oh oh ! A Long Story

[lin]

Hello , I'm really confused and have joined this forum in the hope of getting some advice / opinions

There is a guy at work ( I'm English , he's Polish ) We've worked together for about 5 months , since he came to England infact . We've always spoken , we always seemed to be working in the same area of the building . We've always said hello and had short conversations . we've always waved hello to each other ( even if we were at opposite ends of the building ). We've only ever had one long conversation ( a bus journey into town including a long sit in a traffic jam ) We seemed to have a lot in common .. he even said so . I could have spoken to him all day

I've always found him very attractive , but sort of took it for granted that he didn't feel the same way . Because of this I've always been able to act fairly normal around him ( I should think a body language expert would dissagree , but you know ... I haven't been doing " weird shy girl " behaviour round him ).

A couple of days ago I was in the works canteen . I poured some coffee into a canister and poured a lot of it on the work top . " He " came over , I
laughed and said how stupid I was , he said " no , I did the same thing a few days ago " He then proceeded to clean the mess up for me ( while I protested )
It only took a minute to clean , when it was done I said something inane like "ooh that's beautiful" he said " LIKE YOU " ( He didn't shout it like that, the capitals are there because I don't usually get comments like that ).

I think I sort of laughed , not a " laugh the guy out of town" laugh . It was a genuinely surprised laugh and an assumption that he was just being a bit charming .

My problems have come since then .. I don't know what to think or even if I'm just imagining some of this .....

The day after the coffee incident "he" walked past me at work . I went to say hello .. he looked at me quickly then looked away ( I can only describe it as being the same as if I made eye contact with someone who I hate then tried to look away quickly !!)

This happened several times over the space of an hour . Then he walked past when I was sat talking to a friend ( she isn't aware of my feelings ). She made a silly comment , he laughed and spoke making eye contact with her and avoiding looking at me . Later that day we were walking towards him , the same thing happened ... he looked at me quickly then looked away . He said hello to her and ignored me .

The day after he had to work very close to me . He couldn't walk away because he had to stay in one place to do his job . I took the opportunity to just make small talk to test the water . I told him about a silly incident and he laughed his head off and was joking back to me ( in a really over the top way , like a performing seal actually ).

At the moment he seems to be mostly doing the looking and looking away thing ( not nice ) but yesterday he walked past and said a really big cheery hello at the same time as touching me on the fore arm ( he's never touched me in any way before ) but tonight he's back on the looking and looking away thing ... My head is minced !!!

Today I've had a half hearted wave and a look at me and look away quickly

I don't really know what to think and I don't want to presume anything incase some ( or all of this is ) in my imagination .

Perhaps I am imagining this , but I am beginning to find it quite disturbing as I really do like the guy .

I'd be really grateful for your opinions . I'm sort of reading this as perhaps he really does like me and I've unintentionally offfended him , but a bit of me thinks that I just want to see the situation like that

[Prodigal]

I think he likes you but is a little afraid to do something. He probably doesn't notice the signs you're giving him (if you are). You say that you are just coming off as shy, etc. I would probably say most guys (I am one of them, heh) can't tell by subtle clues if a girl likes them or not. So my guess is that he's attracted but doesn't really know if you are attracted to him. You can either wait it out and see if he makes a move, or you could try giving him more deliberate signs to see if he catches on.

[lin]

To be honest I didn't think that I had been acting "shy " round him . I had sort of assumed that he didn't find me attractive , so I was being quite natural with him . I'm sure that I've given off a lot of body language signals , that's just something that happens when you like someone isn't it ?
Until the coffee incident I had pretty much put the idea that there could be something more than friendship between us out of my thoughts .

The looks he's been giving me the last few days ( looking at me very quickly , then looking away ) aren't the normal " shy" looking quickly then looking away thing
( "the oh no I've been caught staring again " look) . It isn't the same . His eyes look quite angry when he does it .

When he is being friendly at the moment , it seems quite OTT and as if he has forced himself to come over and say hello . Maybe it is nothing to do with attraction .

Perhaps I have offended him in some other way ? After all his first language isn't English . Maybe I'm getting all the signals wrong and I am meant to have said or done something wrong ? Perhaps he thinks that I have said something about him . Perhaps I laughed a lot louder than I thought when He said I was beautiful and he has taken it to mean that I was laughing at him

Should I confront him and ask if I have offended or annoyed him in some way ?

This sudden change in behaviour has really unnerved me . I'm trying to act normally around him , he seems to be around more than usual but mostly passes by as if he's trying not to make eye contact at all . Last week he would have given me a quick wave or an eye flash pretty much every time we made eye contact .

[blacksun]

Lin, I agree with prodigal, the signs you are giving him are probably confusing at best. As an imigrant in a foreign country it can be very hard to understand people's signals and he probably thinks he would offend you because he is misinterpreting your signals. You should apporoach him and ask him why he has been acting so shy and why he hasnt asked you on a date, yet. That way you can give him a hint while at the same time letting him ask the question. Or find some other way of inquiring why he hasnt asked you out yet, that way he will be certian you are interested and there wont be any miscommunications.

[lin]

Thanks for the help . He seems to be ok around me if he's expecting to see me , but jumps out of his skin if he sees me by accident at the moment . I'll keep in mind what people have said here and see what happens I know he got involved in a fight in a club not long after he arrived here because someone didn't like the fact that he was "messing with an English woman" . ( he was just dancing with her he had done nothing wrong , he ended up with black eyes) So yes it probably is a big deal for him to consider involving himself with an English woman again .

[lin]

I have never had the courage to approach him about this ( I know !!!) . I still feel the same way . We seem to be back to normal now and have had a few conversations . I have noticed that if I am sat outside on my own at break times he will come and sit with me ( and stay for longer than his official time ) . If any of my friends arrive while he is there he gets up and goes in again .
I think I'll just keep the chatting and having a joke and a laugh with him for now and see what happens ( cowardly I know !!)

[Venacava]

I think he likes you. Especially being from another country he probably doesn't know how to approach someone he likes and what not. When he said "like you" about you being beautiful - you laughed, I know it wasn't intentional but that could have confused him a lot! The quick glances are pretty common for people who like someone and who don't know how to go about asking them out or whatever, it's hard to explain but this is common! Don't be offended by it.
If I was you I would just tell him that I like him, you're never going to know otherwise! Clearly he is a little bit shy, so I guess it may be your move to make!

[lin]

haha I know you're right . Perhaps I'm misreading all the signals and he is just being friendly .. I don't suppose a bit of embarrassment will do me any harm . After all men have to make the first move all the time .... I'm not horrific looking and he seems to like me as a person , perhaps if I've got it wrong he'll at least feel flattered and he'll have had his ego boosted !

Why is it that when a man I'm not attracted to likes me , I can sense it instantly ? If I'm attracted to someone I can't judge the signals ?

Is this normal ?

[dreamer101]

at least give him some signs woman!

[lin]

What kind of signs ??

I know ... I should just ask him out for a drink . It's just something that I've never done before . I'll get round to it when I'm having a couragous day ( this could take some time , I am a coward ).

[Gigabitch]

Lin- try to get him to do the asking if you're such a coward (I totally identify with this). You can hint broadly that you think the coffeshop at the corner is far superior to the work cafeteria. You can tell him about a movie you've been wanting to see. If he doesn't get it, you might have to ask him out.

He was probably looking angry because he let that "beautiful" comment slip out and he's worried that you think he's a total dork. Every time he caught sight of you, he was reminded again that you are super-fabulous and he's just a chuckle-head who exists to clean up your coffee messes.

What I'm saying is that cowards come in both genders. To me, it's glaringly obvious that he has a huge crush on you. You'd know it too, if you'd just trust your own judgement.

[dreamer101]

"I have noticed that if I am sat outside on my own at break times he will come and sit with me ( and stay for longer than his official time ) "

Here is a clear sign. Flirt. Sit closer. If he makes you laugh or something, momentarily hold his arm with two hands (not forearm). Body contact is a good sign. If he doesn't respond to that then he is a nervous type too.

I agree with Gigabitch's analysis of his change in behavoiur. Why don't you slip him a compliment too eh.

Good luck.

[lin]

He made me laugh yesterday (he said something to me mimicking my accent and mannerisms perfectly !! Not bad for someone Polish !)

I wasn't stood close enough for any arm touching , though he has done that to me a couple of times when I've made him laugh .
I think I'll try and keep it relaxed and try and get things feeling normal and friendly ( very friendly ) for a while . I tend to go a bit uptight and quiet around men that I fancy if I dwell on it too much . I think I need to find a way where I can flirt with him and feel ok . I think there's always a part of me that thinks that he probably is just being friendly and why would he like me anyway ?
I can flirt like mad with men that I like (but I'm not overly attracted to) . I suppose that's because I'd be less bothered if they didn't react well to it .

I'm working on it anyway ....
I am , honestly !

[Gigabitch]

Lin, you are this close to having a new boyfriend. Enjoy!

[lin]

Haha , oh that would be nice ... I'll just play it by ear for now though