I was at a work party, and I'll say right off the bat I was a little salty because my BF ditched last minute so I went alone. My BF and I have been together for 3 years. I will also say right now I am underage, and that my BF is super anti-underage drinking. Also, this is going to be a hella long post.
Okay, moving on. Work party. It was on a Saturday and it was at a bar, and I drank a little and then the bar kicked out anyone under 21. So all of us went back to one coworker's house. We drank a lot. I was beyond drunk. At some point, we all ended up sitting around watching Netflix and I ended up on the couch next to a coworker. I fell asleep on him. I don't know how much later but eventually he woke me up by kissing me. I can honestly say that I was still mostly asleep but I kissed him back because that's just natural reaction right? Anyway, I kept trying to fall back asleep and he kept kissing me. When I was sober enough I left (around 6am).
So flash forward to the next night, Sunday night. I get home from work and I resolved to tell my BF what happened. After all, honesty is the best policy. So I went over to his place. He already knows at this point that I drank. The conversation we had was short.
Him: Anything else I should know that happened last night?
Me: Yes.
H: What happened?
M: [coworker] may have kissed me.
H: *many swear words and lots of crying*
H: Anything else?
M: I may have kissed him back.
H: *more swearing and crying*
H: I'm too emotional to make a decision right now but you definitely should go.
So I left. Next night, Monday night. He meets me outside my class. Walks me back to my place. Breaks up with me on the way. I hardly say anything except, "Is this it forever then?" He says he hates saying never so maybe, maybe not.
We haven't really talked since.
Now, I obviously feel terrible and really shitty about what happened. I want to work things out. I don't think this is worth throwing a 3-year relationship away over. He on the other hands wants nothing to do with me right now. I am afraid that if I give him too much time, he won't want to work it out at all, but I don't want to rush him either. I am just feeling lost and confused right now. What should I do?
p.s.- I don't even think he knows the full story which is super frustrating but he said he didn't want to know so idk? tell him or no?