possesive

[strangn]

Hey, im really new to this so please bear with me.

On friday night, it was my boyfriends brothers birthday party, me, my boyfriend his brother, his brothers gf and sister all went into the center of Glasgow.

We have double dated with his brother and gf for the last three weeks and the last three weeks we have always ended up in the casino - a place where his bros gf and i absolutly hate, both know we hate it and last week it was supposed to be our choice and yet again we ended up in the casino. Fridays plans were go for a meal and a drink at tigertiger and then go for a dance, which turned in to go for a meal and a drink in tigertiger then the boys can split and go to the casino and the girls can dance. Which ended up having dinner in the casino and the boys going downstairs to play poker and the girls basically left to go to tigertiger ourselves. I thought it was fine, but his bros gf was annoyed because it was his birthday and she wanted to spend some time with him and we were basically left.

It was the understanding that the boys would periodically come in and out of tigertiger to see us because i suffer from bad anxiety due to sexual abuse and have never been out to a bar before. My bf was going to come through and make sure everything was ok.

They ended up forgetting and we sat in tigertiger untill 1am, finally his bros gf decided she was annoyed and wanted to leave because she had work the next day as did stewart. I only had three hours sleep the night before so i was quite happy to go home.

We got in the casino and see the boys sitting at a poker table. It was miscommunicated that they were in a poker tournament and i started to get annoyed. So we went to the bathroom and when we came out they were at the bar, i walked over to my bf and asked him when we were leaving because he had work and so did his bros gf, i guess i was quite dry with him because he decided to take it the wrong way and walked away from me stating he was going to play the last 20£ - this could have taken hours especially in card games. His bro sat with his gf and she spoke to him about being segregated and then they sat for a while hugging, my bf was off playing poker and his bro kept trying to get him to leave but he wouldnt

by the time we eventually left i was quite and tired after little sleep it was 1.30am and i was driving everyone home. My bf started shouting at me in the car in front of his bro his bros gf and sister and it really started to get to me, it didnt last long anyway

we dropped everyone off and i started to drive again and we got in to this huge argument about the night and he ended up telling me i was possesive and he felt claustrophobic. I felt like i had just been smacked on the mouth, thats my worst nightmare to be possesive to a bf and hes sitting there telling i was and it wasnt just that night apparantly he said it had been building for atleast a week.

So now im really confused because i dont read his texts, emails or accuse him, i dont have a problem with him going out to play poker on a thursday night at the pub, i work all day and then train at night and dont see him untill 9pm and at the weekend we spend time togethere with his bro and gf and sometimes just alone but whatever we do im happy with the majority of the time, i was just annoyed at having casino'd it the last 3 weeks and tired and felt like it was a birthday party that there was no point in me being there because they spent the full night in the casino...i kind of felt like the taxi driver...

so i told him i was sorry and i didnt realise i was being possesive, but now i dont know how to change because i dont know how im being horrible to him???

[misombra]

it was his brothers birthday and ya'll ruined it with your drama!

newsflash: a persons birthday is a day when they should be able to do whatever they want. playing poker at a casino sounds reasonable. if somebody were to tell me what i should and shouldn't be doing on my own birthday i would be pissed too.

if you don't want to go the casino, then don't go out. some women are perfectly happy to go the casino with their boyfriends/husbands and do their own thing.

how old are you?

[vashti]

I agree about the birthday boy getting to choose the activity. It doesn't really matter whose turn it was to decide what to do when it is someone's birthday.

On the other hand, I don't like that YOU were the driver, and your BF wouldn't respect the fact that you had to work the next morning, and it was already quite late. Does your boyfriend have a problem with gambling?

[carl1222]

it was his brothers birthday and ya'll ruined it with your drama!

newsflash: a persons birthday is a day when they should be able to do whatever they want. playing poker at a casino sounds reasonable. if somebody were to tell me what i should and shouldn't be doing on my own birthday i would be pissed too.

if you don't want to go the casino, then don't go out. some women are perfectly happy to go the casino with their boyfriends/husbands and do their own thing.

how old are you?

I agree Misombra, but it wasn't her bf's birthday, it was his brother's birthday. His brother was already done playing and tried (without success) to get her bf to stop playing as well. So your comment applies to her boyfriend as well.

ps ... it sounds like her bf may have a bit of a gambling problem too.

Carl.

[misombra]

the guy wanted to play poker with his brother on his birthday.

where i'm from peoples like to gamble. my sister is a poker dealer and the girl is always playing poker. but she doesn't spend all her money doing it. which is when i would consider it a problem. around here peoples like to do it for fun and hang with their family members.

anyway, i don't think we're getting the whole story.

[carl1222]

the guy wanted to play poker with his brother on his birthday.

Yeah, he wanted to play poker with his brother on his b'day soooo much that he even kept playing for him long after his brother stopped for the night! What a guy!

Carl.

[alovehangoverr]

It just sounds like a bad mix of you not getting enough sleep, plans not going the way you and his brothers gf wanted, and ending up at the casino for the third week in a row.

Since it was his brothers birthday, the bday boy really gets to decide what he wants to do. I know it's not something you were down for, and I can understand the disappointment for his girlfriend.. but it was one day. It's not that big of a deal and shouldn't have been made into some drama fest.

As for your boyfriends reaction.. I think THAT'S what you need to focus on. Have a big talk with him about it. Him storming off to play more poker when even his brother wanted to leave was a bad move. Yelling at you in front of his brother and his brother's girlfriend is just disrespectful and embarrassing. Him putting all the blame on you claiming you're possessive and not seeing where perhaps he went wrong is no good.

Talking to him will help. Slapping an "I'm sorry," on it and not discussing it won't.

You may want to delve deeper into his idea that you're being possessive. Do you not let him go out? Have you not let him do his casino thing, even though you don't like it, for the last 3 weeks? I guess I'm just failing to see how you're being possessive or controlling of him because you didn't get much sleep and didn't like being at a bar/casino.

[misombra]

if i was tired and had to work the next day i wouldn't even go out.