seriously ready to move out...

[misombra]

so my bf hasn't changed his messy ways. now when i talk to him about it he's like, "oh that's all? i'll clean up i promise." he doesn't do it and i have tried absolutely everything. i feel like i'm living with a really dirty roommate. he would rather pick up and leave somewhere else than actually help me out around the house.

i'm the only person who cleans. i have a bad back and i've thrown my back out several times mopping the floor or cleaning the tub,and he still won't do it. and if i ask him to he'll either not do it at all or ***** about it.

i'm so tired of it. i'm so turned off. i feel like a slave in this house. i am not going to be able to get through law school living with him and having to always be cleaning, doing laundry, etc.

the last solution is to leave. my lease runs out in february and that's aweful close. i haven't told him that i want to leave yet. he left this morning after a night of the silent treatment. i'm so sick of saying, "i just want you to help me." i've said it a million times that the silent treatment and moving out is really my last resort.

it's so upsetting. this man doesn't care about me enough to just do some simple things to keep me around. it's not fair because i love him and i want to be with him, but he won't bend.



[url]http://www.loveforum.net/t7932-cleaning-ugh.html[/url]

[Lloyd95]

Sorry to hear that.

Someone once said, "Men marry hoping the woman won't change, and women marry hoping the guy will change."

I doubt very much that he'll change, even if he says he will.

I'm anally (sp?) clean and my relationship didn't work out; so I guess you have to look at the enitre picture; does his "upside" out weigh his "downside"?

Similat to having kids; you need to pick your battles; Is he incredible in every other way? If someone else were to come into your life, and he was cleaner, do you think he could match the qualities that you enjoy about your current bf?

[Junsui]

Yeah, I don't think you can get him to change so he'll clean more. I'm sorry you're having to deal with something like this.

[Lloyd95]

How about hiring a cleaning service, and making him pay for the bill?

[Junsui]

That's a good idea, Lloyd.

[TAVS]

Just think, for the small price of $75 every two weeks; you keep getting laid.

[Tone]

Oh my goodness!

I mean it's bad enough as is, but add on top of it you have a BAD BACK?? And he KNOWS this?? Now that just REALLY angers me... like I said in your other thread on this - what does that say about how he feels about you that he can't do somethin this simple? I mean, I know I'm not alone when I say, not only would I HELP clean, but if my girl had a BAD BACK I'd be DAMN SURE I didn't let her do ANYTHING that would compromise her health, as in no bending, heavy lifting, etc...

My goodness Mikey what's wrong with you... that's just messed up right there, sombra.

[Lloyd95]

The more important question here is how did she get a bad back?
Does she have any crazy contraption hanging over her bed?

[misombra]

lol thanks guys.

lloyd- see that's the thing! i love everything about him. except this. and it's so big and the solution seems so simple, but nothing is happening. that's why i say it's unfair that he won't pick up a mop or clean the toilet without me nagging him to do it, because i love him and i don't want to leave, really. as far as the cleaning service goes... they charge us $100 for our entire house. it is really big and we have 3 animals and two men. arty will testify that my house is large. it's just so much money for something that we could do ourselves. plus we're poor. ugh, i don't know. i really appreciate your reply.

tone- I KNOW!!! gosh, idiot.

[Lloyd95]

You live with two men??

[misombra]

yes. my man harem. what would you call that?

[Lloyd95]

shouldn't matter if you're poor; even better.

Tell him you're not going to clean unless he helps or pays for a service. then let it all go.

I tried that when I had roomates in college; they never cleaned so I said I wasn't cleaning anymore until after they did it. Well, dishes and garbage piled up for weeks. They went out and bought plastic plates/cups etc. So the plan kinda back-fired on me.

[misombra]

that plan wouldn't work for me for the "back-fire" result i'm sure would come from it. i would go absolutely mad.

[Rosebud]

Some men really irritate me...yours being one of them Sombra! I take it you have gone the route of not cleaning at all to see if he would eventually do it (which isn't always the best solution anyways because the house get's really bad). Has he always been like this or did it start just recently?

You know, I would sit him dow one night and tell him all over again about how you want him to do this and he's not..Don't attack him or blame him even though you do, because that could have very negative results, but I would still let him know this IS his last chance. I know I sound stupid for saying not to blame him but guys respond better when you don't attack them no matter how mad you get. You have played the nice guy and politely asked but nothing got done, so I would make it very clear that this is not just affecting the house it's affecting your whole relationship and you will not put up with it anymore. If he doesn't fully get this things will never change, he has to understand the afect it's having on everything and if he can't it is better that you do leave him. I'm so sorry Sombra! *hugs*

[Tone]

*joins in with RoseB in the hug orgy for sombra*

BTW - I still agree with everything I said in that linked post!!