Need another point of view! Low Libido

[Jazz80]

Hi Ladies, I am in desperate need of a woman’s point of view. I have been married now for 7 year and have two beautiful children aged 4 & 5 months. My wife and I have two different sexual needs. When we first meet like all relationships the sex was great, spontainous, adventuress regular but not too long after got married it started changing. Now 7 years down the track it is completely different. My sex drive remains the same but my wife’s is not. I need to be intermit it seems at least once a week before it physically starts changing my personality. When we do have sex it is usually when I am extremely frustrated and she decides to “Relieve me” which at the moment is around 10 days give or take. Life is busy now with kids and busy life style. In the past we have tried to talk about it but we always seem to argue. She only see’s her side and I only see mine. One of the things that really plays on my mind that in the 9 years we have been together I have never experienced her have an orgasm. So I asked her last night if in the last 9 years has she had one and she answered “of course”. This obviously means she can achieve orgasm on her own but not with me. I asked her why she thinks this is so; the answer was “I don’t know”. What does this mean? And believe me I have tried everything to try and make it happen but it never has. So now I’m wondering if this is the reason she has no real desire to have sex? She also said if I get frustrated why don’t I watch porn and satisfy myself? I asked “why don’t we try it together and she said NO” because it makes her feel self conscious watching girls she thinks are better looking than her. I totally do not understand this?? She is happy for me to watch it behind her back but not with her? Surely this is not healthy for our relationship? Around two years ago I resigned to the fact that things are never going to change and just learned to live with it. I now know that it’s not possible. I think that having a great sex life in marriage can be a real key to happiness. It’s not everything but never the less important where as my wife does not. Please let me know your opinion weather it is with or against me. I would love to know other women’s opinions? Look forward to your response!

[smackie9]

You need to understand that 98% of women cannot achieve orgasm on penis penetration alone. You need to turn you attention to learning about the female "G" spot and fully body orgasm. Go on line to Amazon.com and order some books on the subject. You can also locate a video on line on how to give a full body orgasm.

Also women need to be mentally ready for sex. Since her mind is on kids, cleaning and cooking, you need to pamper her with massages, foot rubs, and put on an apron once in awhile and cook a nice dinner for her. She needs romance and to feel appreciated. Don't forget to take her out dancing or something she likes to do, like when you were first dating. Once you get these things going you will be having more sexy time for sure.

[vashti]

Screw the mythological "G" spot. It doesn't even exist in any anatomy book. You need to learn about the clitoris - it's more of a sure thing.

Honestly, if my partner waited 7 years to care about MY orgasm, I'd be furious, and not at all interested in fcuking you. Maybe you should find a sex therapist?

[smackie9]

Some of us are lucky enough to have "the spot" or an area where it sends one to the moon in ecstasy......and of course there are those who don't. It's really all about exploration, and communication. Some couples even enjoy Tantra Sex to further their pleasure.

[smackie9]

Screw the mythological "G" spot. It doesn't even exist in any anatomy book. You need to learn about the clitoris - it's more of a sure thing.

Honestly, if my partner waited 7 years to care about MY orgasm, I'd be furious, and not at all interested in fcuking you. Maybe you should find a sex therapist?

Everyone has there own opinion for sure, but this isn't all his fault. His wife had 9 years to speak up and say hey you are not doing if for me, how about we try something different. From what is posted it is her attitude towards sex, and self image. He thought he was satisfying his wife, and only to be told she has been faking it, which is what she meant, is devastating. Now with this, he is just looking for some female ADVICE to get some IDEAS on how to make their sex life pleasurable on a much better level. If his wife had an issue, she would have left him by now. It's obvious they do have a loving relationship, and like a lot of couples this far into their marriage do run into problems with sex, the desire for sex, etc. At least he is making an effort to seek out some help instead of the alternative that so many seem to do and that is to have an affair.

[vashti]

One of the things that really plays on my mind that in the 9 years we have been together I have never experienced her have an orgasm. So I asked her last night if in the last 9 years has she had one and she answered “of course”. This obviously means she can achieve orgasm on her own but not with me.

Smackie - I'm not sure where you got the idea she was faking orgasms when HE is pretty clear about her NOT lying.

I think tantric sex and alternative stimulatory spots are fine, when you already know what you are doing. This couple is obviously like a couple of virgins. Better to focus on a more sure thing. You wouldn't jump from addition and subtraction to calculus, would you?

[smackie9]

I've done some reading on Tantra sex. There are some simple methods that even a "virgin" can try. It's not just for the insanely experienced couple that is thirsting for a higher level of experience. Like anything, it doesn't hurt to try, and ya have to start somewhere.

As for my response about "stimulation" I quoted that he needs to explore and communicate in order to discover what can work. I'm just giving him some IDEAS, I never said that he has to do these things I suggested. It's up to him to do his research and to discuss things further with his wife. I'm sure there is a book out there called "Tantra For idiots" lol

[Riku]

In my case (and my opinion) there is nothing a guy can do on his own that will make me orgasm. 9 times out of 10 it only happens for me when I'm in control ie. on top, because I can feel when something is working. It's not easy for me, it's not just a spot it's about timing, the right amount of pressure, speed, thoughts going through my head. I make it happen not him. I can't explain what to do, one small misstep and it's gone. My point is, I think you have an unrealistic sense that you are supposed to be the one that makes it happen. She has to be involved here and probably the one in control if you ever expect to experience this with her.

[Riku]

When you do have sex does she seem into it or more of a...ok hurry up kinda vibe?

[Jazz80]

First of all thank you all for your responses. Just to get a little more in depth about our relationship to explain I guess a little better. When we first got together as I said the sex was great, and to be honest still can be from time to time but I would realise she was not able to orgasm so I did try to chat with her about what I could do to help and it she did not want to talk about it. She did say the more we talk about it the harder it will be for me to have one so I let it go for a while, Probably another year down the track obviusly this was still bothering me i thought i would do a little research to understand women better. Like I said in my original post I have tried everything. Wine and Dine, Massage, Talking with her, I actually work 6 days a week around 60 hours. And every night ever since we meet I have cooked for the family. I don’t want a medal but sometimes I think that women automatically feel that the male doesn’t do his part and trust me I do. The problem is I want change. I want to talk about what we can do to make things better. I have not just decided now 7years into marriage to try and work out how to have a better sex life or marriage, it is something I have been working on for years but like I said, if sex is not a big deal to one partner and it is to another how do you fix it? That’s when the question start flying around in my head, why is she like this, is it me, is it because she can’t orgasm with me, is it because I’m not big enough etc. I have asked her all these questions with no real answer. Good news thought, after our chat the other night yesterday she agreed to go to a therapist with me, I’ll let you know how we go.
riku, 9 times out of ten it is like let’s just do this, she does not want to kiss no foreplay just straight into it. But on that rare occasion its fantastic! Actually last night after our chat/argument a couple of nights ago we had make up sex and it was off the hook! But I do know without help things will soon go back to the way they where, it always does. Any way keep it coming, i will deifnatly look into tantric sex. It seems alot of people reccomend this. Thanks everyone.

[smackie9]

Why not talk about fantasies, and try role playing, you know dress up or have sex in public. Or, and I know it's not for everyone, try an open marriage.

[smackie9]

Like I said many times to people, you have to make time to be as a couple, and go out on dates to enjoy yourselves and get reconnected. Sometimes you just need time away from kids, house and bills.

[Riku]

I think counseling is a great idea, glad she is willing to go. My advice, start flirting with her. Act like you just met her, start sending her flirty texts, compliment her a lot, be playful, leave sex alone for a bit and focus on that fun kinda stuff. She will probably pick back up if she feels excited about the relationship again, hence the great make up sex. That's what's so appealing to people who have affairs, they feel that excitement again. Try to find a way to create it and see if she responds.