because only last month he asked me to go away to Europe with him for a month. On impulse, I said no. After thinking about it, I thought it would be a good opportunity for us to get a fresh start (and have a vacation at the same time). This was about a week later. All of a sudden he doesn't want me to go. I'm baffled. I tell him I want to try and give things a try again, (which I thought he'd be all for, since he'd been crying and pleading me to stay with him and begging for a chance only a month before), and he was like "I don't know - I need some space." Again, I'm baffled, but I comply.

Then all this weird shit starts happening. All of a sudden he's having hushed conversations over the internet with some girl. Says he met her at the hotel he works at, but she lives far away so he "doesn't know what I'm so paranoid about". I find little notes by the computer with "I love you" written in Russian (like he was trying to find the spelling so he could say it to someone). He put the chain lock on our front door once because apparently he was having a conversation on the internet he "didn't want me to hear". Worst part of all is that he decided out of nowhere last month to take a trip to New York with his friends, and he leaves tomorrow....I heard him talking to this 'friend' of his on the phone and he was saying "Yeah, I'll definitely be out in February. Definitely." Wtf?

So the problem is this. I love him very much and want us back together, but it sure looks to me like he's got someone else on the brain, although he denies it or gets mad if I ask him about it. He tells me I'm paranoid and that I can "think what I want." I don't think it's too much to ask him just to be up front with me about it, but he won't, and it hurts. I can't believe a man who said he would give anything to spend his life with me would turn around and chase after some ***** that lives on the other side of the ****ing country, if it's even true (which he won't tell me).

I know you guys are going to take a strip off me for putting up with this, but I love him and I can't bear this. It's eating at my guts to think he could be screwing some chick in New York all week(since we've maintained somewhat of a relationship, including physical). I know he loves me too, I can tell he's struggling with it, and I want to turn him away from whatever rebound-mistake he might be making. Am I being a retard? Probably. Do you think I'm being paranoid, or does it sound like he's got an interest in someone else? Help. And I'm fully expecting to get bitched at here, but maybe that's what I need right now. Please. Snap me back to reality.

[Late_vamp]

i tought we already told you in another thread ... wasnt it clear ?

this guy sounds like a real jerk ... tell me why your still with him ? Love? ... if so ... love doesnt compensate for everything .

[whaywardj]

I'm suprised at you, Bluesummer. Especially considering your former exhuberance over the break and the "hotty" you mentioned in one or two of your earlier posts on the subject. Off hand, I'd suspect perspective issues, if it were me. Having second thoughts can turn a pig's ear into a silk purse and a mountain into a mole hill. Just depends on what frame of mind you're viewing things from.

Why not give yourself some more time to let the pendulum swing absolutely to rest, then decide which choices to act on?

[bluesummer]

I'm suprised by myself, Hayward. I'm trying to figure out why I can't get a grip on my rationality in this situation. That's the most frustrating part.

LV....I know love doesn't compensate for everything else. I tell people that all the time. Yet when it comes to applying it to yourself, suddenly it becomes 'difficult'.

[Late_vamp]

LV....I know love doesn't compensate for everything else. I tell people that all the time. Yet when it comes to applying it to yourself, suddenly it becomes 'difficult'.

i understand , but you need to wake up and snap out of it ... or else your just going to keep geeting hurt . Look for now if i were you , i would try to get used to the idea that its over for sure between us (well , both of YOU's) and then try to just take the dignity that i have and leave .

[vashti]

Aww, poor bluesummer. You KNOW this doesn't look good, sweetie. Why are you two still living together? It is like rubbing salt into the wound.

[bluesummer]

Ugh......we can't seem to pry ourselves apart from each other. The finality of it is harsher than the lead-up ever was.

[Late_vamp]

hey dint you 2 brake up a long time ago and about 2 days ago he started to contact you back ???

its like watching a train wreck in slow motion ... you can stop it ... all you have to do is walk away .

[vashti]

I think you ought to really consider prying yourself apart from him. Do you really want to watch him run across the country to f*ck another girl? What could be worse? I would rather be alone for sure.

[NeoSeminole]

see guys? It pays to be a jerk. Keeps the girls a c'mon back to us.

[clynn]

Bluesummer.....did you two not ever actually separate then? As in you've continued to live together?

This sounds like a slow death. Oftentimes things take a long time to die.

This is driving you insane. At least if you were on your own, in your own space....you could try to regain some of your sanity with your independence.

Regardless of whether you're being rational or not...he doesn't sound as though he is doing much to make you feel secure. And that isn't very nice. Not very nice at all.

I feel very badly for you. I'm sorry this is going on for you.

[misombra]

let him go to new york and while he's gone pack your shit and leave. you knew he was a jerk before you even supposedly broke up with him. (breaking up=leaving the person and moving on/out, not having sex with them anymore, etc.) ay que mujer.

[Cipher]

see guys? It pays to be a jerk. Keeps the girls a c'mon back to us.

you know i never got this concept if your a total ass to women and treat them like shit they stay and cant get enough. you treat them like there the world and they cant wait to get away. what am i missing you give them the world they take it and run. lol i will never understand this.

[Tone]

NINA

GRRRRRR

Okay so he JUST confirmed what we told you in the other thread. That all his whining and crying was BULLSHIT. He whined and cried begging you to come back, saying you are this and that and he can't live without you... but then you come back and since he's met someone new... now... you're just an afterthought. What an assh0le! Continuing to live together was THE WORSE decision ever. You NEED to get away. And it's not suprising AT ALL that now you want him - because we want what we can't have. Back when he wanted you, you were able to stay strong and stick by your decision to split up. But NOW that he's showing interest in someone else and has actually REJECTED you - look at you. Read your post. Ridiculous.

I don't fault you, afterall you're only human... but another aspect of being human means we have the ability of choice, and to learn from our past mistakes. Rid yourself of this mistake you call your ex-boyfriend. Stop living with him, stop being "physical" with him, stop talking to him, and let him go **** up his next relationship. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER.

Don't fall for the trap, Nina, my dear. You're better than this.

[Gigabitch]

I hope this doesn't sound trite, but I recommend a trip to the beach. Get the f*ck out of that house. If you were an alcoholic, would you work at a bar? I agree with Misombra- what more appropriate time for you to move out that when he's off to NY to pork some other girl.

I wish there was a SWAT team with a moving van to help you.