Exclusivity

[flannalan]

I have been dating a guy now for around 3 weeks, in that time we have seen each other around 8 times. We met on an online dating site, I have since suspended my account for two reasons, the first being that I am not interested in dating anybody else whilst I am dating this man, and two because most of the men on there seem to be slightly strange!

He is still on the dating site and I know he logs on quite a bit but I know that he has not met up with anyone since we have been dating.
I am quite happy to have the exclusivity chat with him, but as I have not dated for many years I wanted to ask peoples opinions on whether it is too early to ask this of him as at the moment we are just dating, but I would like it 'official' so that i can refer to him as my boyfriend rather than just someone I am dating.
Also, is it unreasonable to ask him to also suspend his account if he does agree to the exclusivity? He has mentioned wanting to close his account but so far has not, and as they say; actions speak louder than words.

[maxmax]

I think three weeks is a bit too soon. Obviously not for you, but perhaps for him. The fact that he is still active on this site shows that obviously he is thinking and feeling differently.

Then again, you have met 8 times and should be getting to know each other reasonably well. If what you want is exclusivity, just talk to him about it and tell him that you are ready.

If he isn't, then you need to decide whether you're OK with that or not. You say that he hasn't been dating anyone else, but do you know this for sure? Be aware that if he is continuing to scour the net for other girls (why else would he be loggin on so frequently?) that he might not hang around. He may just be keeping you around in the meantime.

If he does agree to be exclusive, then he shouldn't have any problems with suspending his account - why else would he need it?

[tremolo]

I also think three weeks is a bit soon. I, too, have been dating someone for three weeks and although I'm pretty sure I want to be exclusive - I imagine he does too - I don't want to be the one to initiate that talk. In the past, if the guy I'm dating hasn't brought up the subject, I will typically do it after 2-3 months. I feel like that's a good time to point out that you've been dating for awhile, and you're quite happy not to see other people anymore, but you'd like to know how he feels about it. However, I think it's best to let the guy lead on that one.

My personal opinion is that if you're not prepared to initiate the conversation yet, you should un-suspend that dating account and at least give the illusion that you may be talking with/dating other men. There won't be any reason for him to become exclusive with you if he is already aware he has no competition. I know that may sound 'gamey', but - at least in my mind - it's unfortunately how things usually work.

[Wakeup]

I don't think three weeks is a bit too soon if you've been intimate. I don't know about anyone else, but I'd not want to be going to bed with some guy who's dating site account is still active and he's still logging on regularily.

... Just how do "you know" that he's not seeing anyone else, OP?

My personal opinion is that if you're not prepared to initiate the conversation yet, you should un-suspend that dating account and at least give the illusion that you may be talking with/dating other men. There won't be any reason for him to become exclusive with you if he is already aware he has no competition. I know that may sound 'gamey', but - at least in my mind - it's unfortunately how things usually work.

I'd have the eclusive talk first and if he didn't want to be exclusive then I'd re-activate. No sense putting all your eggs in one basket if he's not willing to do the same. It wouldn't be an illusion either.. I would date other men. I'd also emotionally distance myself somewhat from him as well.

[qwertz]

I personally would not want to sleep with a guy who is dating other women.

[Kyrina]

Did you ask him why he want's to close his account? Could he have mentioned it because he hoped for exclusive between the two of you but he didnt get the answer or the question wasnt followed up ?
3 weeks mah nothing really but you definetly needed to talk to him. Say what you want him to know if he's not like minded best to know now then when your in deep, if he says slow it down then slow it but ask him to suspend his account at least until he decides on you or other's.Dont sleep with him until he does you know he hasnt met up with anyone since your dating but do you want to be a stop gap for him until he thinks something better has come along.
If you cant talk now how can you in the future you need a foundation to build from and conversing is part of that foundation along with trust, respect and eventually love because without these how can you love someone you dont respect or trust.
He can only say no and then i would re activate mine too because your not that far in his future

[tremolo]

I don't think three weeks is a bit too soon if you've been intimate. I don't know about anyone else, but I'd not want to be going to bed with some guy who's dating site account is still active and he's still logging on regularily.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to do that either...

[flannalan]

So I slept with him last night. Before and after he said all the right things, I had to initiate the sex, which I don't mind one bit. He has also now asked me to show him how to delete his profile from the dating website and keeps talking about making things official and how he wants to ask me out properly and romantically. He also keeps mentioning meeting both sets of parents (I get the impression that he is very traditionalist and that he does not want to rush into a relationship without believing he knows me enough).

We have some quite deep conversations. From the outset things seem good, but I cant help having a slight feeling that I am being played. I guess that may continue until he agrees to be exclusive and deletes his profile. I thought I would give it another week or so to mention exclusivety and the profile.

[qwertz]

If you think you are being played, you probably are.

[Wakeup]

[quote]

So I slept with him last night. Before and after he said all the right things, I had to initiate the sex, which I don't mind one bit. He has also now asked me to show him how to delete his profile from the dating website and keeps talking about making things official and how he wants to ask me out properly and romantically. He also keeps mentioning meeting both sets of parents (I get the impression that he is very traditionalist and that he does not want to rush into a relationship without believing he knows me enough).

We have some quite deep conversations. From the outset things seem good, but I cant help having a slight feeling that I am being played. I guess that may continue until he agrees to be exclusive and deletes his profile. I thought I would give it another week or so to mention exclusivety and the profile.

Is there some reason why you online dating woman don't have the exclusive talk BEFORE you go to bed? A simple... "It's obvious we both want this, what are your thoughts on us becoming exclusive while we figure out if we're meant for the long haul together." If you're all going to worry so much about your vagina's worth then why don't you take better care of it or, at least go in with abandon and not give a flying fk what will become of the two of you. Hardly it seems can you go in without rules and then it works out in your favor.

In your case.. He's told you words you want to hear but his actions (not deleting or agreeing to be exclusive) are telling you the exact opposit to what hes told you. That my dear is a huge red flag.

[Cerby]

So I slept with him last night. Before and after he said all the right things, I had to initiate the sex, which I don't mind one bit. He has also now asked me to show him how to delete his profile from the dating website and keeps talking about making things official and how he wants to ask me out properly and romantically. He also keeps mentioning meeting both sets of parents (I get the impression that he is very traditionalist and that he does not want to rush into a relationship without believing he knows me enough).

We have some quite deep conversations. From the outset things seem good, but I cant help having a slight feeling that I am being played. I guess that may continue until he agrees to be exclusive and deletes his profile. I thought I would give it another week or so to mention exclusivety and the profile.

Once you sleep with someone, you should have no problem asking them to be exclusive. Its not like this is a one night stand, you've been out many times and sex has finally happened. If you don't get the words that its exclusive, you can fairly assume his options are still open. If you're not comfortable enough around him to bring it up, then why sleep with him?

[Wakeup]

Once you sleep with someone, you should have no problem asking them to be exclusive. Its not like this is a one night stand, you've been out many times and sex has finally happened. If you don't get the words that its exclusive, you can fairly assume his options are still open. If you're not comfortable enough around him to bring it up, then why sleep with him?

Absolutely right!

[devonbrown]

I am also wondering that if you have a suspicion that you are being played, perhaps you might have some underlying trust issues or insecurity baggage coming along on the ride. Just something to consider...

Good luck.

[julinneray]

I can't believe you slept with him that soon..i mean you say he is all traditional and he wouldn't get in to a relationship with someone unless if he knew them enough..but ohhhh..he didn't think about that when he was getting in to your pants. Also the fact that you are giving him some and actually being the one to initiate it might give him a false confidence and take you for granted. I mean what would be the point of him being exclusive if he can get some from you and still talk to other women. The point where you mentioned that he doesn't know how delete his account....thats a lie...i mean did he need help to sign up for it ? I am guessing no and I am sure he knows how to delete it and just doesn't want to coz he still wants to talk to other women on there. I agree with everyone else that 3 weeks is too soon to ask for exclusivity coz i am thinking he is still weighing out his options to see if he can find someone else or he is not sure about his feelings for you . I think you should give him a chase too and even though there is really no competition because you are not interested in other guys..make it seem like there is ..trust me..there is nothing that drives a man Krazy like competitive adrenaline. Thats my opinion.

[Mathias]

I can't believe you slept with him that soon..i mean you say he is all traditional and he wouldn't get in to a relationship with someone unless if he knew them enough..but ohhhh..he didn't think about that when he was getting in to your pants. Also the fact that you are giving him some and actually being the one to initiate it might give him a false confidence and take you for granted. I mean what would be the point of him being exclusive if he can get some from you and still talk to other women. The point where you mentioned that he doesn't know how delete his account....thats a lie...i mean did he need help to sign up for it ? I am guessing no and I am sure he knows how to delete it and just doesn't want to coz he still wants to talk to other women on there. I agree with everyone else that 3 weeks is too soon to ask for exclusivity coz i am thinking he is still weighing out his options to see if he can find someone else or he is not sure about his feelings for you . I think you should give him a chase too and even though there is really no competition because you are not interested in other guys..make it seem like there is ..trust me..there is nothing that drives a man Krazy like competitive adrenaline. Thats my opinion.

I'm too old and tired to pick this one apart.

But you obviously have insecurity issues yourself.